You all need to be punched in your throats

[Wakeup]

Not to sound all greedy but.... I hope it all happens to me that someday I might find that man who would see me beautiful no matter how older I get..
Would he still be faithful? What if he encountered someone prettier and much more inviting .. I dunno! I wish.. And wish

You need to work on your self-worth, Doll. Stop wishing and KNOW. Having An abundance menatality as well as a more positive outlook would do you well too.

.. @ Ingocnito: Sorry for the off-topic post.

[Incognito]

Ha, wow, that was a lot of comments since yesterday afternoon. I'm glad that you backed off a bit GypsyBell because you obviously didn't read my past posts before you started talking so condescendingly about me. Have I talked to her about this before? Yes, of course. Is it wrong to "air out laundry" as you put it on an anonymous forum? I don't think so, and you are nobody to say otherwise. The only person who knows as much as some of the people here is my best friend. Other than him none of my posts can be traced back to her unless someone was REALLY pressed to figure out my identity and then figure out who my wife was.

Someone else mentioned that they wondered if she masturbated. The short answer it no. Very early in our marriage when I was trying to spark things in the bedroom I tried to introduce toys, but she didn't want ANY part of any toy stating that the very tought disgusted her. At some point I asked if she masturbated. Again, she said no because she thinks that it is somehow unnatural. [???] Yeah... Is it possible that her thoughts have changed? Of course, but since nothing else has changed I highly doubt it.

In answer to a few people's thoughts on counseling: I'll have to look around again. I think that this may be at least partially beneficial, if only to provide a mediated environment to discuss everything. Although my insurance doesn't cover such counseling, and the last time I checked rates the least expensive counselor charged $120.00+ per hour (which I will not pay).

[vampiress]

All I know is that there's always 2 sides to every story...

[Incognito]

Ok, and your point in stating that is what? That sounds like you are trying to say that I'm trying to tell only one side in order to garner some sort of support (or something else?) here when I am not. I have tried to be as objective when speaking of my situation as possible. You can find more details in my past threads.

[rainydayznnight]

Regardless of what is going on with your wife, it's so sad. Your obviously trying to make the best of your situation and are looking for reasons or answers as to help change it. When we marry someone it's with the intention of being together til death do us part, knowing that there is someone in this world who truly loves you, wants to be with you forever. That's kind of daunting to try and keep that kind of love alive much less deal with sexual issues. Besides the fact that it's so much fun and pleasurable, it's also a very major way of staying connected to someone, of offering comfort. To bump into the one your sharing a bed with and to spoon in the middle of the night, snuggling together in the mornings. Do you get any kind of intimacy from her or is she a hands-off woman?

[Incognito]

Its not like entering a war zone when I go home, like some believe, but the intimacy isn't often. We're both to blame for this, as illustrated by Vashti's somewhat accurate "vicious cycle" that she mentioned earlier. Case in point was last night when, for whatever reason, she put her arm on my chest. Because there is no sexual intimacy it didn't strike me as particularly intimate. In fact, my first thought was "wow, I wish she'd take her arm off me because it is hot in here". I can't remember the last time we made out, and kissing is generally reserved for when one of us is leaving the house (yeah, sad).

[Wakeup]

Seems like a total emotional disconnect. I know you said you've discussed this with her but is she aware that the lack of affection, sexual and emotional connection is an issue that is detrimental to you and is threatening your "life-mate" status as a couple? Have you really layed it on the line here or does she think that you'll get over this and you'll never leave her whether you're happy or unhappy?

It sounds like she is one of those persons that, should you actually leave her, she would tell all her friends/family "I don't know why he left, we were soooo happy."

Me? I'd scout out rates for couples counceling and give it a shot for a couple of sessions just to get you on track of discussing the issue so it's resolved and not just discussed and dismissed. Perhaps start at the family physicians office to see if she's hormonal or vitamin deficient and discussing with him her lack of drive together. Do you think if she's made aware that you're unhappy enough to leave her, she'd be more motivated to re-connect with you(?) Are you unhappy enough to leave her?

[Incognito]

Yes, I've discussed this at length before. She is fully aware of the strain and domino effect this is having in our marriage. If I let I doubt she'd be clueless, although I don't think she realizes how much of an effect not having sex has on my feelings (no matter how much I tell her). I was unhappy enough to leave once, and actually left. We ended up back together though.

[vampiress]

Ok, and your point in stating that is what? That sounds like you are trying to say that I'm trying to tell only one side in order to garner some sort of support (or something else?) here when I am not. I have tried to be as objective when speaking of my situation as possible. You can find more details in my past threads.

Of course I can... that's why I wondered what her perspective of the situation would be!?

[Junket]

Yes, I've discussed this at length before. She is fully aware of the strain and domino effect this is having in our marriage. If I let I doubt she'd be clueless, although I don't think she realizes how much of an effect not having sex has on my feelings (no matter how much I tell her). I was unhappy enough to leave once, and actually left. We ended up back together though.

Shame on you.

[Way2Roux]

Shame on you.

Shame on him? If he simply replaced the word "sex" with "making love" I'm sure his response would have sounded better to you... and isn't that what couples who are passionate about each other do? Have sex. Make love. Um, yep: I think so

[HeartIsAching]

Shame on him? If he simply replaced the word "sex" with "making love" I'm sure his response would have sounded better to you... and isn't that what couples who are passionate about each other do? Have sex. Make love. Um, yep: I think so

The "Shame on you" was for getting back together with her.

[Way2Roux]

The "Shame on you" was for getting back together with her.

Ah, gotcha

[MaidenMinx]

Incognito, I really feel for you dude. It's one thing for a person to be/become asexual, it's another thing for them to drag someone else along for the ride.

I was on a singles forum a few years back, hubby and I had discussed opening up our relationship (nothing ever really came of the discussion) and I was sussing out if there was anyone local that could help me with a kink. I was amazed by how many guys out there are in your boat, and how many guys in your boat had been given permission by their wives to seek it elsewhere. I'm not saying that is a solution for you, just saying this is not uncommon.

It doesn't surprise me at all that she doesn't masturbate. It's not been that long that as women we are not only allowed to, we're suddenly supposed to, enjoy being sexual beings and be proud of that. Seriously, it's only been about 50 years that this idea has been present and common in our lives, and that is only in some parts of the world. I feel sorry for her too.

Go find some ecstacy and slip her half. You'll have some awesome sex then. :p j/k