Cheating and Future Relationships

[Rollingwithlife]

The other day, I got into a debate with someone over revealing to a potential partner that he has cheated in the past.

(Just so we're clear, I've never cheated myself, and don't plan on ever cheating.)



So according to this particular guy's situation, there was a time when a mutual love existed between him and his friend, but because they didn't know it was mutual, she eventually found herself a different boyfriend. This guy then decided to deal with the pain by getting into a relationship with another girl he didn't even like (using her as his emotional crutch). The girl he's in love with finds out about his situation, reveals how she's felt about him all this time, and they both end up cheating on their respective partners - if you ask me, that's quite a few strikes in that situation. Anyway, I wasn't told how the story ended, but the current situation is that he's now looking for a serious relationship with someone who'll respect his honesty in sharing this about himself, and hoping they would overlook his past completely.

My argument was that if he was truly a changed person, he should probably refrain from sharing that story with his new potential partner, so as not to throw his chances down the gutter right off the bat. After all, relationships are built on trust, and if you're throwing it out there that you've already intentionally shaken things up before, your date is already feeling unsure and uncomfortable about you, and probably can never feel that she trusts you, 100%.




Now I'm just curious, as other women looking in on this situation, should he or should he not share that he's cheated in the past with his potential partners (yes plural, to imply the dating stage)? If he's truly changed and learned from his mistakes, I feel like he should just start over on a clean slate instead of shaking up the foundation for a relationship, where your partner can never feel like she can fully trust you. While I'd like to encourage his honesty, it seems like unnecessary honesty that would ultimately do more harm than good to the both of them.

Your thoughts?

[Andariel]

Personally I am against talking about past relationships (unless the guy had been married or has kids or if something major had happened during a previous relationship that couild impact on the new one etc). A new relationship should be a fresh start and I am of the view that the ex files should be kept locked away in some forgotten closet and not brought into the new relationship.

If your friend has learned from his mistake and genuinely has no intention of engaging into that type of behaviour again then I see no reason in talking about it, especially during the dating phase. If he does feel the need to share tis information, perhaps he could do it further down the line when he would be in a relationship with someone who has had the time to get to know him and therefore would be able to tell whether she feels she can trust him or not inspite of what happened in the past.

[smackie9]

Whatever happened in the past or the number of people you slept with is no one's business. Nothing wrong with asking about one here and there but it is up to the other's discretion. Even if one cheated in the pasted, people do mature and move on from their bad choices.