I am lost

[Floppy]

Hello, this is my first post on this site. I googled if there was any forum where I could share my state of being, my story and my cry for help. This site was the first that appealed to me, so you have my graditude.

Here is my story.

I finished secondary school in 2009, and after the summerbreak I jumped right into High School. I loved it, new people, new teachers and most importantly, what I believe to be the love of my life, Marie. I was well greeted by all fellow students, especially two girls. As the first days of the semester went by I got better and better conection with those two girls. After two weeks or so they introduced me to Marie. I remeber that I was stunned by her beautifull apperance. Brown straight hair, body like goddess (cliché I know) and those stunning big, blue eyes. We had a fun time talking to eachother, we shared interests and values. Marie happend to know a guy from the secondary school I went too. I was/am a good friend with this guy. All the talk and hugging triggered a spark within me, and I was in love.

As time passed we continued to share thoughts, experiences and innocent touching with eachother. All the high schools where I live has annual revue parties. The theme was Rave I went to a most amazing foreplay, and had ALOT to drink. The party ventured further to a club where everybody was to meet. The music was good, everything was good. I went to a quiter place of the club when I suddenly heard my name was screamed by a most familiar voice, Marie. I went over and Marie, with two of her friends, gave me a warm hug. She introduced me to her friends and we had a rather small conversation, before one of Marie's friends interupted us. She said "You two fit together!". I turned to Marie, and I saw a faint glimmer in her eyes. She moved her head closer and we had our first kiss. Marie's friends cheered. After the kiss ended a couple more of her friends came over, and she had to leave. I remeber so well what she said after that "You're good, we'll talk later". I was left stunned, amazed over what just happend.

Everything after that is blurred up until January, where we had a small party to celebrate the ending of our revue. We gathered up in the P.E hall to drink. I cant remeber what happend, but the monday after neither of my two best female friends would not talk to me. They where ignoring me. Marie where no where to be seen. I started to stress and tried to the best of my abbilities to keep my cool. 3 weeks passed and I shattered. I did not know what to do, I became depressed, but made it through the year. There was a birthday party right before summerbreak, I had one simple goal that night. I wanted to find out what the **** I did wrong on that dreaded day in January. (sorry for my french) I found my long lost friend and asked her if we could talk. I asked the nicest way I could, the answer was totaly unexpected. She said that I had bullied her and she was immenesly hurt. I said that I did not know that and apologiezed. She asked me if we could square up and be friends again.

This friendship however did not last. Everyday in 2. grade I was met by an icewall from them. I tried to talk to Marie, but she said that her friends did not approve me and she was forced to let me go. I dropped to the floor when I came home that day. The one and only I ever cared about was so far beyond my reach, it hurts for me to writes this even now, 1 year later. I managed to forget, forget about Marie, forget about old friends and started to look for new people to hang with. I entered a state of not caring at all. My grades dropped, my absence rocket-jumped and my friends and teachers noticed. I remeber that I saw Marie in the hallway one day, we passed eachother. (This is so hard to type down for me) I walked with steady steps looked upon her face one, our eyes met and she smiled. I did not even bother to do anything, I was just a icecold guy walking right pass her. I noticed hear walking stopped, I turned since I heard my name and I saw her staring at me with those eyes I remember so well. Icecold as I was I walked right passed her again and went over to my friends.

I cant remember to much from that year. I have started my final semester now. I came out fresh and was ready for a new start. First day of school she was the first one I saw. I noticed how my anger and regret was put aside as I gazed upon her eyes. I almost started to cry. I cant believe it, I have once more fallen for her.

She is way beyond my reach, an icywall of friends are garding her. I cant push through now matter how hard I try. I am lost in this girl. The very one I love is breaking me down. I struggle to keep my head up, cause very time I manage, she appears in my head. With those big blue eys, her brown straight hair and flaming personality. I dont know what to do anymore.

I hope you can give me some small shards of comfort and advice.

M 18

[smackie9]

You shouldn't drink anymore...alcoholism shatters so many lives and relationships.

Second wait til school is done and contact her then......hopefully the high school "click" GFs that she has will be out of her grasp. They are totally c ock blocking you....well that is what you get with these immature bitches. Once you get out of school, lets hope this pathetic mentality she has to listen to her friends will pass and she will welcome your message.

[Lifetime]

If you got close enough with her to feel so strongly, I can't imagine some friends "disapproving" of you would stop her from being with you if she felt the same. My advice is to talk to her about everything you'd like to say next time you see her. I assume this ice wall is metaphorical and your mind is what's making you believe she's out of reach. Just walk up to her, ask her if you can talk to her. If she says no, well, then I guess it wasn't meant to be. If she says yes, then tell her how you feel, what's the worst that can really happen?

"I saw this really good looking girl the other day and I was like 'man, I gotta have her', but I'm pretty shy, so I was nervous. My friend was like 'just ask her out man, the worst she can say is no'. So I went up to her and I was like 'hey', and she was like 'get away from me, you loser'. I think you're breaking the rules there sweetheart."

[Kyrina]

If these so called friends of her's is blocking you, the looks she gives you are an indication of her still being responsive to you.Why dont you give her a note as you pass in the hall when she is alone ONLY when she is alone, the note should ask her to meet you alone in a public place ie cafe so you can talk and if the booze which i assume is your biggest poison at the moment be honest tell her you wasnt used to alcholo and say you understand why her friends are protecting her from you, dont slag her friends.Tell her you would like to be around her again but you find your behaviour disgusting at the party and would understand if she chooses not to be around you.

1 make the meeting public
2 dont slag her friends
3 apologise for drinking
4 be totally honest
if she doesnt come then you dont have a chance with her im sorry to say