2 months later and still confused (long post)

[Catherine88]

I've posted a couple times about my relationship for 3 years ending 2 months ago. Basically I was mean to him because he didn't help around the house. He plays video games and started to play them more whenever I would be upset so he would "loose himself" in the game and not have to deal with me. This made me angry because I took it as him ignoring me, not him trying to stop us from having a problem. We broke up after having a fight. I finally realised how much I had hurt him and he has realised what he was doing.

We live together...well until this coming weekend. We gave 2 months notice to our building people when we broke up. We have been talking to eachother a lot more the past 2 months. We never really talked about what we needed from eachother before. I asked him about a month ago if he would be willing to reconcile. At the time he said he was unsure and he felt like he needed time. I left it at that and said that I would give him whatever time he needs. The past week/ week and a half we have both been pretty moody. We are both stressed about a few different things. Because of this we have been fighting, before we have had the odd fight. But recently it has been everyday, sometimes more then once a day. On Saturday I told him that I didn't want to keep fighting and that we need to fix our relationship (even if we are trying to be friends). We talked about a lot on Saturday one of which was that he was finally started to see that I was trying to change and work on the things that I was doing that had bothered him. But that our fighting the past week had made him question if getting back together would be a good idea. I told him that we are both stressed out and that the fights we have been having recently where different then the ones we had in the past. We are both talking about what is upsetting us instead of just trying to ignore eachother like we use to. We decided to talk/ do something at least once a week, just so we can talk and try to work on being more understanding with eachother.

I really want to make things work. I really feel like he is my soul mate. We have trouble talking to eachother but we have both been working on that. I really feel like he is the best thing to ever happen to me and I feel awful about how I treated him. I want the best for him, I even got him to enrol in school and finish the 2 classes that he is missing so he can graduate college. I've told him that I'm sorry and that I want to make things better. We talked about getting back together on Saturday as well. He said that he still feels worried that I'm going to get mad at him for no reason. I can understand why he feels this way but I want to change that.

I feel like even though we have broken up, there is still something between us. My birthday was last month and he spent $150.00 on a gift for me, I didn't even ask him to do that. He said he knew it was something that I had wanted and that I would get a lot of use out of it. I'm at my mom's place visiting for a couple days and last night he sent me a text message at 2am of a picture of my cat. My cat was sleeping on our bed with his belly up. He said that he looked really cute and wanted to show me.

What does everything think? Is there still a chance for us or am I just wishful thinking? I want to give him time, but I keep feeling like we need to work on things now while our emotions are still fresh. I'm moving into my new apt on Sunday and I feel like I'm loosing the love of my life. Has anyone been through something like this?

[smackie9]

Time apart might be a more of a healthier choice rather than force repair. It will give you both time to reflect on what is important and give each other a chance to miss each other. People have a misconception that two must become as one in a relationship....it has its flaws. Too much time together, you start to grate on each other's nerves, fights break out, resentment, then the bad behavior starts....neglect, infidelity, abuse, hostility. Space is very important, and to have a life outside the relationship where you go do your own thing, hang out with other people, it keeps things fresh between you. So take this opportunity to get reconnected with each other, go out on dates, spend quality time together, but also give each other space to experience new things, then share those things when you see each other. Hopefully in time you will be able to approach things differently and rebuild what you once had.

[Alex2]

I was in a situation like this. I eventually moved out after 4 years. I still regret it.
Sometime I htink that if i was more open with her we might have been able to work things out. Did you think about going to therapy together?

[Catherine88]

I have signed up for councelling for myself. I'm currently on a waiting list in my town. I have asked him if he would be willing to go with me, he said that he didn't want to. However that was about a month ago and things between us have changed since then. I think I'll wait until I start my sessions before I bring it up again. I think having time a part will be good for us. But at the same time I'm worried that we won't be able to work things out. He means the world to me.

[carl1222]

What smackie9 said ... every word.

Ironically, it appears that your relationship started improving as soon as you were apart. Maybe you both realized that there are more important things at stake than suffering the day-to-day irritations that occur in every relationship.

Good luck

Carl.