Why can't he act more passionately?

[bella-kate]

I've been in my relationship for a year and my boyfriend and I do make a great couple. We see each other 2-3 times a week, sex life is good and we have lots in common - I just feel like it's always me that makes the effort though and it hurts a little.

It's always me who arranges to meet up, it's me who suggests days out, me who initiates sex, me who does romantic gestures and me who tries to keep the relationship lively and healthy. Sometimes it just feels like if I didn't put in the effort he'd just forget that I was even there.

It's always great when we are together but I just miss some passion. I want to feel wanted and desired and he really lacks the ability to make me feel like this. I compare him to other guys who go miles out of the way to impress their girlfriends and who do romantic things daily and it just makes me feel sad. I don't know whether it's his laid back personality and that it just doesn't cross his mind, or whether he acts like this because he genuinely lacks passion for me.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? I'm not high maintenence, I don't expect gifts or holidays or anything ridiculous - just maybe a spontaneous action every now and again or for him to suggest a date - instead of me having to plan it all. Everytime.

Part of me thinks maybe I should completely lay back and not try and then he'll realise he has to make an effort - but that feels like I'm playing games with him, and I don't want to do that. I have brought this issue up with him before but nothing changes. It improves for a couple of days and then goes back to normal.

[oldskool83]

sounds like hes settled, could be his style. hes prob more submissive then you are. not sure what advice to give other then dont play games, more so tell him hes responable for planing 1 thing a month with you. if you tell him what to do maybe it will set in after awhile.

[romantic_guy]

I don't find it difficult to be romantic (hence my screen name) but many guys do. I actually have some of the same issue with my wife. I have just come to realize that it is more my personality than hers. The difference is that, since she is female, she really enjoys romance and will make an effort. It just does not come as naturally to her. But what should you do? have you talked to him about it? You might suggest reading "1001 Ways to Be Romantic." When we did that, we each had a symbol that we used beside the idea we liked. Then the other person could just take a look for an idea.

My guess is that he does not think about it. We do many things in relationships that we don't feel like doing. But I have heard it said that we do our way into feeling rather than feel our way into doing. Unfortunately you may need to come to the point that you decide if you really want to stay in this type of relationship.

[Horseyguy]

I think if a guy lacks passion towards a girl or is unromantic towards her then he's just not that in to her or the chemistry isn't there.

[sadie_genie]

You tell him to do more romantic things for you. If he doesn't make an effort, he doesn't care for you.

[ElectricRed]

some people expect different things out of relationships. he probably doesn't expect romance the way you do, so he doesn't think to supply it. meanwhile, you expect romance and are supplying it in spades (and he probably doesn't notice it) so you feel slighted.

make it clear again that you'd like him to take some initiative. ask him what he wants and if anything is missing and maybe you can reciprocate...