Money hungry girlfriend – She says she wants me to pay her rent, or else NO SEX!

[scott green]

I’ve been going out with this girl for almost a year, and things were REALLY GREAT at the start. But over the past 4 months (ever since I moved in with her) we just keep falling out over money. My mom says she’s just after my huge wage packet (I get paid a real good salary), and that I should just dumb her, but I am really cut up over this. When I tried to talk to my girlfriend about it, she just flew off the handle, and is now saying our relationship is dead, and don’t even expect sex ever again unless I start paying her rent for her! I know some women can be like this, and blackmailing their partner by withholding sex until they get what they want, which btw I would NEVER do to her, so how can I make her see sense?

I have now moved back home to my mom’s house, but I’m on the phone to her every night trying to sort things out, as I really do love her. But she refuses to come over to my mom’s house to stay ever again (That’s ANOTHER one of her stupid ‘issues’), and says she won’t let me come to her flat anymore (even just for an overnight or a weekend) unless I move in and start paying her rent, and some of her bills too.

[tremolo]

Um, that is really not okay. She should NOT be expecting you to take care of her like this, nor should she be manipulating you because you won't.

This is only going to get worse over time if you stay with her. Find a new girlfriend who doesn't feel so entitled and doesn't treat you so poorly.

[oldskool83]

normaly if i moved in with someone id pay for somthing, last time i paid for food and that sorts. when i had a g/f live with me she use to give me 150 a week...i later just had her pay for all food and that kinda stuff...which later she wanted to pay for all house bills and i left her.

you should prob start out somthing small, give her $100 a week or somthing, work the rest out later, but sounds like she propositioning you which is not cool at all so i'd rethink you relationship as far as whats really going on.

[searock]

Wait. Did the two of you live together in her flat, before you moved back to your mother's house? If so, then of course you should have contributed to the rent, as well as bills and other home stuff. She is wrong in assuming that you have to pay ALL of it, but you should definitely pay your half.

[devonbrown]

If you don't live with her and she is demanding rent money before having sex with you, then she isn't a girlfriend, she is a prostitute.

[scott green]

Wait. Did the two of you live together in her flat, before you moved back to your mother's house? If so, then of course you should have contributed to the rent, as well as bills and other home stuff. She is wrong in assuming that you have to pay ALL of it, but you should definitely pay your half.

Ok, let me explain things a bit more. When we met I was still living at my moms, and everything was great. But after a few incidents that made her feel ‘uncomfortable’ staying over (my mom walked in a few times when we were having sex), she said she couldn’t stay there anymore. I mean, she was TOTALLY overreacting, and I tried to laugh it off, but she said there was NO WAY she would EVER sleep with me in that house anymore.

Anyways, THAT’S the MAIN reason why I started staying over at her flat more and more, but it’s also good from work reasons as it costs me much less in travel costs to get to work from her house, which is why she kept talking me into staying there more and more. What I’m trying to say is; we never actually sat down and decided to move in together. It just got that way with her saying “hey, just stay over at mine tonight, it’s easier to get to your work from here anyways” all the time, and so I ended up there more and more until one day it was like I had been staying there a month straight, and had barely even been home.

But that was still all good, until one day she just turned round to me and said I should start paying for half her rent, which I thought was TOTALLY unreasonable. It’s like, she was paying the rent herself before I started staying over, so it’s not like she can’t afford it, and it’s HER FLAT, so why should I pay HER RENT to stay in HER FLAT. When I tried to explain that to her it just led to a huge row over money, and then she started going on about me not paying for food either, which I don’t see why I would need to. There’s always food in her fridge, and anyways when I was living with my mom I didn’t need to give any money for rent or food or anything, so why should I start now? I explained to her that it was HER who wanted me there all the time, and by being there I was missing out of the hot dinners my mom used to make for me, so really she should feed me as it was me missing out on my mom’s dinners just to live with her. And as my mom never charged me for the meals she made for me, or even took money for rent off me, why should I be paying HER rent and buying food for HER house, when I didn’t need to do that at home?

[whenweawake]

Even from a girls point of veiw that's so messed up. She sounds like she wants a sugar daddy vs a bf.

[vashti]

I ended up there more and more until one day it was like I had been staying there a month straight, and had barely even been home.

But that was still all good, until one day she just turned round to me and said I should start paying for half her rent, which I thought was TOTALLY unreasonable.

What, are you 12? You lived in someone else's home for four months and didn't help pay for anything?

She was right to give you the boot. It sounds like YOU wanted the sugar-momma.

Have fun having your mommy walk in on you having sex.

[qwertz]

But that was still all good, until one day she just turned round to me and said I should start paying for half her rent, which I thought was TOTALLY unreasonable. It’s like, she was paying the rent herself before I started staying over, so it’s not like she can’t afford it, and it’s HER FLAT, so why should I pay HER RENT to stay in HER FLAT. When I tried to explain that to her it just led to a huge row over money, and then she started going on about me not paying for food either, which I don’t see why I would need to. There’s always food in her fridge, and anyways when I was living with my mom I didn’t need to give any money for rent or food or anything, so why should I start now? I explained to her that it was HER who wanted me there all the time, and by being there I was missing out of the hot dinners my mom used to make for me, so really she should feed me as it was me missing out on my mom’s dinners just to live with her. And as my mom never charged me for the meals she made for me, or even took money for rent off me, why should I be paying HER rent and buying food for HER house, when I didn’t need to do that at home?

Are you for real?!!

You live with her so you should pay half the rent, regardless of who lived there first you are both living there now so you split 50:50.

Why should you pay for food when there is always food in her fridge?? because SHE put it there, she paid for it and you are eating it so again, this should be split equally, you go shopping together and split the bill at the end.
You didnt pay your mum anything towards food...your gf is not your mum, you are not living at home with mummy now so you need to stand on your own two feet and grow up.

If what you say in your first post is true..her wanting you to pay all of the rent then that is totally unreasonable, but if she wants you to pay half then that is to be expected..she is going about it the wrong way though.

If you wont contribute to living costs living with her then you should move back with mummy.

[ChewyConor]

If you consider it from her point of view, she could easily see it as having to put you up, sometimes for up to a month, for free, when she knows you can easily afford to lessen the burden of having you around. If she's struggling to make ends meet then perhaps she needs the money.
I once thought it was totally unreasonable for my mum to charge me rent for staying in my own home for my first year at uni, because I was commuting. But in the end I saved so much money from not paying for full accommodation and so much less on food and everything, that I could easily afford it and it turned out my mum was in a desperate financial situation but didn't tell me because she didn't want to admit she wasn't making ends meet comfortably every month. She has savings, but was having to dig into them almost every month. I only found out after I'd moved out.
It's not the exact same situation obviously, but it's worth considering that the extra money would really help her out. If she's thought to herself that she simply can't afford to have you live there for free for extended periods of time, then she may have decided to make a stand and demand that you pay your share, no matter how small an amount of time you spend there.
That's what it sounds FAR more likely to be like than her just being a gold digger. She's not asking you to buy her more jewelery or no sex, she's deciding that if you're gonna live at her house, you contribute financially.

[scott green]

What, are you 12? You lived in someone else's home for four months and didn't help pay for anything?
.

I think you hit the nail on the head with that one - I lived in SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE. Why would I have to pay for rent and stuff there when I didn't have to in my own house? And no, I am not 12, I am 34 years old. I really don't know what age has to do with this, other than my girlfriend acting like a little kid just because my mom walked in on us instead of just laughing it off as I did.

[tremolo]

Ok, I take back everything I said. You don't seem to have a very adult take on this. Your girlfriend is not your mommy and she is not responsible for taking care of you - particularly when you bring home a fat paycheck. You should pay for half of the rent - not all of it - and you should DEFINITELY be paying for food. Food is actually really expensive, if you eat at all properly, and feeding two just doubles her bill. If you don't want to pay your share, then you really ought to go back home to mom.

[scott green]

If what you say in your first post is true..her wanting you to pay all of the rent then that is totally unreasonable, but if she wants you to pay half then that is to be expected..she is going about it the wrong way though.

So let me get this straight - I should pay for half of HER rent? Why should I? She was paying all it before I moved in, so she's not any worse off. Also, I HAVE given her money towards food every now and then, even though I don't think I should have to.

[vashti]

I think you hit the nail on the head with that one - I lived in SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE. Why would I have to pay for rent and stuff there when I didn't have to in my own house? And no, I am not 12, I am 34 years old. I really don't know what age has to do with this, other than my girlfriend acting like a little kid just because my mom walked in on us instead of just laughing it off as I did.

No one at 34 could possibly be so stupid. You must be trolling.

[tremolo]

You should pay because you are *there*, and it's a courteous thing to do when you're taking up space in someone else's home. While you might get away with living in mommy's house rent free, no one else would likely oblige you that way, so you should really look at this as paying for half of what you would pay if you were living on your own. And you should absolutely be buying food for her or picking up the grocery bill every now and then, and probably paying half the utilities as well. That's what people do, plain and simple. If you were the one who had the place and your girlfriend was crashing with you, you'd probably appreciate it if she did the same for you.

I hate to say it, but if I were your girlfriend, I'd have given you the boot for this attitude you have.