A really difficult situation...

[rfmk]

My brother is seeing three women at once. It’s none of my business and I’m not going to get involved even if I highly disagree with it. But one of these women I’ve gotten really close to. We connect on an amazing level and I’ve resigned myself to say that after knowing her for 6 months, I am in love with her. I kept these feelings to myself until recently when things got a bit strange.

One day she would always cuddle me and say how much she loves me and how much she appreciates me, then the next day she’d be completely cold with me for a week. Then she’d be all lovey again and then cold. I thought this just wasn’t right that I was in love with my brother’s girlfriend, so I just ignored her texts and calls and kept myself to myself. During this week she was so depressed and drinking heavily, crying a lot and taking time off work sick. One day she called me crying and said she didn’t realise how much she really loves me and wants me in her life so much until I went away. I went to her place and she kept holding me and wouldn’t let me go. At that point I said sorry but I’m in love with you and I need to figure out how to fall out of love with you. Then she’d go cold again that week after. Then the following weekend she told me “I love you as a brother.. well that’s what I have to keep telling myself anyway. You know nothing will ever happen between us but our love keeps me going”. Then the following week she was cold again!

By cold I mean generally abrupt, resistant hugs, ignoring texts..

Now I’m thinking I just want to put her aside and try to fall out of love with her, but I’m worried she’ll go into a depression again.

What does this hot/ cold attitude mean? My brother says it’s because she is in love with me (as she has told him) but she thinks my brother will be hurt and so she feels uncomfortable when she gets too close to me…

I just don’t know what sort of game she’s playing and what I should do? Please help me?

[oneandonly]

I don't know what 'game' she's playing but what 'game' you and your brother are playing with her? lol

Is your brother still seeing her? 'Seeing' means he's sleeping with three women at once? Somehow, you managed to fall in love with her while she's sleeping with your brother?

Lots of people say 'you can't help who you are falling in love' but I never understand this notion of 'you can't help' so my understanding on your situation is not that great to offer any avice.

[rfmk]

He is sleeping with three women including her..

I understand what you mean but this is whats so strange. Ive never felt like this about anyone. I dont care if she sleeps with other men including my brother. I just feel like i can love her unconditionally. But i dont want to be part of some game.

[KatrinasFantasy]

It seems that she is completely torn. As a woman, it is incredibly hard for us to decide our feelings when it comes to men. She seems to be like me, unable to decide what man she wants because some days she feels more attracted to one man than the other. I honestly don't have an answer for you, seeing as how I am in the same type of situation (sort of).

All I know is that patience is helful.

You may try giving her an ultimatum. I am NOT a fan of those, but they will definitely help her to decide who she wants to be with. To me, it sounds like she loves both of you. I can understand why she is getting depressed and calling in sick to work. In her mind, no matter which one of you she chooses, she will lose. She can NEVER be happy in this senario. And...of course...life is all about trying to be happy.

Give her time. Consider her feelings. Remain her friend, but don't wait for her forever.

[rfmk]

Thank you for your advice. You are right she does seem torn. But I'd never offer her an ultimatum. It's not my place to sway her emotions for my own benefit. It's up to her to decide who she loves but the more I understand the better I can handle the situation. Thank you so much!