Old sweetheart--I'm not really interested

[Pondman]

I'm a lot older than most of you. So I hope you done think I'm strange.

I had an interesting Christmas. My high school sweetheart that I saw for the last time 15 years ago called my parents house and wanted to talk to me. Keep in mind that I haven't been romantically or sexually involved with her since 1982, but lived in the same area until 1985. I approached her on vacation in 1989, with the intentions of catching up on news. I asked her out, politely, for a cup of coffee. At that time I was told she would haven't anything to do with me because their were guys lined up to take her on cruises. For her to do anything with her, I'd have to take her on a cruise. There wasn't anyway I'd do that.

So 15 year later this woman wants to be friend. She is sorry. It was all a misunderstanding-- she says. She doesn't remember saying these thing. She was just a fun loving individual back then and probably was just joking. But she made it clear, 15 years ago, that I wasn't good enough- mentally, physically, sexually. I didn't have good dope. And I didn't have enough outdoor recreational vehicle to keep her fun loving nature excited.

She wrote me a letter this week saying she was sorry. That she was young and doing drugs. But she says she really has got it together and wants to be friends. She has taken all the initiative. I avoided her at Christmas.

I'm actually horrified. But at the same time I want to give her the benefit. I'm all wrong for her romantically plus I've live with the same woman for twelve year. Am I wrong for not hearing this woman out. I mean its hard for me to tell someone to go to hell if they genuinely need a friend. I live six hundred miles away so I would never need to physically see her.

I'm really I nice guy who believe the best possible mental health treatment is to sit around with people and talk over coffee. And I could handle her attempt to be friends with some parameters or I could just show no interest.

So do you all think she is nuts and should be avoided. I truthfull don't know. Or should I tell her we could be friends.

My feelings: I think everyone thinks about the first person they were crazy about sometime-- you know being horny and sixteen again. But in retrospect I wish my first love had been my second love- she was very sweet. We still send christmas cards. Instead I got something that should have been shown on Jerry Springer

[Junket]

I say screw her! (figuratively speaking)

[LaydeeSarah]

no dont go back to her. she chucks u away wen ever she feels like it and then thinks she can get u back wenever she feels like it? sounds like ur being played mister.
she may have had fun with all the bad boys and the guys who had dope and all but as always good guys finish last.

[Rach]

I wouldn't Give her the time of day. If she was able to just leave you hanging before (even though it was many years ago), why should you now go running to her rescue now? I think there's something else she wants from you. But why risk what you have now for someone who has hurt you before? If you're truly happy nith your life now, I wouldn't help her...

[abercromqt20]

you don't owe this woman anything. if i was in her shoes i would know that too. sure it would be nice of you to tell her no thanks, but i'd personally forget about it. no sense it bringing up old scars. especially when u have been living with someone for so long. i'm not saying yu are going to go back to this woman, but we are all human and if you make contact there is always that chance you could do something. i think that it's disrespectful to ever put ur gf/spouse in that situation. it's like if you really care, which i'm certain you do, just do nothing. this new girl eventually will get the hint. and she will have to live with her mistakes as we all do. people in recovery are supposed to understand that more than most anyways.

[cycletease]

You have no obligation to this woman and do have an obligation to the woman you are currently in a relationship with. While I believe it is possible that your old flame just needs a friend, it is much more likely that she is trying to rekindle a romance. I think that if you are after a friendship you would natually choose someone who was just a friend.

Whether she is a worthwhile person or whether you were doing it as an act of charity I think your overriding obligation to your current girlfriend would dictate that you shouldn't put yourself in a situation where your old girlfriend is going to hit on you.

You seem like a gentleman and I appreciate that you have so much concern for another. Put your mind at ease, you are not letting someone in need down. How, after 15 years, could she need you as a friend? She is wanting more from you and you are in no position to give it to her. So by contacting her again she will get the impression that you are interested and you will have to reject her. The most humane route is to let it go.

[Pondman]

I appreciate the responses; They all agreed with my own thoughts. I'm a liitle older than all of you, so you may not understand. I wasn't going to pursue her sexually. I was thinking more in line with a cup of coffee. She would know this ahead of time.