Is your social life over once you have a partner?

[Atnamas]

I went out with my girlfriend a few Friday nights ago - it was my birthday the week before and she couldn't be there, so she wanted to come in to the City and shout me dinner and some drinks.

She is single. I am not.

When I got home my boyfriend blew up at me and also started attacking her, telling me he didn't like her (they've never met, mind you) and if she had a boyfriend I wouldn't "have" to be hanging with her all the time - I am not sure where he gets this all the time stuff. We hadn't met for drinks in about a year!

He is the kind of man who believes that women go out for one reason and one reason only - to pick up men. Heaven forbid we might actually want to just meet our friends for a drink. No, in his mind women do everything for men.

Lately as the weather are starting to warm up, I have been getting invitations from friends to go for drinks, housewarmings, lunches and just general catch-ups. My friends are very important to me, but I feel like a nervous wreck at the thought of telling my bf I want to see them. Even when I was out with my friend the other night, I couldn’t stop checking my watch.

I don’t really understand it… he never used to be this way. I could go out all night with my friends and stumble in at 5am. He would help nurse my hangover the next day!

I have always been totally honest in my relationships, but lately I have begun keeping things from him, like when I go to lunch with friends during work hours, or if a girlfriend and I have planned a night out, I won’t tell him until the day and pretend she spontaneously suggested it. I shouldn’t have to do that stuff but I feel like I have to.

He used to be a bigger party animal than me, but now he doesn’t even want to go out for a few hours.

I am 29 and he is 46. I don’t know if the age difference has anything to do with it but I don’t like feeling like I have to stay home every Friday and Saturday night.

I feel like he doesn't trust me. Like just because my friends are single and I’m not, I’m going to still do something bad. I am not sure what to do. I have tried speaking with him but he just somehow makes it my fault.

[Vanessa]

Makes what your fault? This isn't normal. Naturally, once you're in a relationship there will be certain changes in your social life, but under no circumstances should it be over. Unless that's what you wish, of course, which is not the case with you. I don't know how serious your relationship is but if he simply can't accept the fact that you want to go out after all your attempts to talk to him, I'd say you reconsider if you want to be with such a person. Where will this lead? To you having to lie every single time you want to see your mates? Or to your life consisting only of work and being home with him?

[Atnamas]

So I’m not going mad!

Ugh, he has this way of making me feel so terrible any time I want to see my friends, he makes me feel guilty and I rush home. He was never this possessive before. We have been together for 7 years!

[Atnamas]

Do you ASK or TELL your partner when you’re going out with friends?

[mwahahaha]

when hes 60, youll be 37,
think about what a miserable twat he ll be then when he cant even wipe his own arse.
get out while your still pretty enough to find someone your own age otherwise by the time u realise hes a grumpy ****er, you might be too fat to get a classy man, like tiger.
brutal, but true...

[mwahahaha]

wtf, are you not allowed to say ****er anymore?
philistines,,,,,,,

[devonbrown]

While age differences mean less as you get older, it seems like in this case he has moved on to a different stage in his life (the non-partying one) and you are still wanting to live it up. That makes him act controlling and judgmental to you. And you probably seem immature and silly to him.

Talk to him. Let him know that enjoy spending time with your friends and doing things with them. He either needs to trust you or not. Plus, remind him that he fell in love with who you are, not with a cardboard cutout of a girlfriend.

Personally, I think it sounds like you are heading for a make-or-break conversation with him. More than not giving up your friends for him, don't give up yourself for him. But also realize that you are 29 and the time for going out and getting sloppy drunk until 5am is something you might want to leave in your past sometime soon. And maybe you will want to be with him when you get to that point. Regardless, you need to talk with him in a calm and mature manner about all this.

Good luck.

[oldskool83]

your dating a person old nuff to be your dad and he controlling. no its not over, he needs to learn to let go because your already showing the 1st signs of a break up..your not happy.

[vashti]

While age differences mean less as you get older,

No, they don't. The differences are actually amplified.

atnamas - there is something wrong with this man (besides the age difference). Get rid of him now, before you end up pregnant.

[Atlas]

Depends on the partner.......but for every new choice you have to give something in....

[Atnamas]

But also realize that you are 29 and the time for going out and getting sloppy drunk until 5am is something you might want to leave in your past sometime soon.

As much as I know you are trying to help, I have always despised stuff like this.

Why does there have to be an age limit on going out and having a big night?

Give or take a few months between each relationship, I have been in ltr’s since I was 17 years old. I was a serial monogamist.

While everyone else spent their late teens and 20’s out partying and travelling the world I have been at home basically being a wife. I know this is my own choice, but when I have the opportunity to have a huge night, I take it!

So?

I'm not going out and cheating on him or dancing topless on tables. I spend the whole night with my girlfriends. We laugh, dance, drink and have a great time.

atnamas - there is something wrong with this man (besides the age difference). Get rid of him now, before you end up pregnant.

Oh believe me I have been starting to realise that.

I grew up in a house with an abusive, alcoholic father. He rarely took his rage out on my sister and I physically, but he would often hit my mother.

Most nights my sister was in bed early and I copped the brunt of his verbal and emotional abuse. He would get drunk and tell me I was useless and would never amount to anything. My mother, being petrified of him, never said a word in my defence.

I am nearly 30 years old now and am yet to shake the lack of self esteem I have, due to my dad’s abuse. I sometimes feel like my bf takes advantage of this.

He would never hurt me physically but he blames me for everything, even if it has to do with me being upset at something he's done. He tells me to stop making him feel bad and I end up being the one to apologise.

He has a disgusting attitude towards women. He says things like "if a woman is going to dress like a slut, not even the police would jump in if she was getting raped, because they would be able to see why".

[Cerby]

when hes 60, youll be 37,
think about what a miserable twat he ll be then when he cant even wipe his own arse.
get out while your still pretty enough to find someone your own age otherwise by the time u realise hes a grumpy ****er, you might be too fat to get a classy man, like tiger.
brutal, but true...

Might want to check that math again chief.

[bulrush]

Allow me to be direct. Your bf is an insecure man-child. Don't you want a real man who is confident and secure? I can safely predict your bf will not change. His type never changes without going through at least 1-2 divorces. You should be able to go out when you want, just tell your bf where and when in case of an emergency.

To be honest, I love being with my gf, and I don't like bars, so I don't go out that much. We really like doing things together at home.

[Petit Papillon]

Might want to check that math again chief.

43 or 37 where is the big difference ? He'll be an old grandpa while she'll still be pretty "alive" .

The age difference is too big IMO , she could actually be his daughter . Seriously, there are no younger guys out there ? Imagine having kids with him, people will mistake him with their grandpa !