Pretty simple stuff actually, not relationship threatening.

[martial_wolf]

Hello everyone,

Compared to some of the posts I have had in the past I am actually asking something rather mundane now. For those (most people) who don't remember my infernal username my fiance and I have had some rocky times in our relationship before. We have almost split up a few times and have both had to deal with some personality issues (I get extremely jealous, and have some anger management issues she gets depressed). But we have made things work and honestly have a pretty good relationship and understanding of one another at this point. We know what we are in for with one another basically.

Here's my little "problem." We moved in together about eight months ago and things have been ok. We have gotten along fairly well and I really can't complain. As of the past two months though things have gotten...strange. We live in a college town and so far have been living off our financial aid/loans. Trust me, we have looked for work but our schedules have turned away more than one employer. Anyhow since we live a rather low income life we don't get out very much at all and if we do it's for something necessary like bank deposits, grocery store, etc. If we go to the nearby city we do it together. If we go to the store we do it together. If we visit family we do it together. If we sit at home we are in the same room. If we go job hunting we do it TOGETHER.

Lately she has been getting pretty critical of all my little fidgeting habits. I do try to keep it to a minimum but find it very difficult to not move in some way, shape, or form. I have simply stopped talking to her. We can be in the same room and not say a word to each-other for three hours. She grates on my nerves by being annoyed with my fidgeting and I snap at her. Then she snaps at me for snapping at her and so on. She asks me why I don't talk to her and when I think about it I honestly don't know. But "I don't know" is the forbidden answer around her and we start the snapping again. It doesn't get particularly serious, but it gets tiring for both of us.

From all this information would it be safe to assume that we simply spend too much time together? More or less all day every day togetherness can be stifling, or so I would guess. This is something I can pretty easily fix. I have lakes and hiking trails literally a half hour's bike ride away. I don't mind going and doing that at all except feeling a little bad leaving her home. So thoughts? I'm tired of bickering like an 80 year old duo, you know?

[TheTooya]

Well... this sounds reminiscing of my past relationship and a good friend of mine's relationship.

Living together has its ups and downs, what you are describing are the shittiest of the downs. You get extremely use to each other, the tiny quirks that each of you have magnify up.

What does your fiancee do all day? What about you?

My quick story: My ex and I were together for over two years. She graduated college, and moved to Austin with me (lasted only 2 weeks). She had no job, rarely got out of the apartment, and had nothing to do. When I got home after work, I was the only human interaction she had, she would start out happy, but get snappy/irritable very fast.

Rewind back a year, when she lived with me in college, there were no issues.

The main difference was that she had friends and classes to go to. She had other things going on in her life. I wasn't the main focal point of her life.
___

That said, you both should try to pick up hobbys, make friends, do something to unbalance the path your lives are following.

[asdfg789]

That said, you both should try to pick up hobbys, make friends, do something to unbalance the path your lives are following.

+1

it is better in the long term for you have some time (say at least once a week) with friends/family separate from one another

[Andariel]

It does look like you are spending way too much time together and it is perfectly normal given the circumstances to get snappy with each other.

Sit her down and have a nice chat with her explaining that you love her and enjoy living with her but that being glued to one another has obviosuly started affecting your relationship for the worst. It is important for both of you to have individual time where you do your own thing and she does hers. You should not feel guilty about wanting to remain an individual whilst also being a couple. This is really important to maintain a healthy relationship. If you spend all your time together you won't have anythign to talk about in the end and little things that once you thought were cute about your partner, will start annoying you.

Hopefully, she understands that this does not mean that you don't enjoy spending time with her and it has only to do with retaining your personalities while being together.

[martial_wolf]

Thanks guys. I had the feeling that's what was up just wanted some validation. Tooya since you asked she's usually playing some form of video game. I am usually on the computer too, either that or I'm reading.

Again thanks everyone!

[HeartIsAching]

See if spending some time apart from each other helps...

If it doesn't, you're hosed. Being a kinetic person myself, I know you can't help it. I MUST move, even if it's just jiggling my leg while I sit and watch a movie. If she can't deal with that, it'll just cause endless friction.

[TheTooya]

Tooya since you asked she's usually playing some form of video game. I am usually on the computer too, either that or I'm reading.

Yea... if I were you I would try to get some kind of hobby going. I use to love geeking out on video games, but really, it simply does not provide me with the social interaction that I need. Being around people is very healthy. What I am doing is: judo, cross fit training, and rock climbing. A good part of that is health, but the majority of why I am doing these extra activities is to be around other people.

Good luck :x

[bloodtippedrose]

my bf and I spend every second together/ in the same room, but his little habits dont irritate me (though i tease him alot for one really gross habit where he rolls up a ball of skin on his foot and eats it.. freakin ew) and my habits like constantly eating my fingernails doesn't irritate him.
He says his ex-girlfriend would constantly be irritated at him for habits he does (like drumming his fingers when he's bored, smacking while chewing which i dont hear etc.) and thats one of the many reasons he knew they werent right together. Your supposed to love your mates little quarks or think they're cute, not try to change them.
Moving in together is a big step because you both are used to living different ways, maybe she still needs time to get used to you. If you stop everything you're doing or become very aware of what irritates her then you're just going to be walking on eggshells your whole relationship. Or maybe shes taking something out on you that she is not happy with herself over. Cant say. This comic reminded me of your crappy situation:

[IndiReloaded]

Go spend some time apart. Read at the local library, I'm sure its walking distance. As for the fidgeting, its a sign of an active mind and you will be thinner later in life.

[url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6725107.stm]BBC NEWS | Health | Fidgeters 'likely to be thinner'[/url]

[HeartIsAching]

Go spend some time apart. Read at the local library, I'm sure its walking distance. As for the fidgeting, its a sign of an active mind and you will be thinner later in life.

[url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6725107.stm]BBC NEWS | Health | Fidgeters 'likely to be thinner'[/url]

So how come I ended up a fat bastid?

[smackie9]

Yes I agree, you need to spend time apart doing productive things, like plays sports with your buddies, etc. You need to have a life outside the relationship where you can just be you and do your own thing....it keeps things fresh.

[IndiReloaded]

So how come I ended up a fat bastid?

Because you live in Texas?

[HeartIsAching]

Because you live in Texas?

Arkansas... and I just moved here fairly recently. Lost 15 more lbs. since moving here too. 15 more to go and I'll be the same weight as when I graduated Basic Training in 1987.

[IndiReloaded]

Ah, hence the AR in your info. I should learn to read, lol.

[HeartIsAching]

I do literally live 1/2 mile from the Texas border though... Stateline Blvd runs right through town.