Threesomes prostitutes, cheating and mobile phone hacking

[lollipoppi]

I am in a new relationship, I thought I was falling in love, but things have been very sexual, so it's been a bit confusing. It's only been 2 months. I have very strong feelings for this man and have felt like we have a super strong connection.

The history thus far… We met on a dating website. Not something I’ve ever really done successfully. I’ve been in a number of long term relationships (the longest being 13 years) and had some wild years as well, I’ve chosen to not have children with any of these men, as I haven’t felt ready/mature enough and have been unsure about them as prospective parents (maturity levels, sense of responsibility etc). He on the other hand has only had one longish relationship (being 1.5 years) and a lot of short term liaisons with numerous women, so a history as a bit of player. He’s 41, I’m 39. He says he is ready to settle down and have children and has come to the conclusion that he ‘no longer’ in his exact words ‘wants to be a lone wolf’. He's implied he's falling in love with me. The sex is amazing. He has questioned me quite intensely about whether I want children. He has a very well paid job and owns his own apartment. As he has stated he would be a very good provider. This man supposedly really wants to settle down.

Okay this is were things go pear shaped… As I stated it has been highly sexual between us from the start, including the watching of porn, pretty wild dirty sex and lots of talk about threesomes (at his instigation). As I told him I have had bisexual/lesbian experiences in the past, but it’s not really something I’m interested in now (it was all a long time ago). But am happy to trash talk during sex about this stuff, if it stokes the fire. So I guess in a way I’ve probably encouraged him. Anyway I stayed at his place this past weekend and there was lots of talk about threesomes, he said we should either get a prostitute (he did this with his ex-girlfriend) or find someone on a swingers website. He was texting all night as well which got me suspicious. Anyway I know this is screwed up, but I checked his text messages to discover that he'd been texting a prostitute he knew, that in his words she would have to pretend she didn’t know him, and that he would pay her to have sex with us.

Needless to say I was f@#king horrified!

I also found a bunch of very flirty text messages from some recently separated woman he knew years ago. He did tell me that she contacted him on facebook and via text and they were catching up this coming weekend with his brother. I said it sounded like she was sniffing around, and he acted all perplexed. There was no mention in the text that he was seeing someone (so he was playing single) or whether I was invited to this little get together.

When I got home I called him and told him I didn’t think we should see each other anymore, as I didn’t think we were on the same page. I told him all this talk about threesomes etc I found offensive, that I wasn’t into prostitutes or swinging, and that I couldn’t see myself being involved in this lifestyle, let alone consider having a family with someone that was. I did not tell him about checking his phone, as this has not been my proudest moment. He has begged me to reconsider, he has said that he will never mention it again and that he was a moron and just getting carried away etc… I asked him about the prostitutes, and he said that he didn’t know any (yeah right!). Anyway for some reason I acted like everything is okay and we could work it out, he seemed greatly relieved. Me on the other hand... Well I feel like a cancer is growing inside me...

I feel like I’ve opened a can of worms with this man that I shouldn't have. Would appreciate any thoughts…

[Wakeup]

You're nuts (IMO) if you take him back. Not only because you've told him that you're done but because this man is NO WHERE near being finished his swinger, loveshack, polyamourous lifestyle. If you stay with this guy then expect to end up just like Sandra Bullock who married a known cheater who she knew frequented prostitutes and porn stars while she naively thought that she was soooo special that he'd give up all that he's addicted to just for her.

This guy won't be sexually faithful until he's too old to get it up.. Even then, there's Viagra.

That's the vibe I get from what you've shared.

BTW: Next time if you're against something don't pretend you're all in. That's being just a disingenuous as the player you're seeing only in a different way.

[MerryH]

Trusting him again would be foolish. Not only did he tell you a bold-faced lie, he tried to get someone else to deceive you in order to get you to sleep with her. Gross.

[Hth]

Oh this guy is Sick, a real Lier, he doesn't have respect toward you even. Why would you want to stay In this fishy relationship? It's just the start, find someone else. He still sounds like a player to me.

[bulrush]

This guy really wants a threesome, but you don't. There's your incompatibility. He isn't willing to compromise on this, neither are you. This is a problem that cannot be solved. Would you stay with a person where there was always this problem that cannot be solved? Not only that but it sounds like he did things that you said you weren't interested in. I'm not sure how clear your communication was regarding, you like to talk dirty, but not actually do a threesome. I wasn't there. But I do know you have to repeat this to a guy over and over before he "gets it". But he did some underhanded things also, behind your back.

Also, the chance of getting a disease from a prostitute is much, much higher than the general population. I hope you don't take that risk.

[Wakeup]

Also, the chance of getting a disease from a prostitute is much, much higher. I hope you don't take that risk.

Much, much higher that whom? A bar skank? Mother Teresa?

[devonbrown]

The sexual interests aside, this guy was dishonest and deceitful with you. His actions appear to be those of a narcissist with no regards to anyone else's thoughts or feelings. Do not be surprised if he lies to you and cheats on you and tries to manipulate you and possibly begins bullying you into doing things he wants.

The best thing to do with narcissists is to let them be narcissists. All by themselves. They are happier that way anyway.

Good luck.

[ames]

I met my ex on a dating site and he sounds exactly like this. He promised me no more talk of hookers/swingers clubs, but he kept at it. Then i found out that he had cheated on me. We were only together for 2 months. Get rid of him