My mom has breast cancer...

[TheTooya]

Tooya, what stage is your mom?

I actually don't know yet... I kind of just have to wait until Wednesday or Thursday :/

[Belle13]

Hi! Tooya its so sad to hear that. When I was 21 my mom died because of kidney failure I was the one who took care of her before she died.But when the time comes that she can't bear the pain I prayed to God to take her so that she can't feel the the pain. Because i know she is ready to die.But in your situation you must be the on to give strength to your mom she needs your support , love her with all your might.

[Gypsybell]

Well, Gypsey, my mom is immediately after the diagnosis... so lots of stress until next week on Wednesday/Thursday.

She immediately was assuming the worse ("___ died to breast cancer several years ago"), so I told her breast cancer is more recoverable.

She seemed to want to talk about my life more. I live in a separate world from mom (across the globe, in fact), so that was what I did. Maybe just emailing her, telling her how my life is going can be a good start :/

Thanks everyone

Good girl!Of course she wants to hear about your life, didn't she always? Cancer makes everything in a patient's world change from layback normal to red alert, and that's exhausting, for all concerned.The more you can allow her to stay in the normal zone the better.

Which ever slant you give it, sympathy is lethal. Empathy is what is required.If she does not feel ill it is detrimental to keep reminding her she has a potentially fatal disease.(because she probably hasn't!) Sickness invites gloom doom and depression when the opposite is needed for health. And most cancer patients look for any distraction from the morbid fixation of their loved ones on the worst scenarios they can dream up. If you are into new age theories, then the law of attraction rationalizes that to dwell on an emotion draws more of the same to one. I am inclined to give this some credence. In my experience, it was the ones who laughed and refused to allow it to rule their every moment, that fared the best. Of course you cannot force this attitude, but you can RE-INFORCE it. If it is her choice to discuss other topics then follow her lead.

As to the surgury. It is most usual these days to preserve the breast instead of total mastectomy (removal of) again, there are exceptions, but it has been statistically proven that a lumpectomy, removal of the affected area only. in conjunction with localised radiation of the rest of the breast, is equally effective and less traumatic or disfiguring ( a real issue for many woman) Plastic surgury reconstruction is also very do-able in most cases. Your mum will have a week or two of dressings and maybe a wound drain, usually managed at outpatient level after 48hrs inpatient care post op.(in Australia we have home visits by surgical RNs) 5-6 weeks are allowed for healing before radiation/chemo commenses.

She will be told after the op whether or not Chemo is indicated.(probably a week or so later at her surgical revue to remove sutures) This will be determined by biopsy of glandular nodes removed from axilla during surgury. If cancer cells are found in these nodes then chemotherapy is used to put substances into the blood stream that search the entire body and destroy cancer cells before they can take hold and begin multiplying. It is extremely effective. The chemical destroys fast multiplying new cells which is what cancer is, and the only hitch is, that so are the many of the epithelial cells of normal body. so to a degree it is toxic to the whole system and has to be given to tolerence level over a protracted time, with recovery periods in between doses. So a usual scenario is doses a few weeks apart and can take a full six months. This is the time when support is most needed. When humour is stretched and the hair is usually lost.

Radiation will follow chemo (usually) and is far less traumatic. it is nothing more than a mildly building case of what is similar to sunburn, delivered over daily small doses of radiation (no more than an xray to experience) usually over a period of 5-6 weeks. The intrusion on ones life is a factor. daily visits to a radiation centre. And if one doesn't live in the vicinity of such, it means staying in accommodation away from home. In Oz, funding is available for this.

Well, another long waffle. But I hope it is helpful to you and I wish you and your family well. Regards, Gypsy

[TheTooya]

Thank you Gypsey

I have a huge sigh of relief, however
It was only a benign tumor... So false alarm :/

[HeartIsAching]

I'm so glad to hear that.