Why does it hurt SO much more ending a short term relationship then a long term one?

[Missthing]

I met this amazing guy in July and he was from abroad. My time with him was so much fun. It was intense and passionate. I tried so hard not to fall in love with him. Telling myself to just go and have some fun and then leave him if he gets too close. I was hoping it wouldn't hurt when he left. Cause I always knew he was leaving.

But it hurts so bad not having him here. The other morning I woke up and rolled over hoping to cuddle and lay on his chest. But he wasn't there. I'm such an idiot. Now all I have are the memories and A LOT of heartache. Why is it like this? My relationship with him only lasted 2 months. I had a 3 year long relationship with a guy and when it ended, yes it hurt, but not like this. Am I the only fool on this planet?

[searock]

You probably weren't in love anymore with the guy you broke up with after the long term relationship, while you are still in the "honeymoon" phase with this guy (or you would be if you were still close to each other), so yeah I guess it's normal.

[Andariel]

It has a lot to do with the so called honeymoon phase of the relationship. The first few months of a new relationship are filled with passion, discovering the other person, doing stuff together for the first time and of course adventurous sex. In a long term relationship the passionate phase starts to wear off and deeper feelings, shared dreams and goals develop although the passion is not usually at the forefront of the relationship at least the way it used to be during the honeymoon phase.

If a relationship ends abruptly during the honeymoon phase you are left with unfulfilled desires and hopes as the relationship has not yet run its course and you spend time imagining how your life would have been with him (ie.what would it be like to go on holidays together for the first time, to move in together etc). You long for your partner on many levels and most importanly on a sexual level which would not normally be as intense after having been together for a few years. Of course breaking up from a long term relationship has the potential to be extremely hurtful as well because of the time and deep feelings you have invested in it and it can take longer to heal mainly because you have shared so much of yourself with your significant other and you have changed aspects of your life/made compromises for the relationship to work.

The pain of breaking up from a short term relationship may feel more intense but it usually takes a much shorter time to heal as your life (ie. your routine) had not changed dramatically or over such a long period as it would have with a long term relationship.Plus don't forget that after you have been with someone for a long time you know more or less if he is the right person for you and you will have taken him off the pedestral we tend to put someone we don't know that well which is the case during the first few months of a new relationship when we still hope that any red flags are just ia product of iour magination!