Am I missing something or is he just being nice??

[CWilliams2000]

Hello!


Well, my situation is this.. I know this guy that I used to be in grade school with. We never really talked during that time. It wasn't until high school that we became acquaintances. I wouldn't really say friends because he was very quiet at the time. So it's been a good 12 years (if not more) since I've seen him. Recently, I added him to my Facebook. Same situation.. we didn't really talk much. I would get the occasional message from him after I had written about how I wanted to see a certain band/singer, and he would write me and tell me how he had seen that performer before.

So one day.. I saw he had gotten a new job. I "liked" his status message, and that was all. A few weeks later, I get a message saying "hey thanks for the congrats.. I appreciate it." I just said no problem, and really wasn't expecting to talk much with him. Well, we begin talking about music since we both have similar interests in music. I told him I had some tickets to a music festival that I was not going to be able to attend, and he told me he wanted to buy one of the tickets. It turns out he had not only wanted to buy his ticket, but he also wanted to buy my other tickets for a friend of his. We had been doing all the correspondence regarding these tickets via FB messages. I noticed one day that on one of the messages, he gave me his phone number. I thought about it and said to myself "why would he give me his number if all our correspondence has been through FB messages?" I let it go, and decided to give him my number.

Last week.. I recieved a message from him saying that his friend was not going to be able to buy the tickets. Then he wrote "I will do whatever it takes to find you a buyer". I thought that was very sweet, but the statement was kinda extreme. So we decided to get together so that I could give him the ticket, and he could pay me. I texted him the original day we were going to do this, but I told him I was going to a movie with some friends, and I would be home later in the afternoon. He said that we could do it the next day, and proceeded to ask me what movie I was going to see. So while I was texting him back, my phone rings and it's him. He was very sweet and polite, and I was impressed by how talkative his was. He offered to come to my home to pick up the ticket. We met up that next day. He said he would be at my house by 8, and at 8 on the dot.. the doorbell rang. I was nervous because it had been a long time since I had seen him. He came in, we exchanged hugs, and he told me.. "wow how long has it been.. 10, 12 years??" I said "yeah it's been a while". He began to tell me how he liked my neighborhood, and my home. So then we talked and he asked me how this exercise program I've been on is going. I was very surprised because I never thought he actually payed attention to what I write on FB unless it's music oriented. So he stayed for a good 20 minutes talking with me, and just catching up. So right before he left I said "well.. you have my number now.. keep in touch". He said "yeah sure.. I'll give you a call sometime or text you". I said "ok". Then he said.. "we should go to a show sometime". I said "yeah we should.. that would be cool.". He said "ok yeah I'll give you a call". We shared another hug, and he left.

After seeing him, and talking with him... I realized that I wouldn't mind getting involved with him. We have a lot of the same interests, and he's really nice. So I guess my question is... could there be interest from his side as well or is he just being a nice guy?? I can never read into these situations. I think he's single, but I'm not all that sure. I'm trying to remain as level headed as possible. Is this guy something worth looking into or is he just being nice? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

[nerdy_guy]

It seems that he showed interest in you. Try going out with him for a while, see what he's up to. its still too early to speculate too much into his intentions.

[Yet another guy]

So I guess my question is... could there be interest from his side as well

Yes, there could. He certainly behaves like he's interested.

I think he's single, but I'm not all that sure.

Ask him.

Is this guy something worth looking into

You tell me. From what you write, it seems like you're interested in him which suggests that he is worth looking into.
nerdy_guy gave sound advice. Date him and you'll find the answers to your questions yourself.

[HeartIsAching]

I dunno... I don't think I'm seeing a lot of interest beyond plain old friendliness. I could be wrong - try asking him instead of asking us to guess for you.

[bulrush]

Then he said.. "we should go to a show sometime".
I said "yeah we should.. that would be cool.".

Your response to the two of you going to a movie was awfully cool, aloof I'd say. That makes you hard to read. He probably thinks you are not interested, and your answers were just to be polite.

If you were more clear in your intentions, you might see results. I think he does like you. He called you, he came over to talk to you in person, he stayed 20 minutes (I'm sure he wanted to stay more but he didn't have time, or he didn't want to appear desperate). I think he is interested, but you seem aloof, distant.

What do you think he would say if YOU asked him on a movie date? Would he like that? That would send a clear message that you like him.

Some of my rules are:
- I always use the word "date" so there is no doubting what it is.
- If some emergency comes up, I make it clear I need to cancel the date, but I offer a new day and time and work with the girl for the change in plans.
- A first date is just to get to know each other. If things work out, a second date is possible. It doesn't mean you are dating exclusively until you both talk about that and agree to it.

[CWilliams2000]

Thank you everyone for your advice!! So the plot has gotten a little interesting. When he said that he wanted the ticket, I told him I was glad he was going. I told him to do me a favor and see a certain band that was going to be performing there. This was weeks ago, and I really didn't think he would remember. Last night, I heard my text message alert was going off. I checked to see it was three txt messages from him. I opened them to find three photos of the band I wanted to see. I was completely suprised!! After freaking out.. I txted him back telling him thank you and that he was awesome. He said that when the band comes in concert again.. that him and I will go. I said yes definitely.

What are you thoughts on that??? All comments are appreciated!!

[jb1111983]

He's trying to impress you for sure and sounds like you're interested in him as well. So good haha

[freespirit24]

Right up until the end of the story I thought you were going to say 'this guy is giving me the creeps with how much attention he is paying to my day to day happenings on Facebook, and now he is stalking me!'... So I conclude a whole-hearted YES, he is interested and if he is really a 'nice guy' (nice guy syndrome alert - I had it too once), then you need to make it unbelievably obvious that you are interested or he will bail and not ask you out for fear of rejection. Your responses to him sounded a bit cold, so warm up a bit and maybe suggest to meet up for a drink with him yourself, don't wait up. If that's too much pressure then invite him to something you are doing anyway with your friends.

[bulrush]

Most guys, I mean straight guys, are not wired to interpret subtle social clues, and this means in dating. So you need to just say you want a date with him. Like "Are you going to ask me out on a date?" or "We should go on a date sometime." Or you may need to ask him out. Be patient, that's the way younger guys are. I'm 40 now and just now starting to "get" these clues. Though I much prefer clear communication to subtle hints, I'm picking up on the clues now.

If you want to go out with him, just be direct.

[CWilliams2000]

(nice guy syndrome alert - I had it too once),

Explain this nice guy syndrome please...

[Yet another guy]

if he is really a 'nice guy' (nice guy syndrome alert - I had it too once), then you need to make it unbelievably obvious that you are interested or he will bail and not ask you out for fear of rejection

Being nice means you are not an arrogant, selfish asshole. If you're too nice, you also become overcompliant, which girls hate.
Fear of rejection is just that, fear of getting rejected. Maybe something (such as low confidence) causes both niceness and fear of rejection, but I don't believe that niceness directly causes fear of rejection.

That said, it's always best for you to always show your interest as obviously as you can or even better, make the initiative yourself, whether you're guy or girl. Many guys can't pick up on cryptic hints, they fear rejection or are shy. Most girls are even worse.

[Mathias]

Being nice means you are not an arrogant, selfish asshole.

No, it doesn't. It means you're a wimp.

It's not one or the other.