guys especially....... what should i do

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Well, let's see. I tend to push them away and let them know why I'm pushing them away (I'm very honest with people I date, might be why I'm single). But I don't do it as a game. I don't push them away to see how long it'll take for them to come to me or anything so childish as that. When I do it its more that I really just need some time to myself. Since I'm used to being alone so much, when I have someone always there who cares its makes things a little uncomfortable, not what I'm used to. So I give myself some alone time. Personally by the time I'm ready to come back out of my hole the girls have already given up on me and moved on. It doesn't happen over a long period of time, maybe 2 or 3 weeks, but they tend to give up. Personally the best thing I can advise is to give him some time and be there when he's managed to cope. Unfortunately not all guys work through it as fast as I do, ask Squirt. Her man had his hiding phase for like 8 months or so. Give yourself a limit on how long to wait. But be there for him when he's ready to come back. Hope that helps.

[squirrley]

Ahh Zekk I know how you feel about my scenario here, but its only been a few months, and it hasn't helped were also in a long distance thing and not able to see one another daily, weekly, etc. Our circumstances are VERY similar Aber, but its true, you do have to let him do his own thing for a bit. Guys need their time for whatever it is, and if were up their ass, its so not going to help. But like Zekk said, you kinda have set a time limit for yourself. Dont wait forever girl. But I think you'll get to a point where you will know when its right to do the thing that is best for you.

We are in such an exact situation...its so hard when things are great, no fighting, you get along so awesome and then bam! But, like all things everything happens for a reason, you just have to have patience and understanding. Zekk is right, most women bail because they dont understand them. Its not about US, its about them. So hang tight sweetie, and go about doing your own thing, dont bug him, let him to come to you, but once in awhile drop a line so he knows youre not upset with him. If you want to chat hit me up K?

[Pondman]

abercromqt20

I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying this. But I think you are really young and maybe don't understand. People can care about each other but that doesn't necissarily mean they will have a romantic, sexual relationship in the future. There might become time when you can sit down with this person and just enjoy this person. But it sound like you are very much over your head emotionally.

My advice is to really try and find someone maybe an older female friend or sister to help you with this. It sounds as if you and the guy are very young, and both of you care about each other, and don't want to hurt each other. But there are things that he needs to do, like moving to go to college or get a job. And he might be thinking what is best for you, and in fact is showing a form of caring. If he isn't-- and he is demonstrating that he wants to pursue other women then you will need to work on yourself which in itself is a painful thing.

Writing to tell him that you are emotionally crazy over this break up may not be a great idea. You really need to find a good friend to talk to about this. Because he may be moving on, and I don't want you devistated by leaving your emotional doors open for him.

[abercromqt20]

first off we aren't that young. he's going to be 25 next month and is already a college grad, has his own house, and has been a cop for like 3 years. me, i'm 22 and in the end of my junior year in college. and i'm not being like some psyco over this. it's been like 2 weeks now, and i haven't once called him or anything. i think i have taken it pretty well. the problem is this guy has a history or doing this. both him and i know it. and i wanted to know what i should do. whether it be to call him up or do nothing at all. so far i have done nothing at all.

[cycletease]

I think that you are doing the right thing, continue giving him space. It is possible that he will come back around. Fear of intimacy is a common issue especially among men.

I feel like I have to throw this out there for you to keep in the back of your mind. Even if your guy comes back, his issue will not have gone away. This will be a problem that is persistent in your relationship. Until he has a breakthrough and works these issues out at any given time he may just up an do this again. Think of what you will have invested after 5 years and he does this?

Also, keep in mind that this relationship is not just about him. You have feelings, too. Although we tend to minimize our own feelings when we are head over heels for someone, you still need to take care of yourself. His dumping you out of the blue effects you and a lot of this discussion has focused solely on how he feels. I just want to make sure that your feelings are addressed, too.

[nomas]

It's what I'm saying. Don't forget to look out for Amber. As much you can, take it in stride and keep seeking out fun things. If he comes back around, if you still are up for it, "great", in the mean time "If the problem has a solution, why worry about it? If it doesn't, why worry about it?"...so I insist..distract yourself from this issue as much as you can.

It's a mindset, really. At least, personally, I think I've seen too many movies, so we want drama in our lives..even if it means playing the martyr every now and then. But when we make the decision not to play this role..things start rolling in the direction out of the drama and into real life.

Freddie

[cbee]

Lots of people have great advice & opinions & I don't think I can improve on any of it (especially Squirrely's thoughts) but wanted to send a hug anyway (cos sometimes that's what we need more than anything).

So ONE BIG HUG TO YOU!

[abercromqt20]

awww thanks Cbee! thanks so much for all of your advice. i have been doing the right thing and going out with my friends and having a good time. i even met a guy at the bar the other night. but to update you all he finally called me last night and we talked for a good 2 hours plus about everything. and it left me feeling so much better. just not to be in the dark about everything. and he said he would call me in a few days. but then he called me today and asked if i wanted to go with him to this comedy club tomorrow night. so that's where i am right now. i'm just going into it with no expectations. and ofcourse i'm not just going to hook up with him. i mean who wants to buy the cow when u can get the milk for free, right?!? besides he wouldn't put me in that position. for right now i'm happy. but i won't wait forever. he knows that. so i will let u guys know what happens!

[nomas]

Thanks for the update, Amber. I wasn't too sure, but now I can see I don't have to worry about you anymore.

You got this.

Freds

[abercromqt20]

see i wasn't like some raving psyco or anything. i never even tried calling him. i was going out with my friends dancing and stuff. it was just hard to be broken up with when it wasn't about us, it was about him. for now i hope i got this. we'll see. i will post you guys after our date tomorrow.

[abercromqt20]

*UPDATE* sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you on this. I've been so busy with finals, work, and the weekend that i haven't had much time. anyways, we went out friday night. as you all know i went into the situation with no expectations. after talking awhile he said he had been thinking about everything i had said to him, and he was scared he was once again throwing away a good thing and if it was ok with me that we could still date each other. i was like do u even have to ask?!? but we had a great night and it has been great since. i'm no dummy though. i understand that with people like this, this problem could resurface at any time. but for now everything is great. thanks to everyone that helped me through this, you guys rock!

[sfalexi]

So is he EXCLUSIVELY dating you again? Or are you a booty call that he just tells you he's dating you in order to get some?

[abercromqt20]

no, we're exclusively dating again. he made that clear. we didn't even sleep together that night. we just went out and had a good time.

[sfalexi]

ok. Just checkin' cause I know that lots of guys would get back together and be seeing other people on the side.

Have you figured out what made him break it off in the first place?

Cause if you haven't, you'll end up doing it again. I'm a believer that if something is gonna make him break it off, it'd be nice if he told you what it was so at least you'd have the OPTION of changing for the better. And likewise you to him (if there's something you find wrong or annoying with him, let him know and maybe he'll change for ya)

[Pondman]

first off we aren't that young. he's going to be 25 next month and is already a college grad, has his own house, and has been a cop for like 3 years. me, i'm 22 and in the end of my junior year in college.

Sound young to me. Doesn't sound like you have done very much self exploration. Don't seem to know yourself very well or the person who you want a relationship with. I wouldn't equate a house with someone mature enough to have the kind of relationship you want-- to a guy it just might be a place to live.

Hey I'm just telling you what I think. Not trying to tell you how to live--you don't have to listen. But, I think you might be better off in your life if you hang out with people you like. Maybe, somebody else will come along.