How can she do this to me TWICE???

**dfletcherhall** · 14-10-11, 11:48 AM

Thanks to kyeema and eagles81 for all the words of support - 'guy' friends don't do the support thing too well, if you know what I mean - it is some consolation to hear other people going through the same crap I'm dealing with - thanks to you all.

**Kyeema** · 14-10-11, 03:14 PM

How are you holding up? I sent you a pm...

Kyeema

**dfletcherhall** · 14-10-11, 09:28 PM

This is so tough; It's been a week now of no-contact, and every few minutes I've come close to grabbing the phone to text/call her. I'm posting nice upbeat stuff on my Facebook profile, trying to get out and socialize more, and gradually build a life back together. I miss her terribly. The heartache just seems never ending. Time, and pro-active use of that time, is what it's going to take. The thought of feeling like this for much longer though is pretty miserable!

**Kyeema** · 15-10-11, 03:15 AM

Yes, but it will get easier and easier... trust me... you won't feel miserable for the rest of your life!

And you're doing great by keeping yourself busy and concentrating on your own life, but still: healing and getting over somebody take time, so be patient and allow yourself to grieve when you need to... it's part of the process...

Love & light
Kyeema

**dfletcherhall** · 20-10-11, 08:47 PM

Well, it's been almost three weeks since the traumatic dumping I described. Am I stronger? Maybe a little. If I could turn off the constant mental chatter going on in my head, I'd be fine - I'm trying to focus on 'me', and not 'her', but everything seems to conspire to make me think of her. It really seems like there isn't a second goes by when she's not on my mind. I'm miserable, sad, lonely, and I miss her. I don't WANT to feel this way, I don't WANT to love her, and care about her - moving on, which I know is the sensible thing to do, seems impossible while I'm still trapped in the 'want her back so badly' category. This really sucks. I'm trying to build a vision of hope, of a future without her, but it seems so bleak. I need that 'reset' switch!

**Kyeema** · 21-10-11, 02:20 AM

If you find that reset-switch would you please post it here? *ggg*

You're doing all the right things by not wanting to feel this way, not wanting to love her and picturing your future without her... but what do you expect after not even 3 weeks? It takes more time to heal I fear but you will heal - just be patient and kind with yourself.

Unfortunately there is no easy and quick way out of a broken heart - at least I haven't found one... I think it took me about 2 months before I was able to stop thinking of him constantly and having him as the only topic in my conversations... now it's 5 months and there are still days when all my thoughts turn around him, but those days have become rare.... so hang in there and trust... it will get better... as you wrote, you feel a little stronger already... and you will see soon the chatter in your head will get less and you will stop constantly thinking of her... just give yourself a little more time!

Big hug
Kyeema

**dfletcherhall** · 23-10-11, 01:44 PM

Think I've turned a slight corner, in that there were periods of several minutes these last couple of days when I've not been thinking of 'her'.... yes, she still dominates most of my thought processes, and I still seek a magic wand that would bring her back and make everything the way it was. I auditioned for a role in a theatre production today, had a rehearsal with the band, and for a while, I wasn't miserable - I wasn't 'happy' per sé, but I wasn't racked with the tortorous images and tormenting mental chatter that has dominated the last few weeks. Part of me wants to appear in the local papers etc with the band and the theatre, just so 'she' can see what I'm doing - I'm now a black-belt in Facebook Ju-Jitsu (lots of happy positive posts, lots of new friends leaving comments etc) - found myself looking at houses today online also - I think moving to a new place free of all the ghostly memories would be a positive step too......

**Kyeema** · 23-10-11, 03:14 PM

Sounds like you're moving on... slowly but steadily... that's good! Moving out will be a good step too I think... I still live in the house where I was with my ex and it's haunting me... but at the moment I can't change it... but if I could I would be long gone... so why not find a new place and start from anew? I think it's a brilliant idea!

Did you get the theatre role? If yes, congrats!

Keep going - you're doing great!

Big hug,
Kyeema

**workingman78** · 23-10-11, 10:16 PM

You sound like a decent guy, well spoken and well thought out. Ask yourself, if she loved you, truely loved you, would she do this to you? Even the comment about the "I love you"? This girl is not worth your time. It is hard to let someone go, but you have to ask yourself, did this person really have the qualities that you are looking for in a woman? I suspect not.

**dfletcherhall** · 29-10-11, 07:45 AM

Yeah, definitely heading backwards - I'm back to the obsessively wanting her back stage. It's just ridiculous - how can I be so addicted to someone who obviously doesn't care about me? It's crazy!! I'm still doing all the right things, trying to move on, but I have huge barrier - 'her' - it really seems like I can never be happy unless she's back in my life. I'm obsessively thinking of how to get her back, what she's doing, who she's with, and everything - I seemed to be improving a week or so ago, but now, it's like I'm back at the beginning. I'm not sure how much more stress and anxiety I can handle.

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