Shy and geeky guys, please help

[lindalinda]

I met this very nice guy through online dating. We had two dates and it seems that he is very shy and geeky. He kept talking about work and his coworkers. Most topics I brought up he can eventually brought back to his work.

And after two dates, we still did not exchange phone numbers. But he gives me flowers each time he saw me. Immediately after each date, he sent me nice emails say how nice the date was and asked me out again.
It is a little weird that he did not exchange phone number with me.

Any shy guys have some tips how to talk to them and make them more open to me?

[Evo1114]

He obviously has NO confidence if he is talking ONLY about work. Usually talking only about work can be a red flag that he is a little too attached to work. I dunno...you just have to get him talking about something/ANYTHING else and you may have to act a little more interested...even if you don't give a damn about whatever he is talking about. That will at least get him talking about something other than work and might give him some confidence that maybe you are ok with him being a geekazoid.

[lindalinda]

thanks. Evo1114. It is also interesting that he is young and a genius at his work and a great leader, a ton of people under his guidance. But personal life, no confidence?
Can guys be conflicted like this?

[TheTooya]

thanks. Evo1114. It is also interesting that he is young and a genius at his work and a great leader, a ton of people under his guidance. But personal life, no confidence?
Can guys be conflicted like this?

Yep, makes sense to me. Hes reverting back to what he knows best, his work. Try and simply ask what he does on his free time, hobbies, etc... Also, feel free to ask to swap numbers, he might just be shy and not know what to do :/

[James Banes]

I agree with the other two. He only has confidence in his work and virtually nothing in his social life. That means you're going to have to be more forward in this relationship. You're going to have to swap numbers and always kindly remind him to stop talking about work whenever you have conversations. Heck, you might be the one who initiates sex.

[Atlas]

Sorry...but you gonna have to take some control there.....you're dealing with a very shy guy.....be more direct and give him more straight forward signals....

[lindalinda]

Thank you all for the advice. It is really weird.
He asked me to go lunch and zoo this coming Saturday last week.
I responded his email earlier this week and said I would love to go to lunch and zoo with him this coming Saturday morning (Sept, 24). I also give him my phone number and told him to feel free to give me a call.

But I have not get any confirmation or response from him yet.
I do not understand this, even a friend or coworker will confirm an appointment when the time gets closer.
If I do not get any response by Friday night,
What should I do?
I do not feel like going to the zoo with him any more. (In the past, I have been very nice to guys and was treated like a doormat)

[Yet another guy]

It is a little weird that he did not exchange phone number with me.

Did you suggest exchanging numbers and he declined?

Any shy guys have some tips how to talk to them and make them more open to me?

My advice as a very shy guy: Flirt with him. Be very obvious. Make your own interest clear to him.

[sadie_genie]

It just takes time for him to open up. He talks about work alot because that is probably an area he excel in so maybe he was just trying to impress you. It was weird that he didn't exchange numbers with you when he put some much effort in other areas. Maybe there is some other reason unrelated to his interest level for why he doesn't want to exchange numbers. And with the confirmation issue, you should treat him like you would do with any other guy. If he doesn't confirm by Friday night, you forget about him.

[lindalinda]

he emailed me his phone number last time he emailed for lunch and zoo. I emailed back telling him I would love for lunch and zoo and included my phone number.
Very strange. We both used Gmail account. It is not very possible that he did not get the email.

[TheAlliance]

Well if he happens to be a computer programmer, or in some sort of tech profession, maybe he prefers email?

[lindalinda]

You are completely right TheAlliance. It thursday night, still no confirmation yet. I think this guy only lives in his computer world and no wonder he complains to me he has no luck in relationships. Very frustrating.

[TheSingleGuy]

The guy is shy. Calling a girl to confirm a date for tomorrow or the next day is scary for a shy guy. The reason he's talking about his work is because he feels the need to say something, anything, to avoid just sitting there with a blank look on his face in silence. Silence on a first date is awkward. If you like him, let him know it by laughing at anything he says that's funny. Grab his arm. Put your hand on his leg. That will give him more confidence around you. Once you get the confident guy to finally come out, he might be way more attractive to you.

My question is, are you really attracted to this guy? If so, why???

[Mathias]

My question is, are you really attracted to this guy? If so, why???

Why are you questioning this? Just because the dude is shy?

[surfhb]

Why are you questioning this? Just because the dude is shy?

His actions are inappropriate. You dont ask a girl out LAST WEEK and not confirm by now. If the OP does hear from him, i hope you will decline at this point? Right? Not that you dont like him or want to go out again but this reenforces bad behavior and its your job to teach him this. Just say "im sorry but I made other plans....why did it take so long to confirm"? Hes lucky, most women I know would have flown already.

But if hes so shy he cant talk to you on the phone, hes has mental issues.