Teen Porn?

[tjb33]

My boyfriend looks at "teen" porn on a regular basis, almost daily. We've been together for over a year and we live together. I have an issue with the fact that he likes the "teen" stuff even though I know most of them are 18/19. Buy it's the idea that bothers me. Do most guys think teen porn is normal and common? Or should I be concerned?

[Mathias]

I'd search and find a lot of the related topics on this subject in here. It's been debated to death, you'll get a lot there.

As long as the girls are legal, his particular viewing habits are pretty irrelevant.

[searock]

Ugh, it would bother the hell out of me. I'd feel like he didn't like me cause I'm too old or something. And I passionately hate older men who like teen girls (for personal reasons). How old is he? And you? Regardless of the fact that it may or may not be common (I'd love to believe it wasn't but I'm afraid it's more common than we imagine), I think you should talk to him about the fact that you feel uncomfortable because of it.

[Yet another guy]

Buy it's the idea that bothers me.

What is it about idea of 18 - 19 year olds having sex that bothers you? Often, the actors are over 20 in reality.

Do most guys think teen porn is normal and common?

It's normal. Probably way more common than the porn that I watch.

Or should I be concerned?

Ofcourse not. It's just porn.

[tjb33]

I confronted him a while ago and he lied and said that his roommates must have been using his computer. I understood that he was embarassed so I let it go. Then after his roomies moved out I saw the sites in his history again. I eventually got him to admit it and I told him very honestly how I felt, admitting that I Have personal biases because I'm a child psychologist and have dealt with underage girls being exploited. However I did not ask him to stop. I felt like if I asked him to stop, it would make it more appealing for him. I'm having a hard time thinking about marrying someone who has fantasies about teens.

[tjb33]

And I was upset about the fact that he lied about it so adamantly. He even tried to turn it around and got mad at me for not trusting and believing him.

Btw, we are both 29 years old... as if I didnt have enough of a problem turning 30, no I have to deal with this

[searock]

Yeah... I would be mad and sad at the same time. I have actually been into a relationship with a very much older man when I was 17, and now that I'm older I keep regretting it. And I hate hate HATE older men who even just fantasize about teen girls. I can see why your being a child psychologist would make it much worse to bear. Plus, there's the lying issue. Has he at least promised that he would never lie to you again? I think that if someone lies to you once, it means they are able to do it any time they want, and you would have no way of trusting them. But such a promise would be a start...
The reason why you didn't ask him to stop is not because you would feel like you were somehow limiting his "space", but rather because you're afraid he would be even more appealed to it... it means it's really a huge deal to you. I think you should let him know just how much this matters to you. I know that I couldn't stand it. If he can't realize just how much he's hurting you, or if he does and yet still continues (perhaps even lying more), you should probably reconsider your relationship with him. (but then I'm probably being so harsh in his regards because I'm biased myself)

[Mathias]

I confronted him a while ago and he lied and said that his roommates must have been using his computer. I understood that he was embarassed so I let it go. Then after his roomies moved out I saw the sites in his history again. I eventually got him to admit it and I told him very honestly how I felt, admitting that I Have personal biases because I'm a child psychologist and have dealt with underage girls being exploited. However I did not ask him to stop. I felt like if I asked him to stop, it would make it more appealing for him. I'm having a hard time thinking about marrying someone who has fantasies about teens.

Wait, you discovered this because of his browser history?

I'd dump him because he's dumb.

[tjb33]

Seriously, it was pretty stupid to not clear his history. The first time I didnt even try to look. I was looking for something else and the auto complete took me to some porn site and then I started checking later.
My dilemma is that I'm concerned with the beliefs and values that go along with being interested I that type of porn. I feel like guys who are into that have feelings of inadequacy and fantasize about being with someone who is young, naive and inexperienced in order to feel better about themselves.
That's why this is such a problem for me. Even if I ask him to stop and he does stop; the underlying feelings and desires that drew him to teen porn in the first place are still there. I think couples counseling might be the only solution so that we could address those issues together, but he isn't someone who is very open to counseling and therapy, which is ironic considering my profession.
I also think asking him to go to counseling would be kind of extreme right now and he would feel like I'm pathologizing his behavior or something... Even though I do think it's disturbing
I don't know what to do

[Mathias]

Seriously, it was pretty stupid to not clear his history. The first time I didnt even try to look. I was looking for something else and the auto complete took me to some porn site and then I started checking later.
My dilemma is that I'm concerned with the beliefs and values that go along with being interested I that type of porn. I feel like guys who are into that have feelings of inadequacy and fantasize about being with someone who is young, naive and inexperienced in order to feel better about themselves.
That's why this is such a problem for me. Even if I ask him to stop and he does stop; the underlying feelings and desires that drew him to teen porn in the first place are still there. I think couples counseling might be the only solution so that we could address those issues together, but he isn't someone who is very open to counseling and therapy, which is ironic considering my profession.
I also think asking him to go to counseling would be kind of extreme right now and he would feel like I'm pathologizing his behavior or something... Even though I do think it's disturbing
I don't know what to do

You're going a little overboard here.

He looks at teen porn because it's fun. The psychological reason behind it is that he's horny.

If he was looking at goat on chicken porn, I'd start to worry. This is incredibly tame.

[smackie9]

And I was upset about the fact that he lied about it so adamantly. He even tried to turn it around and got mad at me for not trusting and believing him.

Btw, we are both 29 years old... as if I didnt have enough of a problem turning 30, no I have to deal with this

Turning 30?! oh Christ, I could do it standing on my head lol.

[Yet another guy]

Turning 30?! oh Christ, I could do it standing on my head lol.

I'm curious. Did you stand on your head when you turned 30?

[smackie9]

Seriously, it was pretty stupid to not clear his history. The first time I didnt even try to look. I was looking for something else and the auto complete took me to some porn site and then I started checking later.
My dilemma is that I'm concerned with the beliefs and values that go along with being interested I that type of porn. I feel like guys who are into that have feelings of inadequacy and fantasize about being with someone who is young, naive and inexperienced in order to feel better about themselves.
That's why this is such a problem for me. Even if I ask him to stop and he does stop; the underlying feelings and desires that drew him to teen porn in the first place are still there. I think couples counseling might be the only solution so that we could address those issues together, but he isn't someone who is very open to counseling and therapy, which is ironic considering my profession.
I also think asking him to go to counseling would be kind of extreme right now and he would feel like I'm pathologizing his behavior or something... Even though I do think it's disturbing
I don't know what to do

Welcome to the male brain. They work totally different from ours so your perspective on this is distorted. Men are sexual creatures, physically, visually stimulated with a sexdrive on overdrive to boot. They will instintively look at other women, at porn, masturbate, and fantasize about eveything sexual for the rest of their lives. And yes they DO think with their penis, and are not in anyway emotionally attached to those girls in the porns he views.You are being absolutly silly. He doesn't need therapy, he is a normal heterosexual male. That is how they are hun, so you better get over it.

I myself, a female, enjoy porn for it's "stimulating" qualities. Porn is just entertainment like the other poster said and by no means a replacement of you or love. Sex and love are two separate things. So relax. If your sex life is great, then he isn't addicted or withdrawing from you.....if he was then you would have something to worry about.

Tip: people use "private browser" if you don't want people to know whatyou have been looking at. It's in the tools....very useful.

[smackie9]

I'm curious. Did you stand on your head when you turned 30?

I was groped by a male stripper covered in glo in the dark paint....does that count?

[Yet another guy]

Did you give him tip?