Could use some sex life advise... obviously xD

[Liebe89]

So let's see if I can keep it PG

I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 1/2 years now (my longest relationship by far). I think our relationship is great but I definitely need some advice on what to do about our sex life. When we first started dating obviously it was great because it was all new and exciting and even up until the first 2 or 2 1/2 years it was pretty good. However, in the last 6 months or so especially, it's gone down hill alot. Like sex once every 2 weeks if I'm lucky, alot.

It seems like it used to be alot easier for her. Alot of times she would be the one who initiated it and she could be spontaneous about it. Even when she wasn't the one to get in the mood first it was pretty easy to get her in the mood, I'd do things like set up a candle light massage or do what she calls "tickle scratch" (running my fingers very lightly all over her body) or take her on a romantic date and it would just go from there.

Now, though, it seems like no matter what I do, she is never in the mood. I tried talking to her about it. I asked her if I was doing anything wrong and what she needed me to do to help her get in the mood and she said she didn't know and that she just thought she didn't have much of a sex drive. And here's a great example of a girl sending mixed signals; she's told me before that if I'm in the mood to make sure she knows before she needs to go to bed. However saying something like "babe can we do it tonight" is obviously not a turn on and now she's saying that things like massaging her, etc. don't get her in the mood because she knows it means I want sex (which I should point out is only about 50% of the time, sometimes I do those things just to be nice). And if I do manage to get her in the mood, it's always in the bed, lights off, at night. There's no more spontaneity.

Soooooooo.... what the hell do I do??? Is she just bored of me? Do I need to try to find different ways of getting her in the mood? (I feel like I've tried about everything) What's the deal?

Any help or input would be a big help.
Thanks people!

[vashti]

is she taking birth control pills or antidepressants? do you still have fun together?

[Liebe89]

Yes to the birth control
No to antidepressants
Yes to having fun

[vashti]

Birth control pills are well-known to diminish libido, so it is possible they are playing a role. Also, it's possible she isn't having orgasms. No orgasm = diminished interest.

[Liebe89]

Hmmm well she's been on bc since we've been together, I don't think that would be it. As for orgasms, if she isn't she's a damn good faker. But I don't think that's the case either because there's lots of times when she has had me stop doing something that gets her close to orgasm because she wants to wait 'till I'm ready so we can "go" together. It seems like if she were faking it she'd just wait 'till I was ready and than act like she was going with me? I guess its possible but seems unlikely to me.

[Liebe89]

Anyone have any ideas?

[lizzy-bet]

I'm going to agree with the idea that she's not orgasming, the best way to tell is by her skin tone, women can wriggle and make lots of noise, but if her chest, face, and stomach are flushed you KNOW she is orgasming. Whatever it is, she's not telling you and for some reason doesn't want to tell you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Back off of her. Start going out with your friends more, and don't initiate contact with her as often. Let her be the one to initiate hanging out together. Sounds like she's getting tired of you, or feeling smothered. Either way, you should back off.

[Liebe89]

^Could be part of it I guess. Although we live together so not having much contact is hard. I haven't been seeing my friends as much lately so going out with them more often might help some.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just stay busy. Go out with your friends that you've been neglecting more, and don't spend as much time with her when you are home. Don't go to bed at the same time either. Go to sleep before her, or wait for a half hour or so after she goes to bed. Start talking to other girls, when you're out with your friends, and see how many phone numbers you can get. Don't save the numbers and don't call them, but just use it as a method to remind yourself that you are desirable. You'll be surprised what confidence will do for you. Who knows, you might even decide that you like another girl better. You have to assume she's keeping her options open, so you should probably do the same.

[bella-kate]

I'd suggest spending a bit of time apart. Maybe book a week away for yourself, absense makes the heart grow fonder and hopefully when you get back she pounce on you. But that's only really a short-term solution.

Have you tried texting her at work? Say something like "Morning beautiful" or "Just wanted you to know how much I love you" or "I want to cook for you tonight, because I love you and you're awesome". I know it sounds cheesy and little sickening but 3 years into a relationship you need to re-inject stuff like this. Try and be spontaneous with thing other than sex - with the hope that sex is where it leads.

Surprise her and take her out for lunch during her lunch break. Cook her an amazing meal so she's surprised when she gets home. Leave a note on your pillow in the morning after you've left telling her to check the fridge..... and then put a hershey kiss in there for her to find.

It sounds silly but women want sex to express their love, so the more in love with you she feels the more she'll want to express that. So I think you have to romance her, instead of just trying to get her into bed. Hope this helps xx

[Liebe89]

Ahhh but I'm captain cheesy. I've done all those or at least similar things. Yesterday was even our 3 1/2 anniversary and I took her out to eat, then we rented some movies, went home and watched them together and when we finished the movies BAM she gets on the computer 'till its time for bed. I never even got a "thank you for dinner"
I guess I could try to give it one last shot and be extra spontaneous, but I just feel like it doesn't help anymore and that its unappreciated.

[vashti]

you celebrate 3.5 year anniversaries?

You do realize, I'm sure, that anniversaries are - by definition - annual events, don't you? I think it sounds like you are trying too hard and she's bored with you. And I still don't think she is orgasming.

[tmc92ic]

Birth control pills are well-known to diminish libido, so it is possible they are playing a role. Also, it's possible she isn't having orgasms. No orgasm = diminished interest.

Woaw, woaw, wow... Are you saying taking birth control pills puts girls out of the mood or what? More information please! This is my first time hearing this and my girlfriend is on it.

[Liebe89]

you celebrate 3.5 year anniversaries?

You do realize, I'm sure, that anniversaries are - by definition - annual events, don't you? I think it sounds like you are trying too hard and she's bored with you. And I still don't think she is orgasming.

yeah but she likes it and its an excuse for us to go out and do something together.

Woaw, woaw, wow... Are you saying taking birth control pills puts girls out of the mood or what? More information please! This is my first time hearing this and my girlfriend is on it.

HAHAHAHA