attraction, why is it not always there?

[robert_h]

Hello All,

I have a gf and we have been dating for over a year now. I sometimes feel that I am not attracted to her. She is a very good looking woman but I just can't find the attraction. Is this normal? It's times that I am very very attracted and I can't wait to get inside the door so I can start kissing her and so on. Most of the time though, I don't feel the attraction of the chemistry in the air. She is a wonderful person, really easy to cope with and she is very understanding and loving. She is everything a man would ever ask for and more. But still.. why do I feel this way? My attraction to her is not consistent, I might be attracted for a week or two and everything feels like heaven ... and then suddently one day I feel no attraction and I go into the "acting" mode. I tell her that she is beautiful and I kiss her even though I don't really feel like it. All I wonder is if anyone else ever had the same experience? Not consistenly being attracted to a person. Can it be that I have a personal problem?

please help, any advice is useful

[MynameisJesus]

post edited

[MynameisJesus]

They say women are attracted to what they can't have but I find that men ( I speak for myself ) are similar to a certain extent.
If a hot girl starts chasing me she's less attractive than a hot girl that plays hard to get.
Maybe your attraction fades because you see her so often and she is always there no matter what.
Taking a bit of distance might increase your attraction.
I've often smashed my head against the wall not being able to understand why I couldn't care less about the friendly girl and I was attracted to teen whores.
Being friendly is a good quality but it can also become predictable and boring, and therefore unattractive (again, I speak for myself)

Just my 2 cents. I wish attraction had an on/off button but unfortunately attraction is not a choice

[upandaway]

I think that its probably totally normal for that new, lustful, exciting feeling that happens in the beginnings of relationships, to fade to that sort of everyday, bland kind of feeling. You have lots of really wonderful things to say about this woman, so clearly you are still attracted to her. On the off days, are really truly not attracted to her, or is it just that the intense feelings arent there?

[smackie9]

There is this thing called "the honeymoon stage" . Its the stage of infatuation which is caused by a release of chemical in the brain called Dopamine. It lasts anywhere from 6 months to a year and a half. Once it slows down, you see what you really have once the dust settles. The only thing that keeps attraction is having a lot in common and the ability to introduce change into the relationship, like new interests, making pleasing changes to your appearance, and having a life outside the relationship. So once you reach this stage of the relationship its a make or break time.

[bulrush]

Yes, it's normal for attraction to wax and wane. It's called "life". Or when the "honeymoon stage" ends. (See above.) That's when you have to do work to make the relationship more fun. At this point, many people think they "fell out of love" and end a perfectly good relationship. People that do this do not understand how relationships work. Don't be another stupid statistic. Stick with it, make an effort.

[robert_h]

i never felt that crazy lust and love in the air in the beginning. We got to know each other over phone and when we met, we just jumped into a relationship. I never chased her or anything similar. Most of the times I just stare at her face and try to find a glimt of attraction. I would say only 1/5 times I see attraction or even less. It really affect everything and I dont enjoy the time I spend with her. My mind is running when we spend time together with me trying to figure out whats going on. I wish i could feel lust and attraction towards her.. because when I do everything is wonderful.

[robert_h]

I never had the honeymoon stage since we got to know each other over phone and then jumped into a relationship. I wish I was either always attracted or never attracted. Right now .. I am sometimes attracted but most of the time I am not.. which makes it hard to break up or continue.. please advice?

[bulrush]

If you think you can do better, then date someone else. That's my advice. You have to make your own decisions.

[smackie9]

Well if you had never had a honeymoon stage, then the relationship really has no grounds to be sustainable. That is why things have fallen flat....there was hardly anything there to begin with..