Hey I'm Sean and I'm 17 years old.
Me and my ex-girlfriend were dating for about 5 months. The first couple months went by amazingly. We had so much in common, same exact sense of humor, we got along so well, communicated so well, and even had the whole best friend/lovers thing going on. We seemed to have so many key points about our personality that were the same. First i would like to say that i am the jealous type. And when she would talk to other guys i would generally get jealous. even though before we got together i was warned by her that she has a lot of male friends i said i was okay with that, not expecting it to be a bigger setback than it turned out to be.
over the few months we started arguing more and more. and when i think about it, most of the arguments were started because i was jealous about something, which exhibits signs of distrust. And we both acknowledged that i have trust issues because of disastrous previous experiences with girls. I've made it clear that, even though I subconsciously worry about her associating with other guys, I really know that she wouldn't cheat on me.
Anyways I could write a book giving all the details.
But I need to sum things up.
Basically the cycle took place where we would get into an argument about something I started because of my over-active jealousy and always worrying she was with another guy, then after the fight reaches its peak I would get very apologetic and sincere asking for another chance saying I can do better. And we even broke up a couple times, but followed by a discussion that brought us back together each time. And that same process continued a few times except for the last time where I lost control and said "We're ing over". And I later that day came back wanting her back because after thinking rationally i realized it was a huge mistake.
She would not take me back after already giving me so many chances to fix myself. But every time I didn't use my full potential to do better until this last time when I lost her and i couldn't bear the thought of being without her. So I devoted myself and truly determined myself to actually fix my trust and jealousy issues because she matters to me so much. But she still refused to take me back after I let that be known. She said she's scared to take me back after all those chances because she's afraid of getting hurt again. And then she started saying stuff how she just doesn't feel like her hearts in this relationship anymore, and that things just don't feel the same. But this was still during a neutral time where she was contemplating whether to be with me or not. After attempting at persuading her back with logic I was out of options so I just begged her for us to hang out one day so we can see if the love we once shared is still there, and that if it just wasn't the same i'd move on. And after lots of persuading she agreed to do it. Stating "I'll do it but i really don't want to."
So the day we hang out i pick her up from school and we grab a pizza and go to her house. We hang out in her living room for a little while sitting on the couch, and over time I slowly somehow got situated into a position with her where we were practically cuddling. Except she wasn't responsive to my "flirtatious" actions at all, though she still wasn't avoiding it. It was the concept how the girl is usually the one who curls up close to guy guy as the guy lays there except it was reversed.
Everything seemed just like it usually was, we got into our random tickle fights, bit each other for fun but if we hurt each other we would kiss it better, just those little things that we would do as a couple. And that set my expectations high. After she kissed my arm better after biting it i said "you know what else hurts? my lips."
and she said "i can't kiss you. Because i'm still trying to decide."
and after a few traded thoughts it came down to her letting me know that chances were very unlikely she would take me back after today and that she's made her final decision.
After this acknowledgement I became desperate crying my eyes out, on my knees begging for her to give me another chance. Once again I was trying to use logic saying how much i've been working on myself and how much better things can be if she gave me another chance. And she was saying that on top of everything else, she needs time to concentrate on herself and school right now. And that she has too much on her table to handle a relationship right now. And she was saying the reason why she's afraid of giving me another chance is becasue of these things i was showing that exact moment: I told her that if she decided not to take me back after that day that i would let i go, but instead i cried and begged her to stay.
Left speechless, I ask her if I could just have 5 minutes with her to act how we used to be, like a couple, just a few minutes to feel your lips one more time. And as soon as i finished explaining that she said okay and scooted right up to me. I held her and kissed her, and even madeout for a few seconds. Just the feeling of her lips once more lifted such a huge wight off my shoulders. it was so comforting. but during those last minutes i had with her as a couple i was desperately trying to think of some kind of way I could still have her in my arms but to where she can also have her space and work on herself.
I proposed the idea to her that we could still hang out and act like a couple like we do, but not exactly be boyfriend and girlfriend. Because I know it makes both of us happy to be able to express our love to each other outwardly, and that if we were to just be friends for a while things don't seem that they would work very well because there never was a point of just friendship in our relationship. We fell for each other the night we met. So we would have to be creating something in our relationship that didn't ever exist, and it would be going against what we're both used to. (keep in mind she said she still loved me, too) So we would still be acting like a couple except the normal relationship ethics don't apply. So she's getting her space, and we're both happy and not suffering from after-breakup shock.
She agreed with every part of that proposition and she took a few minutes to think about it. She eventually replied with a Yes. That made me feel so happy, and on top of that she told me that she really has noticed progress in me working on myself.
I went home that night with a smile on my face.
That was four days ago. Since then I have not yet seen her, but whenever we talk she talks to me in such a way that she would just talk to a friend. Except for two random occasions when she would send me a /half picture. There seems to be random times where she talks to me intimately, but it's always short lasted and she mostly just talks like a friend to me. And only says i love you if she's going to bed or if i say it first.
Over the course of the past week she's been spending a lot more time with her male friends. She specifically told me that she does not want to flirt with or do anything with any other guys. And that all they are are friends. And i trust her on that. I really am making progress.
In two days we will be hanging out to celebrate her birthday and i've just got some conflicting thoughts: I was reading online articles about getting your ex girlfriend back and most of them said that you should become scarce to her, you don't want to always be texting and calling her and you don't want to always be available for her. You want to make her miss you. And i've been sort of following that, like there will be times where she'll stop texting me back and the old me would usually text a couple more times and maybe call. But instead i've been not resending texts as much and when she stops texting me I just stop texting her. Now, i've been trying to "make her miss me" and "give her distance from me" so she'll start to want me back, but the agreement me and her made conflicts it, how when we see each other we will still act like a couple. And even though she doesn't act like a couple to me when we're just talking and not together , I still kind of need to keep contact with her if we're going to be seeing each other. (keep in mind i haven't seen her since we made that agreement)

I thank you tremendously if you read this whole thing.

Please, I'm in desperate need of Help. Advice. Methods. Anything.
This girl means so much to me.
Your words are greatly appreciated.