You all need to be punched in your throats

[HeartIsAching]

what if she is completely turned off by you? i don't believe in no drive or low drive, it's all about attraction

I can say I don't believe in rocks either, doesn't make them hurt less when thrown at me.

[Sonrisa]

I can say I don't believe in rocks either, doesn't make them hurt less when thrown at me.

any woman with any drive will be turned on by someone whom she is sexually compatible with or attracted to. there are other issues that guys don't tell us

[Incognito]

So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?

[jamaicanbaby]

lol ok not every woman is like that, but i get where you are coming from, sometimes you just wanna get straight to it, completely understandable.

[HeartIsAching]

So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?

I'd interpret that as an aesthetic observation. I can look at a woman that's beautiful and think "Not my cup of tea, but quite pretty."

[HeartIsAching]

any woman with any drive will be turned on by someone whom she is sexually compatible with or attracted to. there are other issues that guys don't tell us

Of course! I should've figure it out! It's all the guy's fault. Thanks for making your position clear.

[Junket]

quit dating white women

Yeah, white women are pussies.

[Way2Roux]

So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?

Maybe he's a slut

[leoben]

So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?

That she wants to sleep with him.

[Wakeup]

So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?

Perhaps he looks, or if she knows him, knows that he is rather high maintenance, a player, abusive a conceited twat? Lots of guys will sleep with and tolerate a high maintenance woohoo just because she's hot. Lots of woman WON'T do that just because a guy is hot. ... it's just not worth the drama and or lack of personality.

[Jenswaiting]

Yeah, she's gained weight over the last few years, but that doesn't matter. I say that for two reasons. One, she had no drive after we got married, even on our honeymoon. Two, I used to tell her how good she looked all the time and she'd literally brush off my compliments or counter with "no I'm not, you need to stop saying that". Eventually I did stop. She has seemed to always have been self conscious of her body and more so after the weight gain. She doesn't like to be nude, for me to see her nude, to see me nude, or for the lights to be on during the few times a year that we have sex.

So she constantly told you that she distrusted you, distrusted your judgement and called you a liar. Is she upset now that you don't say it anymore?

HIA I disagree with your analysis of this situation. Incognito, it seems to me that your wife has self esteem and confidence issues about her body. Did you happen to notice this before you got married? Was she very sexual prior to marriage? From personal experience someone who says the above comments in your post is someone very self conscious of their body and generally not comfortable in their own skin.

[Wakeup]

Yeah, she's gained weight over the last few years, but that doesn't matter. I say that for two reasons. One, she had no drive after we got married, even on our honeymoon.

Cripes, Are you saying that you knew her drive was low but you married her anyway or, are you saying that she was like a wildcat UNTIL you got married?

If her lack thereof began just after marriage (on the honeymoon) then I have to ask how long you dated before you married because It would have manifested itself prior to tieing the knot wouldn't it? How does one fake being horny for any length of time?

... And I agree with Jen. She doesn't feel sexy. (then or now, apparently)

[HeartIsAching]

HIA I disagree with your analysis of this situation. Incognito, it seems to me that your wife has self esteem and confidence issues about her body. Did you happen to notice this before you got married? Was she very sexual prior to marriage? From personal experience someone who says the above comments in your post is someone very self conscious of their body and generally not comfortable in their own skin.

No, that isn't an interpretation, that's plain fact.

If I tell you "That bird is yellow" and you say "No it's not." You're telling me that there's something wrong with my eyes, or that I'm lying to you. Period.

If a partner tells you that you're beautiful, and you say "No, I'm not." that is plain and simple a statement of distrust, whatever your motivation for saying it.

[MaidenMinx]

Except, HIA, when a woman is fishing for compliments. OR when she already knows she looks bad in a particular outfit and is actually looking to see if her partner can have the balls to tell her she looks bad. (I have done both, the second was to prove to my hubby that I DO want an honest opinion when I ask him how I look. Since I did that and got him to admit that some days I am too bloated for some outfits I can actually believe him more completely when he tells me I look awesome)

Back on to the lack of libido and the 'lies' about it, when I told my hubby he had released my inner nympho, he had. Maintaining that kind of sex drive is draining. The euphoria of someone new wears off. Life gets in the way. With hubby, pregnancy killed my sex drive and even though our son just turned 7 I still have trouble maintaining a consistent or regular sex drive. With my ex, the monotony of routine and him having kinks I wasn't completely comfortable with killed my sex drive. I have never really had a problem with my body, even if I don't like it too much, I have always enjoyed someone else enjoying it, if that makes sense.

I think expecting someone to maintain a steady sex drive is ridiculous and is an expectation that is bound to bite you in the arse. How would you feel if your wife expected you to perform on demand? Maybe that is another part of the problem. Maybe she feels pressured to be something she's not (an open sexualised being) and doesn't feel like you accept her as she is?

Oh and rather than open broad compliments (you look so sexy. Man you're gorgeous etc etc) maybe try "I love the way that dress shows off your legs" "Man your eyes sparkle like gems when you laugh" "Those jeans make your arse so perky!" "Are you wearing a new bra? The girls are looking great today" These kind of things can't be argued, and if she tries the "no they don't" or "no I'm not" respond with "well from this angle they do. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true"

Aside from that, your wife could use some counselling to build up some self esteem.

/end ramble

[HeartIsAching]

Except, HIA, when a woman is fishing for compliments. OR when she already knows she looks bad in a particular outfit and is actually looking to see if her partner can have the balls to tell her she looks bad. (I have done both, the second was to prove to my hubby that I DO want an honest opinion when I ask him how I look. Since I did that and got him to admit that some days I am too bloated for some outfits I can actually believe him more completely when he tells me I look awesome)

Back on to the lack of libido and the 'lies' about it, when I told my hubby he had released my inner nympho, he had. Maintaining that kind of sex drive is draining. The euphoria of someone new wears off. Life gets in the way. With hubby, pregnancy killed my sex drive and even though our son just turned 7 I still have trouble maintaining a consistent or regular sex drive. With my ex, the monotony of routine and him having kinks I wasn't completely comfortable with killed my sex drive. I have never really had a problem with my body, even if I don't like it too much, I have always enjoyed someone else enjoying it, if that makes sense.

I think expecting someone to maintain a steady sex drive is ridiculous and is an expectation that is bound to bite you in the arse. How would you feel if your wife expected you to perform on demand? Maybe that is another part of the problem. Maybe she feels pressured to be something she's not (an open sexualised being) and doesn't feel like you accept her as she is?

Oh and rather than open broad compliments (you look so sexy. Man you're gorgeous etc etc) maybe try "I love the way that dress shows off your legs" "Man your eyes sparkle like gems when you laugh" "Those jeans make your arse so perky!" "Are you wearing a new bra? The girls are looking great today" These kind of things can't be argued, and if she tries the "no they don't" or "no I'm not" respond with "well from this angle they do. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true"

Aside from that, your wife could use some counselling to build up some self esteem.

/end ramble

NO.

Fishing for compliments is a motivation. It's your motivation for calling him a liar, but it's still calling him a liar. Think about THAT the next time your husband says "You're so beautiful" and you say "No I'm not."

Try saying "Wow, thank you." instead. I bet it doesn't slow down.