Do you trust Your GF with a Gay

**Wakeup** · 19-09-11, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching

If he does not trust his girlfriend, then he should just walk. If he does trust her, he'd take her at her word.

I swear this concept seems to be impossible for some people to get. Trust is trust. My wife could tell me she was sleeping in the bed with her gay male friend and I'd be ok with it. Or a straight one, for that matter. I know for a fact that she wouldn't "go there"... I just know it, because I trust her, and she says so.

Trust is is one thing but what you're describing is called blind faith. I trust my hubby as well but I'd still think him sleeping with another woman (whether they screwed or not) to be a relationship boundary cross and disrespectful to me as well. He agrees and so he wouldn't do it and he would expect and trust that I wouldn't do it either.

**HeartIsAching** · 19-09-11, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Trust is is one thing but what you're describing is called blind faith. I trust my hubby as well but I'd still think him sleeping with another woman (whether they screwed or not) to be a relationship boundary cross and disrespectful to me as well. He agrees and so he wouldn't do it and he would expect and trust that I wouldn't do it either.

True. I didn't say I'd be comfortable with it, but if she told me nothing happened, then nothing happened.

And yeah, I'd rather not put it to the test.

Ahhh... guess I did say I'd be ok with it, so that wasn't entirely accurate, but you get my meaning.

**mwahahaha** · 19-09-11, 09:05 AM

Best thread ever. Cant wait till the dude comes back and kicks off coz his bird made him look a twat on the interweb.
Total car crash this effort, fckn brilliant.

**ineedhelpnow** · 19-09-11, 08:31 PM

informationseek really is my girlfriend, she found I was on here in the internet history bar. I really dont have to be right anymore, I felt like I had to prove it to myself that i was right. Whatever happened I just want to be happy. Thank you people for giving me advice on my current situation. I just needed to talk to people that weren't biased. I could of called my mom up and talked to her but she knows my girlfriend and couldnt give me a honest opinion. Well I better get going got to be at work soon, thx again you good people

**girl68** · 20-09-11, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Oh fer chrissake... Just because he's gay and doesn't want you it doesn't mean sleeping in the same bed with him isn't a relationship boundary cross, particularily in the emotional connection sense. It's disrespectful to your partner IMO it doesn't automatically make him insecure or homophobic. *rolls eyes*

remember: each couple has their own boundaries. my guy couldn't care less if I sleep with my flamer friend, he knows this has happened.

**Wakeup** · 20-09-11, 01:33 AM

Originally Posted by girl68

remember: each couple has their own boundaries. my guy couldn't care less if I sleep with my flamer friend, he knows this has happened.

Yes, and that is why relationships don't last the test of time anymore. Boundaries are far too lax or even non-existent these days as far as this old broad is concerned. It is fine for you and your guy so have fun but in my opinion it is disrespectful to all involved. JMO, of course. Also: Keep in mind that the OP definately would not agree with what you do.

**girl68** · 20-09-11, 02:16 AM

Of course that's the OP's call. However, my guy has asked me to marry him knowing all of this. Our boundaries have been explicitly stated and agreed upon. So for us this a non-issue. The OP and his gf, have not been able to iron out and agree to each others boundaries, and that's the issue.

**Wakeup** · 20-09-11, 02:31 AM

Our boundaries have been explicitly stated and agreed upon. So for us this a non-issue.

Agreed.. However the problem I had with your first post is that you dismiss the OP's boundaries by calling him "terribly insecure or have issues with homosexuals" instead of just accepting that he does not have the same (lax) boundaries as you and your guy. That is my point. Surely you can grasp that people do not have to be insecure or homophobic to not want their partner sleeping with a member of the opposit sex (whether they're gay or not) there is an emotional connection there. Also.. as I said. if she were to be spending most of her time and emotions with a female girlfriend and taking away from their primary relationship connection, then that is a problem. No one would be happy with their mate spending more time with a friend then they did with them, investing more emotions in a friend then they are in them etc. (not that op's gf is.. just sayin)

**Hayden10** · 20-09-11, 11:06 AM

A gay? are we back to that?....ok....I think that it bothers you, so you should talk about it. Like someone said earlier every couple has their boundaries. I personally wouldn't like my significant other to sleep with their lesbian friends. However I have had gay friends and my previous boyfriends were fine with it. Sometimes girls will rather spend time with their gay friends because it's a change from hanging out with their female friends. I like to spend time with my gay friends because I can share the same stuff with them as with my female friends and not worry about them being overly catty. But if my boyfriend did have doubts, then I would spend more time with my female friends, just out of respect to my boyfriend.

So if it bothers you, speak up! good luck

**ineedhelpnow** · 20-09-11, 07:19 PM

Thanks Wakeup, I see by your answer to my questions that you are a smart, confident, women. Alot of women are answering my question, saying that there boyfriend or husband do not mind if they sleap with their gay friend. I think this is an absolute lie. These women are dillusional. These men do care, but do not have the confidence or the balls to step up and say that they dont want their girlfriend or wife to sleap in the same bed with other gay guys. Also these women that do this are also disrespecting there husband. If my wife or gf was disrespecting me like this and not caring about my feelings there is know way I could see myself in a relationship with them in the future, they do not have morals. If I slept in several lesbian beds I guarantee that my girlfriend will not be happy with me. Also alot of people say they are gay or a lesbian when this is a lie just to make bf or husband not worry as much. Do you agree?

One more thing. If I sleap in alot of beds with lesbians and my girlfriend does not care about this at all, then I find that very strange. She must not care much about me at all. Also If she lets me sleap in lesbians beds without getting upset I guarantee that it would lead to sleaping in straight womens beds and having sex with them because "oh I can just tell my girlfriend that they are lesbians" and because there are no boundaries set into the relationship to prevent this from happening, trust me its just way to easy for things to happen.

**informationseek** · 21-09-11, 07:49 AM

Hey all! I am checking in...first of all, I never slept in my friend's bed - ever!! I am very old fashioned. I do not believe in sleep overs with gay or straight guys. And, I would not want my boyfriend to sleep with a woman, straight or gay either. I have pretty strict boundaries. I even think flirting with the opposite sex is disrespectful to a serious relationship. There is no double standard with me. 7 1/2 of the years of the 9 we have been together were long distance and even with that, I never dated anyone else - didn't really want too. I flew all over the country to be with him. I have three children and the deal was, whenever he thought he was going to be with a team permanently, I would move. Well, it finally got old and we are living together now (try explaining that to his grandmothers, lol.) We had a long talk (well, several) after all the posting on this forum and I think we are in a good place. Thanks for all the advice - it gave us both a lot to think and talk about. Remember, no relationship will ever work without communication. Never be afraid to speak up!

**ineedhelpnow** · 21-09-11, 10:11 AM

Hey informationseek, your the best girlfriend I could ever have wished for. Im sorry for all this! I just want to be happy, and you make me happy :-)

**Wakeup** · 21-09-11, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by ineedhelpnow

Hey informationseek, your the best girlfriend I could ever have wished for. Im sorry for all this! I just want to be happy, and you make me happy :-)

hey... that's two for you and none for her O.o

**Simple Love** · 21-09-11, 10:40 AM

It really depends on the girl but that definitely is a little bit weird that she continues to hang out with him...

**shpadoinklejoe** · 25-09-11, 05:26 AM

Have you met him before? Gay guys make great friends, just meet up with him and her and find out for yourself.

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