10 years younger guy,long distance relationship?

[Leona77]

Hi there,

I need some male insight into a situation. Actually, i think i just need confirmation of what I already think, so here it is:

I am 34 yrs old and i have had romances that lasted 2-4 months, but I have not had a serious relationship since I split from my boyfriend of 5 years 10 years ago.Sex-wise, my situation is : 2 years with no sex ( i have kissed one guy, but that was it)

So... about 2 weeks ago I was out in a restaurant with a bunch of friends having a really great time. At the table accross was this other bunch of friends (mixed girls and guys, as we were) ..all of a sudden I noticed this guy staring at me. I ignored it thinking he was starign at another table. Then I accidentaly saw him agains tare at me. I noticed he is waaaay younger than me and I thought that was cheeky of him, but still ignored him bcs I thought he just wanted to ge tmy attention by flirting. I saw a girl next to him and I thought that was even more cheeky of him to be doing it in front of her as I thought she was his girlfriend. Anyway, time passed and he continued to stare and talk to this girl pointing at me while he stared. He then raised his glass at me and so did i...I thought that was it...However, after a while he got up from his table and while chatting with his friens gradually approached our table. He kept staring and at a short moment whan I caught his eyes he showed to the guy (my friend) sat next to me and I read his lips stating: ''is he your boyfriend/? ''. I mimicked'' no'' and that I could not hear him, I just read his lips and made gestures. Then he came to our table and asked me to step out to talk to him. He introduced himself and we started chatting. i ahve to admit I was flattered that 10 years younger guy was interested in me ( although it had happened before, but not with such a difference)....
Anyway, he told me he was in town for a week, he lives abroad ( 15 hrs by car ride) and he would like to have my number. I told him " why would you want my number/'' He said;'' well, to call u and grab some coffee''. I said "no,if you want to find me i will give you my name and fine me''. He said '' i don't like fb and I am here only for a week, how on earth will i find you?"...And then it dawned on me: This guy is 10 years younger, lives abroad, so there is no possibility for a relationship. Therefore, my mind will set in such a way that i won't fall in love where I know it's impossible to have the realtionship...instead, I could use this opportunity for sex so I gave him the number. I was till not sure, but I thought at least I can think about it in case he calls.

he texted next day asking me to go out where he was out with friends.i said I was in another place and didn't go. next day he asked me again and I didn't go. the third day i texted and said i could finally make it. he picked me up, we went to this festival with his friends and we kissed that night. he introdueced me to all his friends, was very polite, real gentleman, held my hand and all that. Of course, by this time I had decided to have sex with him as soon as possible as I din't want to waste time (it's what 2 yrs of dry patch makes you do hahah)...we went out the 2 following days ( with his friends again) and of course had sex again and he spent the night both times. On several occasions his friends mentioned that we looked very smitten while we cuddled & also one of his friens asked me if I would consider him as my 'husband-to be'' to which I laughed. Even when he himself asked me if I would come over and visit I laughed it off and said: ''yeah, right..and stay with your mum?''...I never mentioned anything about relationships, avoided even asking him eprsonal stuff because it would be more difficult to forget him. Basically, I never showed him I wanted anything more...because I thought nothing more was possible.
When we said goodbye I could tell he doesn't know what to say and I know how uncomfortable it can be so when he said: ''talk to you, see you''... I said: '' oh please, not those lines'' and said to him to have a safe trip back home...

So, someone tell me why a week after this (he has not contacted me since and I have not contacted him either) I am still thinking about him??? Can it be the extraordinary sex & chemistry & connection? I thought I was safe not to fall for a guy, but here I am, like a stupid teenage girl wondering what would happen if we were together...what would happen had I said this or that... did I make him think i don't want a relationship? Was I wrong to react in sucha way in front of friends saying iboyfriends are toruble etc...? Or would that not change anything anyway?
I am a firm believer that if a guy wants a girl, they will ignore all the signs from her and pursue her! I know this from all the guys who have been into me and I didn't like, so I never went on a second date...
Is it that straightforward this time, too ?...or am i to blame for killing his hopes?

thanks guys
looking f-wad to your reply

L

[leoben]

I am a firm believer that if a guy wants a girl, they will ignore all the signs from her and pursue her! I know this from all the guys who have been into me and I didn't like, so I never went on a second date...
Is it that straightforward this time, too ?...or am i to blame for killing his hopes?
L

Good companionship can be pretty intoxicating when you haven't had it in a while, so it's not surprising he's still on your mind. He sounds very confident based on how aggressive he was in the restaurant, and yeah a guy like that would pursue no matter what the woman's attitude is if a relationship was what he really wanted.

At least you had a good time and he reminded you how great having someone can be.

[Wakeup]

When is the last time you got laid before he did you? If it's been a while then you're going to think more about "it" with him as an actor in your movie then you're actually thinking about him.

He's a younger guy who saw a sure thing for a bit o fun while in your vicinity. You're his booty call in (insert your town here). Don't think of it as anything else and I suggest you quit playing games with men. If you want a relationship then don't be a booty call.. If you want to be a booty call then learn to enjoy your memories and don't read them to be anymore than sexual fantasy to be brung to the surface when you need stimulation during your alone times *winkz*

A fling by any other name is just a fling.

[Devilsbane]

Age I wouldn't be too concerned with, but I have found very little good to come out of long distance relationships. They rarely work out and cheating is rampant since it isn't possible to keep any sort of tabs on them and they know it. Especially with him being 10 years younger.

I'm 22, so probably around his age. I don't think I'd ever have the confidence to approach someone that much older, but I certainly wouldn't shy away from it if it was on the table. I'm mature for my age though too so that is part of it.

[Leona77]

Thanks :-*

[Leona77]

hahahah thanks Wakeup, I like your brutal honesty )) No beating around the bush, that's for sure! For the record...it's been two years without sex for me before him ( I mentioned this in my first post :p )....

as for your comment

I suggest you quit playing games with men. If you want a relationship then don't be a booty call

I wasn't playing a game....At least not with him!I really liked him straight away....If anything, I was playing games with my poor brain: 'shall I risk it and if it doesn't work out deal with the consequences later?'' or ''shall I wait for the right guy with a possibillity of a relationship and not risk it at all''....Of course i was a little bit hopeful that I could be wrong and that he could actually be my boyfriend after all and we would live happily ever after....( silly, I know...
Anyway, I obviously am not 'cut out' for the ''booty-call''. Tried & tested! I get all obsessive and hopeful, waiting for a miracle to happen i.e. for him to call me all of a sudden or blah blah....I hate that and gotta stop it 
Thanks for supporting me in moving on….As you said, I’ll have fond memories & will move on to finding the right guy for a relationship
xxx

[Leona77]

Hey wakeup , I just liked the way you brought me back to reality about my hopes with the younger guy...It's just from time to time (mostly when i am bored and not out) I think about him and get the urge to contact him....Still a teeny-tiny hope that he might ...I dunno...haha .Anyway, need reminding that it was just a booty-call...I often remember the words from his cousin: '' I hope to see you soon again"...and " oh, hi, sister-in-law''....or the fat that he had 5 yrs older grlfr who was with him for 2 years...all that makes me hopeful..pls tell me to stop
thanks x

[Wakeup]

Are you still in contact with this guy?

[Sixpacj]

Good companionship can be pretty intoxicating when you haven't had it in a while, so it's not surprising he's still on your mind. He sounds very confident based on how aggressive he was in the restaurant, and yeah a guy like that would pursue no matter what the woman's attitude is if a relationship was what he really wanted.

At least you had a good time and he reminded you how great having someone can be.

WRONG! He would NOT. If he wanted to bang her once, that is, then maybe.

If he wanted a relationship, then he would take cues from OP's behaviour during the initial stage as to how she'd behave in the relationship.

[Leona77]

No, I have not been in contact only because at the beginning I thought he should do all the heavy lifting and pursue me if he wanted anything more...I have been hurt before by being hopeful so this time I decided to convince myself (and him by acting cool) that I saw no hope for a relationship...I thought that if I acted that way it would be easier for me...but it isn't...To make myself believe I was cool with the ' fling booty-call thing'' I even wore the t-shirt my colleagues bought me saying " No boyfriend-no problem''... They bought it for me for my b-day because they know I have been single for a long time...I decide dto wear it not to look desperate ( again, partly to convinde myself, partly to convince him...) His whole behaviour was polite and sweet and respectful...he introduced me to his friends and we met up with them every evening (even in a restaurant for dinner) but I kept feeling silly that I am that much older, even though he repeatedly asked me if I wa that age, because I don't look it ...btw, girls who are 30 have told me I look younger, not just guys who want to sweet-talk me into 'bangin me'..I know that trick haha....I think I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know how his friends looked at me and what they thought of me. So, one evening when I was wearing this T-shirt, his friend said " I can tell both of you are pretty in love, so would you consider marrying him?''...To which I was shocked and thought he was just provoking me and instead of replying I pointed to my t-shirt..and he replied to his friend instead of me '' the writing says it all''....I just feel like such and idiot for behaving against my feelings.... I dunno what to do? contact him and see what happens?? I somehow am scared of his reaction and sometimes I think it's better to let it go...other times I feel like and idiot for letting things slip away so easily just because of vanity... help

[Leona77]

one more thing...whan he first wen back home, I saw he updated his profile picture witha lion and lioness roaring at each other...and when he was here we discussed we were both Leo ( zodiac sign) and concluded that we noticed that the other persone was Leo too and liked each-other immediately

[Wakeup]

My dear you are over-analyizing this to death.

So... about 2 weeks ago

you met him two fking weeks ago. Quit whatifing and ifonlying and go out and find someone who doesn't live a freaking 15 hour car ride away from you. Stop being a booty call if you want a real relationship. If you keep screwing guys before you know how much they value you then this will keep happening to you. Wait a month or two to see how he treats you, what his intentions seem to be and what his ultimate dating goals are before you go to bed and mistake lust for love.

P.S. Stop thinking that if you had handled things differently, that he would have been your boyfriend. Any guy that states he's "in town for a week, can I have your number" is more likely than not just looking for booty and a bit of female companionship so chalk it up to a fling, nice sex, an ego boost from a younger guy and then forget about him. His friend sounds like his wing man.

It's likely that when/if he's in your town again he will call you for more booty. Make sure what you're doing if you meet him. Sex with him will be a casual ocurrence. You read far too much into the banter his friend is spewing. Did he even answer you when you said "and what stay with you at your mom's?'

[Leona77]

If you keep screwing guys before you know how much they value you then this will keep happening to you.

OMG, is this going to happen to me over and over???? :O lol....I guess so if I don't have sex for another 2 yrs lol

I don't remember he replied to that because at the time I didn't care or listen what he had to say...I dismissed it to ''saying anything to make me think I can be his girlfriend''

Btw, I thought of his friend being his wing man. I even thought of the fact that he probably introduced me to his friends so that he brags about ''look who I am bang-ing''...but then again, i bragged a little bit...maybe a lot to my friens, too...so I guess it's ok ahahha

[Wakeup]

That's what banging a younger guy (after a two year draught especially) is all about.. ego, orgasms, bragging to your friends that you can still pull a virile young one and then forgetting they exist once they leave except for fantasy purposes when alone . NOT for crying over your Martini about once they're gone.

My suggestion: If you want casual sex then don't do any bonding rituals so you fall for them.. screw and bubbye them. if you want a relationship because you like what you see and they're not leaving in a frigging week then take your time and get to know them while you fool around while making out and flirting and anticipation and building up to the cresendo of the moment that you'll actually have sex.. If they show through actions and a nice heaping of attention and pursuit and respect then go ahead and schtuup away. At least then you know they're fond of you if nothing else. Sex won't garner you a relationship no matter how old a guy is.

Cheers.

[Leona77]

My suggestion: If you want casual sex then don't do any bonding rituals so you fall for them

yeah, yeah...I know...I should have skipped the whole 'going out' thing ....but it felt like a good 'foreplay' at the time & I thought I can handle it...Lesson learnt!

take your time and get to know them while you fool around (without going to bed) making out and flirting and anticipation and building up to the cresendo..

I know this too, happens naturally with me when a guy wants a relationship... Problem is, I have not met the right match = the one who would want a relationship & for me to be attracted to him at the same time... It's so frustrating that it has to be the one or the other arghhhhhhhh... I hope that I will find him, eventually...