Matchmaking ... What do I do?

[vashti]

Well, you go right ahead and accept that controlling crap from your mom if you want to. .

.......???

What an odd reaction to meeting someone new at dinner.

Do you likewise consider a friend who introduces you to a single woman to be controlling? Or is this limited to your mom?

[Wakeup]

Well, I need advice here! I've been off the dating world about 4 month now...
I visit my parents every weekend . But this time the mother surprises me with a matchmaking move.. Ignoring my plea(s) {I don't wanna...I'm not ready... I need time... I wanna be left alone now} she already invited the guy (they're trying to set me up with) over for dinner Sunday night... now what do I do? How can I probably escape this stupid situation without embarrassing everyone (the guy, my parents, their friends)... Seriously shall I escape first thing in the morning?! ... Help?!

I'd not go and if you do go you're enabling your mother to disregard your feelings for her own agenda.
If you told your mother straight forward and clear that you we're not ready to meet any guy then she is being presumptuous and disregarding your feelings. it's been 4 months and you're mom is treating it like it's been 4 years you've been making "I'm not ready" excuses.

She may think she's got the best intentions for you in mind but that's besides the point but she needs to know that by doing what she did, she delegated your emotional best interests to be of less value than her own by ignoring you and going ahead with her plans.

It may just be dinner and she's not obligated to marry him but I think the point here is that her mother ignored her by imposing her own agenda.

If she goes now she will be in no mood to see the beauty of this man forever to dlegate him to "mom's choice" whereas if she were to wait until she's in a mood to be more social and open, they may hit it off nicely and a relationship would have a better chance to form.

~ * Well too late, you went and the timing was off and now thats, that.

[vampiress]

After seeing the bigger picture here.... I think it would've been the same if one of my friends was setting me up without me knowing ... it's just that we often tend to roll our eyes everytime our parents try to interfere in our lives ... what a drama queen that I've become.... damn you (*&^%$)!

[Wakeup]

Fair enough... just don't allow your mother to do things to you like that as a habit. Do you think your friends would do that to you after you've specifically told them that you are'nt ready to meet any prospects? If they did, would you still consider them your friend who has your best interests at heart? If she (your mom) had waited a few more months, when you've processed your last breakup a little better, you may have viewed this man in a different light. *shrugs* maybe you still wouldn't but at least you would have enjoyed the evening a little more.

[vampiress]

Everyone is worried about my mental health here ... and to be honest ... I gave them every reason to ..... (insomnia, paranoia ... bitching ..... shall I continue?!)
Guess it's time to snap out of it.....

[vashti]

After seeing the bigger picture here.... I think it would've been the same if one of my friends was setting me up without me knowing ... it's just that we often tend to roll our eyes everytime our parents try to interfere in our lives ... what a drama queen that I've become.... damn you (*&^%$)!

This posts represents growth. Congratulations on taking a big step away from childhood. I mean this sincerely. Life is too short to be constantly looking for malicious intent from the people we KNOW love us the most. Learning to roll with the punches and having a sense of humor will get you a lot further than asserting your right to be irritable.

[Wakeup]

Well, Vamp I'm not sure what that has to do with what I had to say? Perhaps you were'nt addressing my post however: You were engaged and you had a hard blow that you need to overcome. 4 Months is not a long time in the scheme of getting totally over someone. I suspect that every day gets a little easier for you. I'd not take this place so seriously though. I'm sure you can give back just as well as you get once you're not feeling sorry about your lot.

Guess it's time to snap out of it.....

Look after yourself and get out there and do things for you that make you feel like you're being the best you that you can be. You have the right to not be a people pleaser occassionally, even if it's your mom you're not pleasing. Having a sense of humour and being a pushover are two different things. Being assertive does not mean you're being anything other than a person who is looking after themselves.

[vashti]

Having a sense of humour and being a pushover are two different things.

Yes, by all means, don't be a pushover. Next time, stay home and make your own damn dinner. THAT will teach her to try to do something nice for you. lol

[Wakeup]

Yes, by all means, don't be a pushover. Next time, stay home and make your own damn dinner. THAT will teach her to try to do something nice for you. lol

She should be fine with doing that anyway... It would do her good. She's not in junior high even if her mom treats her like she is..

[vampiress]

It depends on how you look at it........

[Wakeup]

It depends on how you look at it........

Exactly! not everyone looks at it the same way so you take what works for YOU and you disregard the rest. Opinions are only Opinions... just don't be easily swayed or made to aquiesced and dismiss your own feelings on things is all.

[vampiress]

You know if that what makes her happy.... I can put up with some of those dinners..
Who knows.... maybe I'll get to meet THE ONE.... I'll ask her to consult it with me next time

[Wakeup]

I'll ask her to consult it with me next time

I thought you did this time and she ignored your wishes anyway? If you didn't tell her that you were uncomfortable then you can hardly blame her for not knowing you are?

Your mom sounds like George Castanza's mother. :o)

... Ciao.

[vampiress]

I thought you did this time and she ignored your wishes anyway? If you didn't tell her that you were uncomfortable then you can hardly blame her for not knowing you are?

Your mom sounds like George Castanza's mother. :o)

... Ciao.

Wow.... George Castanza's mother... is a lunatic ... my mom is a bit better than that
well I did ask her not to but she said she's gonna invite him anyway .... "if you don't like, don't come downstairs to join us on dinner but keep in mind that you're embarrassing us .... blah ... blah....
you know what I'm saying here ... It's just a dinner ... I don't have to marry the damned guy I get it now

[Wakeup]

well I did ask her not to but she said she's gonna invite him anyway .... "if you don't like, don't come downstairs to join us on dinner but keep in mind that you're embarrassing us ....

Manipulative and throws the motherly guilt trip.. Yep.. George's mother.