We're trying again after a breakup but "taking it slow". Advice please?

[leilee]

Removed. no need for advice anymore. Ladies and gentleman, do not sacrifice yourself and what you need in a romantic relationship for anyone.

[teacher37]

im separated to stay on insurance..for 3 yrs,now. some people look at it as a horrible thing..believe it or not. although I have NO attatchment to my ex..at all!!! im surprised it never came up in six months?? but if he feels youre nottrustworthy now...give him space. dont text or call. ler him realize how,much he misses your wkds and come to you...its a reverse psychology thing...its hard..but try it!

[leilee]

I have a co-parenting attachment with my ex, that is all. I know he cannot trust me right now. What I don't want to do is fall into a trap of playing games. I feel he is sincere and wouldn't do that. I'm just not sure what to expect. I also don't know how to regain his trust (which he is clearly stating is possible for him) without being with him and talking with him frequently. I'm having a hard time gauging what it is that is happening right now.

[Wakeup]

Congratulations! You've just set yourself up to be his booty call. I can't even say Friends with benefits because you were'nt friends before you became lovers. Agreeing to be his uncommitted lover is going to steal your joy.

My suggestion (which I know you won't take because you're already in love with this man who couldn't tell you he loved you back) is to tell him that you're not able to be in an uncommitted relationship with him and go to bed with him knowing that he's still searching on the dating site for someone else and then change your own profile to be truthful and start fishing for someoen who isn't concerned that you're only Separate. Actually, you should learn to be alone and independent until you're actually divorced because it's a well know fact that men on dating sites will take advantage (like this guy is) of women who are lonely and vulnerable, looking for the ego boost after separating. They often won't commit to exclusivity.

Be careful with your own heart.

[surfhb]

Personally I think the guy is an asshole or has a screw loose for giving you up for such a stupid reason. I guess he wasn't paying attention the last 6 months? Red flag city it you ask me. Next time be up front

[leilee]

I appreciate everyones opinions. Thanks for taking the time to reply I have made a decision to wait untill Saturday and if I don't hear from him, I'll move on as hard as that may be. If I do hear from him I'm going to let him know that I'm willing to do just about anything in my power to help repair what we have but, I'm not willing to be uncommited. As much as I have messed things up, I'm not willing to sacrifice what's important to me, either. If we can't agree on that, then I will have to let go. I just have high hopes that he is as willing to do as much as I am to move forward, together. The worst part about all of this is that I have brought it upon myself and hurt someone that I care about. I sort of wish more people would have responded as I could have formed a larger more objective outlook. *sigh* this is tough.

[GaryUranga]

I'd say your best shot at it is to not get needy and play it cool. That usually gets the other person more invested in the situation.

Of course if you're highly emotional about this particular situation its not goign to work out that way.

[leilee]

Well, Saturday has come and gone. I still have not heard from him. I've gotten the message. Its breaking my heart and I don't know why I expected anything more than what I've gotten. This hurts.