Please help..... *Should my long term boyfriend of 2 years pay for me?*

[GirlOne]

Oh Vashti, you made me laugh. I'm thinking of some trucker scenario where he pays $5 for a jack-in-the-box expecting some BJ 'cos he paid lol.

I agree with you actually ... if a guy asks you out on a 'date' (or whatever the gender of the asker) I thought the rule was they were expected to pay, as they asked you, but you were honor-bound not to get the most expensive dish on the menu.

I guess the lines gets blurred when it's a friend you already know, and it's not clear if the evening out between you and him is a 'date' or not. Now that scenario, is very common for me, ie I'm already friends with the guy and it's unclear whether it's a date. I always pay my own share. Then in the course of the evening I realise he saw it as a 'date' whereas I just think it's meeting up with a friend.

But even if it was a 'date' with an unknown guy. I think I would pay my own way, but that is because I know I wouldn't be putting out on the first date.

Hmmm I wonder if there could be some guy's input here ... I always thought that if a guy pays for meals etc, he kind of expects or rather hopes for something in return. That's what my parents taught me ...

[Okay]

Not everyone is so selfish as to 'expect something in return'
Think of a family dinner outing scenerio, where at the end different family members (e.g. the father, or an uncle) may 'fight' over wanting to pay the bill
"I'll get it this time" "No, it's ok, I'll get it"
Sometimes, people enjoy paying because it looks good to others, it shows they respect the other person/people and want to impress.
This can also be applied to couples. What guy doesn't like impressing a girl he likes?
I guess this changes later in the relationship, but then again instead of needing to impress, the person would still like to make the other person happy.

Happy happy~ joy joy~ money is a double ended blade.
Once its thought too deep into it can really mess things up!
Some things shouldn't be taken to heart.

[surfhb]

Im old enough to know Im probably not going to get laid on the first couple of dates with a girl. I dont expect anything for paying. I pay because thats what men do....thats the way its been for millions of years.

Just because a couple of ugly, sexless females got a hair up their butts to to start burning their bras in the 60s doesnt mean the mating rituals between men and women changed...it hasn't and never will.

Also, i still think most women would love to have a choice to work or not in a marriage. Men dont have that option. Not sure when it happened but its almost impossible to live these days with out 2 incomes. So much for the American Dream.

Actually, I was Mr Mom for about 2 years after my daughter was born. My wife made more than me so we decided i would be the one to stay home. Its was honestly, the greatest 2 years of my life. Raising a child FT was so rewarding....and much easier and less stressful than going to a a job everyday.

[vashti]

I agree with you actually ... if a guy asks you out on a 'date' (or whatever the gender of the asker) I thought the rule was they were expected to pay, as they asked you, but you were honor-bound not to get the most expensive dish on the menu.

Yep, that's how I roll, and if a guy wanted to hang out with me as a friend, I would definitely pay my own way.

I don't know about the friend-turn-date thing, though. I don't really consider many males to be my "friend", unless they are already involved with someone romantically.

[scott green]

Hmmm I wonder if there could be some guy's input here ... I always thought that if a guy pays for meals etc, he kind of expects or rather hopes for something in return. That's what my parents taught me ...

Yep, if I paid for a date, like the meal and gas and everything, I'd TOTALLY expect something in return. Maybe Not the actual sex, I know I don't get that till third date at the latest, sometimes second. But if I paid for the first date, I'd at least expect a handjob, maybe stick a few fingers in her twat, and to suck some titty. Maybe a BJ if I'm lucky.

[vashti]

Yep, if I paid for a date, like the meal and gas and everything, I'd TOTALLY expect something in return. Maybe Not the actual sex, I know I don't get that till third date at the latest, sometimes second. But if I paid for the first date, I'd at least expect a handjob, maybe stick a few fingers in her twat, and to suck some titty. Maybe a BJ if I'm lucky.

Haha! You have a lot to learn before you grow up!

[Lipp]

If he grows up.

[scott green]

Haha! You have a lot to learn before you grow up!

You say that, but seriously, how many guys do you know who don't expect to get their dicks wet by at LEAST the third date??

I think it's an unwritten rule that the third date ALWAYS = sex. That's just expected.

[Boisdevie]

First date with my GF we shared the bill. We have shared all the bills ever since. I think you could call it 'equality'. My previous GF thought it was my 'job' to pay for everything. That's one of the reasons why she's my ex GF. Greedy women who expect men to pay for everything should be dumped asap.

[Jazzersize]

maybe stick a few fingers in her twat, and to suck some titty. Maybe a BJ if I'm lucky.

You make sex sound so unappealing.

[scott green]

IMPORTANT!

Okays, wanted to go back to the original post and explain something here, as there was a big deal made about the OPs boyfriend earning a good wage -

Now, say the guy has job that pays a salary of, say £35,000 a year (that's prob $60,000 in American money) He has his own flat, so he pays rent, council tax, gas and elect bills, pays for his food to keep his fridge stocked, pays for his car, road insurance, petrol etc.

Now say his girlfriend is working in a shop, getting, say, £16k a year, and still lives with her parents.

The guy clears around £ 2100 a month after tax and national insurance. Off that he pays 500 rent, 150 council tax, 150 for combined gas and electric bills, 200 for his car a month (insurance, gas, paying off car), and say 200 a month in food. After all that comes off he's left with around 900 to spend.

The girl clears around 1100 after tax, and pays her folks 200 keep money a month for food and to keep her. She ends up with around 900 to spend.

My point is NEVER assume just because your bf has a good job and his own flat, that he has a lot more money than you to spent, especially if you still live with your parents. Until you have had a place of your own, where you have had to pay all your own bills and rent and keep a car running, you will never understand how hard it is, without having a gf who expects a guy to pay for everything because you get a big wage.

Just because a guy gets a good wage, dont mean he's a lot better off than you if he has a flat to keep, and you live with your parents.

So why should he pay for everything, *and be left skint every month, while your spend your own money on yourself? Pretty selfish attitude if you ask me. Put yourself in the guys place. Would you be happy to put up with that ??

[smackie9]

Im old enough to know Im probably not going to get laid on the first couple of dates with a girl. I dont expect anything for paying. I pay because thats what men do....thats the way its been for millions of years.

Just because a couple of ugly, sexless females got a hair up their butts to to start burning their bras in the 60s doesnt mean the mating rituals between men and women changed...it hasn't and never will.

Also, i still think most women would love to have a choice to work or not in a marriage. Men dont have that option. Not sure when it happened but its almost impossible to live these days with out 2 incomes. So much for the American Dream.

Actually, I was Mr Mom for about 2 years after my daughter was born. My wife made more than me so we decided i would be the one to stay home. Its was honestly, the greatest 2 years of my life. Raising a child FT was so rewarding....and much easier and less stressful than going to a a job everyday.

If I had a good paying job, I would love my husband to stay home....wow to have dinner on the table, my lunches made, the house clean....I would be in absolute heaven! BTW no I don't have that option to not work and never will, unless I came into some money like winning the lottery or inheritance.

[GirlOne]

Yep, that was my point. The OP had loads of spare cash each month and the boyfriend had repeated complained why he was paying for her all the time. The OP clearly had a gold-digging agenda and was using her parents (from a generation when the women stayed at home) views to back-up her own complaints.

I give that relationship 6 months tops.

My little wry smile is because accusing someone of something in their arguments often betrays someone's own values - For instance, the OP accuses her boyfriend of being stingy ... when in fact if you listen to her own argument it is in fact, she who is the stingy one ...

[smackie9]

IMPORTANT!

Okays, wanted to go back to the original post and explain something here, as there was a big deal made about the OPs boyfriend earning a good wage -

Now, say the guy has job that pays a salary of, say £35,000 a year (that's prob $60,000 in American money) He has his own flat, so he pays rent, council tax, gas and elect bills, pays for his food to keep his fridge stocked, pays for his car, road insurance, petrol etc.

Now say his girlfriend is working in a shop, getting, say, £16k a year, and still lives with her parents.

The guy clears around £ 2100 a month after tax and national insurance. Off that he pays 500 rent, 150 council tax, 150 for combined gas and electric bills, 200 for his car a month (insurance, gas, paying off car), and say 200 a month in food. After all that comes off he's left with around 900 to spend.

The girl clears around 1100 after tax, and pays her folks 200 keep money a month for food and to keep her. She ends up with around 900 to spend.

My point is NEVER assume just because your bf has a good job and his own flat, that he has a lot more money than you to spent, especially if you still live with your parents. Until you have had a place of your own, where you have had to pay all your own bills and rent and keep a car running, you will never understand how hard it is, without having a gf who expects a guy to pay for everything because you get a big wage.

Just because a guy gets a good wage, dont mean he's a lot better off than you if he has a flat to keep, and you live with your parents.

So why should he pay for everything, *and be left skint every month, while your spend your own money on yourself? Pretty selfish attitude if you ask me. Put yourself in the guys place. Would you be happy to put up with that ??

I recall when living with my dad while going to school, my BF made good money. Yes he paid for most things, but I didn't expect it and I did my best to pay for whatever. There were times I couldn't afford things say like go on a camping trip, I just didn't go....I had no problem with that.

[IndiReloaded]

First date with my GF we shared the bill. We have shared all the bills ever since. I think you could call it 'equality'. My previous GF thought it was my 'job' to pay for everything. That's one of the reasons why she's my ex GF. Greedy women who expect men to pay for everything should be dumped asap.

Men shouldn't pay for everything. But, let's get real here. Men want an attractive, intelligent, fun, sexy woman for love and companionship.

I'm going to sound arrogant, but what the hell, my case isn't unique. I'm an attractive, fit, intelligent 40-something with a very good job. I don't need a man to take care of me (I happen to be married, but I'm explaining my position if I were ever single again). But I do love men. I enjoy sex and good companionship. I'm not interested in dating around, I tend to find someone I admire and then stay very loyal to them.

So, how many men out there find that attractive? Quite a lot, based on my experience. Despite my age (I'm not going to be popping many more babies soon), I seem to be rather interesting to a subset of men.

Buyers market, yes? Simple supply and demand. If a man won't hustle for me then I'm going to assume he's just not that into me and I'm going to move on to someone who is more likely to give me that mutual appreciation I value.

So, if you are a man who can't even be bothered to pay for my dinner (presumably after we've had lunch, coffee, an outing someplace interesting--hardly a huge financial investment) without expecting more than my delightful conversation: I'm moving on b/c its clear we aren't compatible.

Feel free to tell me where my attitude is wrong.