Difference in Desire???

[romantic_guy]

For most of our marriage (39 years last July) I could not understand why my wife did not seem to want sex as often as I did. She always got into it once we started and always has a great orgasm but I could never understand why she rarely initiated or even seemed to have a "take it or leave it" attitude at times.

Then I began to understand that the issue was not really a lack of desire but that sex was not at the forefront of her brain like it is mine.

I came across this quote in the book, "The Couple Checkup" (great book BTW)

"About 80 percent of married couples report that the husbands want sex more than the wives do, but some researchers believe this may have more to do with the fact that our culture tends to define desire by the initiation of sex. Debra Taylor and Michael Sytsma found that women experience a receptive type of sexual desire that is triggered once sexual activity begins. They claim that most women will respond positively to sexual advances; they are just biologically less likely to think about it in the first place."

(©2008 David Olson Ph.D.;Amy Olson-Sigg;Peter J. Larson Ph.D, Thomas Nelson Publishing)

Your thoughts everyone???

[bulrush]

Debra Taylor and Michael Sytsma found that women experience a receptive type of sexual desire that is triggered once sexual activity begins. They claim that most women will respond positively to sexual advances; they are just biologically less likely to think about it in the first place.

Well, that DOES make a lot of sense. Women just don't think about it. But when I start things, they almost never say "no". (I think the Batman costume helps.)

[romantic_guy]

Hummmm...have not tried that. (OMG that was hilarious!!!)

[tremolo]

Is that really true? Sex is the first thing on my mind when I'm with my boyfriend. I'm always anxious to get it going from the minute he walks through my door...

[romantic_guy]

Tremolo, there is a percentage of women that are like you and there is probably a higher percentage that visit this site. Your boyfriend is a lucky guy and I hope he knows it!! My wife was like you when we were dating...of course we were still in high school then, so we were both horny teenagers!! She can also be more like you when we are away on a romantic trip, like on our 39th anniversary trip to Cancun. At least she does not turn me down and she always really gets into it once we get started.

[chansonnoire]

I'm female and I think about sex constantly. And I mean like, all. the. time. A lot of my female friends are the same, so I wonder how accurate those statistics are. Besides, I think people tend to overestimate the power biology has over environment, esp. when it comes to gender differences.

[KatrinasFantasy]

I would say that i may have something to do with your wife's age. She is already past her prime and therefore she is settling down. Try doing things different. Have sex in a vehicle (try not to get caught). Doing things that seem "naughty" can help to spice things up in your marriage. Try to caress her in public when noone is looking, but everyone is standing around. Teasing also helps as well. If you tease, it will help to take away the pressure that she will feel of fulfilling your sexual desires.

Hope that helps.

[romantic_guy]

I would say that i may have something to do with your wife's age. She is already past her prime and therefore she is settling down. Try doing things different. Have sex in a vehicle (try not to get caught). Doing things that seem "naughty" can help to spice things up in your marriage. Try to caress her in public when noone is looking, but everyone is standing around. Teasing also helps as well. If you tease, it will help to take away the pressure that she will feel of fulfilling your sexual desires.

Hope that helps.

I really appreciate your post. But, actually, my wife is getting better with age. We have sex now more than ever. Much of that is due to the fact that our relationship has grown. As to the "naughty" things...let's see...we have had sex in the car, in our back yard, in a lake, in the ocean (with others not far away) on the beach at night, in the woods, on the top of a lookout at a national park...and those are just a few that I can think of!! Never made the "mile high club" and would like to do that. And...OMG...we went for a drive today and visited some antique shops. She had on the shortest shorts (she has the legs of a 20 year old) so I was touching her, kissing her, and teasing her all day. Needless to say, we had a great time once we got home!!!

[tremolo]

I really appreciate your post. But, actually, my wife is getting better with age. We have sex now more than ever. Much of that is due to the fact that our relationship has grown. As to the "naughty" things...let's see...we have had sex in the car, in our back yard, in a lake, in the ocean (with others not far away) on the beach at night, in the woods, on the top of a lookout at a national park...and those are just a few that I can think of!! Never made the "mile high club" and would like to do that. And...OMG...we went for a drive today and visited some antique shops. She had on the shortest shorts (she has the legs of a 20 year old) so I was touching her, kissing her, and teasing her all day. Needless to say, we had a great time once we got home!!!

I just think it's so sweet you've only ever been with your wife and are totally happy with that and still as into her as you were way back when. I love that.

[vashti]

Never made the "mile high club" and would like to do that.

You wouldn't if you knew what kind of nasty bacteria are in an airplane's bathroom. I believe I read they are the dirtiest of all public locations.

I disagree with your assertion that men think about sex more often than women, though, especially if you are talking about women over 35 or so...

[asdfg789]

You wouldn't if you knew what kind of nasty bacteria are in an airplane's bathroom. I believe I read they are the dirtiest of all public locations.

Who says it has to be in the bathroom ? They have nice bed-like seats on the Airbus A380 ...

[vashti]

Who says it has to be in the bathroom ? They have nice bed-like seats on the Airbus A380 ...

That definitely sounds more inviting.

[asdfg789]

That definitely sounds more inviting.

ok, now just gimme your passport details and i'll mail you a ticket