Sent my EX this EMAIL. I think I made a mistake? Please answer.

[charlie88]

I was dating this girl for a while. It was great except she was a recovering addict. She relapsed about a month and a half ago. Everone told me I should have left her but I stuck it out and tried to help her. Got her parents involved. Her therapist said I probably saved her life. Anyway, after all this she started acting really distant from me and we eventually broke up. Her with me.

About a week later I went out with this other girl as friends and she got jealous and started texting me. Few days later I asked that if she had feelings still why we couldn't just work it out. She said she'd think about it. Then, we were supposed to hang out but she said she couldn't because of time constraints. The next day I tried calling her and I got a "doing chorees" text. So I asked her if she could get back to me when she had a moment. That night, after no response, I sent her another text saying, are you ok? I'm worried. I'm going out tonight was wondering if you wanted to come.

The next day in the afternoon she calls and says she didn't answer because she went to stay at the beach. I asked her if everything was ok, her voice sounded shakey. I later found out from her neighbor who is her friend, completely by accident, that she had stayed home that night. Regardless I don't understand how thats an excuse not to send a "im ok" text.

The only other time when she wouldn't answer me was when she was using so I got emotional and I sent this:

Dear ---,

You sounded a little off on the phone today and I don't know what's going on with you right now, it's not really my business anymore, I just hope that you aren't doing anything to hurt yourself. I can deal with us not being together, with not seeing you. I am getting over it. What I can't deal with is something happening to you.

You told me you didn't know what love was. Truth is, I don't know either. What I do know is that past all your lies and egoism, your emotional swings and the anxiety I've gone through being your boyfriend, I still care about you. That being said, as much as I'd like to, I can't keep pretending like we are going to magically end up back together and everything is going to be all right.

I'm honestly not sure about what I did to push away in the first place: Maybe it was that I was too clingy and I didn't give you the space you wanted. Thing is, I was scared shitless about the drugs, I still am. Or Maybe you just resented me for trying to keep you away from them.

I just hope that one day you find someone that will care about you as much as I did and, when that day comes, you are able to care about that person too.

Love,

----

I feel like I made a mistake...

[Horseyguy]

yeah that email sucks. emotional blackmail at best, hoplessly sooky and wussy at worst.

Shouldn't have sent it

[Wakeup]

What does it matter now whether or not sending it was a mistake? You can't take it back so I suggest that you stop feeling regret, guilt, anxiety and accept that this girl has issues that she needs to work out and addictions to overcome. I think being in a relationship is not a priority for someone who has to get through that kind of thing.

My suggestion: You'd do well to quit trying to save her and let her do her own work in that department. (Only she can fix her)

If/when she's recovering/ed and she should contact you for a reconciliation then you can decide then if her (with her problems) is worth your time and emotions. Don't wait for her call though. Go on with you life as if she were an ex and wasn't coming back.

[MerryH]

Regardless I don't understand how thats an excuse not to send a "im ok" text.

She's not your girlfriend anymore, so she doesn't even need an excuse not to text you. It would have been courteous for her to let you know she was okay, but if she was using hard drugs at the time, then she really wasn't okay, and she probably couldn't be bothered to text you back, anyway. You cannot depend on an addict.

And yeah, that email should not have been sent. At least, not the way it was written. It was like, "Hey I just wanted to make sure that you're okay, but really I wanted to talk about our failed relationship some more and try to convince you to get back together with me, also WHY?! WHYYY?!" You know why. Stop pestering her about it. She's got problems that you can't fix. She doesn't even want your help. If she did, she wouldn't have broken up with you.

If you were back together with her, then maybe I would have some actual advice to give, but you're trying to help someone who doesn't want your help. That never works.