guys especially....... what should i do

[Zekk_T_Strife]

That's just negative pondman. They're 22 and 25, there is a HUGE range of maturity that individuals can fall into when they're in that age range. To assume they have no idea what they want in a relationship because he has a minor issue with intimacy is a bit presumptuous of you.

[Pondman]

That's just negative pondman.

He's a 25 year old Cop-- high stress lifestyle with lots of divorce, alcoholism, emotional and social problems. There isn't a job with more stress. Maybe, he needs to give his job the priority. And she sounds like her priority is to move in and nest. Maybe he doesn't want that intimacy--right now. It doesn't sound like the house is theirs-- its his. The odds of a longterm successful relationship don't sound high. Sound like she really needs to find out what she wants in life. I hate to see people under chemical bliss, move in and get pregnant and have unwanted kids. I would rather see people with the same interests and beliefs who just like each other sleeping with each other, rather than people who have nothing in common but are in bliss.

This is exactly what I would tell a friend. I would say this to her as If I was a friend. Why shouldn't I speak the truth?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I hate to see people under chemical bliss, move in and get pregnant and have unwanted kids.

While I agree with this completely, sometimes you just have to believe in people. Regardless of statistical patterns, some people will always see themselves as "the exception" and go through with bad decisions just to show you they aren't like everyone else. While I do agree with a lot of the things you've said, sometimes a more tactful approach whilst keeping their feelings and what important to them in mind. Lumping people into a group and trying to tell them their limitations based on their similarities to others will only harden them to listen to any advice you may give, regardless of how valuable it may be. Probably the biggest faux paus is the insistence that they are in fact young. Do you know how many times people hear how young they are by the time their 25? Instead of being shown the blessing of many years yet to come, it more often than not comes off as inneffective and insulting badgering. Somewhere along here I've lost my point and just started rambling, sorry for my digression.

[Pondman]

Look!!! I am only approaching this as wanting the best for someone. What should I say... go find some cops who have gone through this? And talk to them? Maybe I should. But that wouldn't be a romantic approach either. They'd probably tell her that their lifestyle is too rough for her. And that she and he don't have enough experience to do what she wants at this time. I think if she pushes the issue, they will have a big trainwreck.

I think she needs the support of some friends. Find some friends to hang out with for awhile. Decides what she wants in life. Yes, I'd tell her to back off! I would also tell her to approach him as wanting the best for him.

[abercromqt20]

i don't know how the hell my problem turned into this, but you are way off the mark. and way out of line with what u are saying about me. pondman, did u at all read my initial problem or did you just jump in half way through? above you are talking about me pushing the issue too much. did you somehow along the way miss the fact that i said i had not attempted to call him what so ever, that he came to me?!? so how was i pushing things? please tell me. and what is this about his lifestyle being too rough for me? because not that it's any of your business, but my mom is a cop too. oh wait.... and my uncle. i know all about what their job entails first hand. so don't try talking to me like i could never possibly understand. that was never an issue in our relationship. my question is do you even know the reason we broke up? it has nothing to do with all of that. all i know is now you are making all these assumptions about me which is not at all fair. Where do you get off painting the picture of me trying to move on into my bf's house. again not that it's any of your business but i don't believe in living with someone before i'm married. i'm also not looking to get married anytime soon. i need to finish school amongst other things before i can even consider that. i think i have a pretty good grasp on alot of the things i want in my life. and even if i don't know 100% i'm in no hurry to get there. it just pisses me off how much you think you know about me with how little i wrote. besides none of that matters because it has absolutely nothing to do with my situation. which is the funny thing. what you wrote is totally out of left field. i'd appreciate it in the future if you are going to comment on any of my posts to read the whole thing before you comment. cuz you've just pissed me off for the last time. i tried doing the graceful thing and not say anything to you. but i've had it. you took my small problem and turned it into something else. all my problem was is that my bf has a hard time getting close to people, he has a history of doing this (which i knew) and i wanted to know what i should do. point blank. but he came back to me without me doing anything. that's all i wanted help with. i regret letting you know he was a cop.

Oh and Zekk~Thanks for sticking up for me.

[C1d6OC]

i don't know how the hell my problem turned into this, but you are way off the mark. and way out of line with what u are saying about me. pondman, did u at all read my initial problem or did you just jump in half way through? above you are talking about me pushing the issue too much. did you somehow along the way miss the fact that i said i had not attempted to call him what so ever, that he came to me?!? so how was i pushing things? please tell me. and what is this about his lifestyle being too rough for me? because not that it's any of your business, but my mom is a cop too. oh wait.... and my uncle. i know all about what their job entails first hand. so don't try talking to me like i could never possibly understand. that was never an issue in our relationship. my question is do you even know the reason we broke up? it has nothing to do with all of that. all i know is now you are making all these assumptions about me which is not at all fair. Where do you get off painting the picture of me trying to move on into my bf's house. again not that it's any of your business but i don't believe in living with someone before i'm married. i'm also not looking to get married anytime soon. i need to finish school amongst other things before i can even consider that. i think i have a pretty good grasp on alot of the things i want in my life. and even if i don't know 100% i'm in no hurry to get there. it just pisses me off how much you think you know about me with how little i wrote. besides none of that matters because it has absolutely nothing to do with my situation. which is the funny thing. what you wrote is totally out of left field. i'd appreciate it in the future if you are going to comment on any of my posts to read the whole thing before you comment. cuz you've just pissed me off for the last time. i tried doing the gracefully thing and not say anything to you. but i've had it. you took my small problem and turned it into something else.

Oh and Zekk~Thanks for sticking up for me.

Bravo...I must say Bravo...Good luck aber

[C1d6OC]

just a quick comment. Aber, you have to ALWAYS remember despite what anyone in this world says about anything that you do what your heart tells you. Don't waste your energy with posts like the above. Do what's best for you. Again, I say good luck.

[abercromqt20]

i know and i tried not to say anything for a while but when he started going into me wanting to move in with him, that just crossed that line. something had to be said, i said it, and now i'm done. i'm not going to let it bother me. everything is good in my life so it's no sweat off of my back. thanks for being so supportive.

to everyone else..... i would like to appologize for my ranting above. i think you all know that it's not like me to do that. i also know everyone, myself included, is sick of all of the bickering around the forum lately. but i felt in this situation it was warranted.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Oh and Zekk~Thanks for sticking up for me.

{puffs out chest} No problem, milady.

[Jenrick285]

I'm glad things worked out...

As far as the ranting...
As "Loveforum" turns? o.O

[Pondman]

I actually would like your guy friend. He's got it together at 24-- bachelors degree, starting of a career, an investment in a house. I actually can understand him. If he put himself in the dating market he would probably have women in line around the block.

You are a very common clinger and a nester. He probably does need space from you. Probably stressed out after work and needs to relax. I think he isn't telling you the truth however, because he doesn't want to hurt you. And he probably will have a long term relationship with you, eventually. But I'm willing to bet you have had a short term relationship, less than a year with him and moved your bags in. And he said he wasn't ready to get married and have babies. I can almost bet that is the problem. He has intimacy problems alright, but it just he doesn't want to tell you he thinks you are not mature enough.

I'll tell you flat out, if you want to fix your relationship. Get an education. Plan a career. See friends. And grow up and the guy might get seriously interested in you.

As far as your knowledge of law enforcement-- you don't know shit.

[abercromqt20]

you are so ignorant it's not even funny. so i'm just going to let you sit in it because i'm better than that. i'd appreciate it if in the future you make no more comments to me. because obviously you can't read and are only good at giving advice to problems that don't exist.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Pondman, you seemed like you had some valid points until that last post. Now you just sound like an old and bitter man torn apart by inadequacy. Note I said "sound like", I'm not going to follow your example by making radical assumptions just because I've been around a while and try to pass it off as being the irrevocable truth. Fact is each individual situation is different. No pattern fits every mold every time to give you an exact answer or solution. Being able to judge those younger than you seems to be quite easy, however you have more growing up to do than anyone else in this forum.

As far as your knowledge of life's journey-- you don't know shit.

[abercromqt20]

i too agree he had alot of great points. the thing that i was mad at was they had nothing to do with my problem. he took the fact that i said he was a cop and snow balled it into this huge thing, that it was never about. and then he started making all of the generalizations about me based on that. telling me that i was trying to move in with him, when i had already said above that i don't believe in that b4 marriage. telling me i should get an education, when i again said above that hello i'm in school and wouldn't even consider anything until after that. but what hurt me most of all was he called me clingy and said i was talking about marrying this guy when the fact is me and him have never even said the L word to each other, let alone talked about getting married. and me having his babies? i mean that's some pretty harsh things to come up with don't you think. i don't want to have anyone babies for a long long time! he read truely read too far into a situation that wasn't there. i don't think that was fair to me. but i'm over it now. b/c the fact is at the end of the day he doesn't know me, and i take peace in that. the advice he gave has nothing to do with my problems. as the nature of my relationship progresses who know's it very well might. i know about the problems cops have in their relationships. trust me i'm a product of it. i'm just saying my relationship isn't serious enough to be at that point yet. my problem had nothing to do with him being a cop. and i truely mean that. it doesn't matter anyways b/c i don't have a problem anymore. he called me up and wanted me back. case closed. i didn't even have to do some much as call him.

anyways......Zekk you are truely awesome. thanks for sticking up for me again!!!
and other than that i'm done with this post b/c i don't even have this problem anymore.

[blue]

aber this person seems seriously insecure or it sounds like to me that all these issues he has pointed out you have in your relationship might be his own. Keep on trucking babe and you are doing all the best things for you i know that. u wrk hard study hard and can play hard to.