Girlfriend Trouble

[drainingoxygen]

Hello everyone. I am in my first relationship with a great girl. We have been dating for just over 6 months. She is very kind, and generous, and up until about 2 months ago there were no issues. The biggest problem to arise, is one of the sexual nature. Recently I have been less and less attracted to her, both physically and intellectually. I feel as though I don't get as turned on as I used to with her. And I think this boils down to just a few reasons. First of all is her appearance. I have never been too bothered by my girlfriend's looks. She is a quite attractive girl with a striking appearance. Unfortunately she is, and always has been very self-conscious about her looks. I have always tried comforting her, but it really gets her down, and it has gotten so bad that I have begun believing everything she says about herself. The main thing being her weight. She is slightly overweight, and it really bothers her, but she never really takes any initiative to lose weight. The next reason that I am feeling less attracted to her is one of emotion. Recently she has been having family issues, and she has been really down on herself about them. I want to be there for her, and show her that I care, but it can be difficult when she is in such a fragile state. She gets really offended by the smallest of things, and our relationship has become much more stressful than fun. She worries that we are growing apart, and I try to tell her that it won't happen, but she begins to cling on to me a lot. It's ironic because the more she worries about not breaking up, the more likely it becomes, because she starts to suffocate me, and I try pulling back, but it's a vicious cycle. And the last reason. I don't know if she is completely there for me. I feel like she wants me to comfort her all the time, and yes, I understand that I am the guy in the relationship, but I don't think that that means that I shouldn't be comforted too. I guess I just feel like lots of the time she's so worried about herself and her troubles, that she doesn't see that I'm hurting too. What should I do? I want to be there for her, but ultimately, I feel like it might not be the best thing to do, if I can't support her 100%, and if I can't be attracted to her as much as she would like me to. Should I push through it, and continue to feed her lies, and false hope, or should I move on?

[mwahahaha]

Stopped reading when you said "overweight". Ditch her. it will be better for you both in the long run. trust me, they never stfu about it. It will drive u crazy dude. Next time she says shes overwieght, tell her you agree and that you are leaving her until she is back to an acceptable weight. This will give her the incentive to get off her fat ass and do something about it and maybe she ll come back to you all skinny and nice. My advice may sound cruel, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind otherwise your life from now onwards will just be a ballache.

[tremolo]

What you're describing sounds a bit like what I went through with one of my exes who dumped me. We were together at a time when I was going through a terrible depression, and I wasn't an easy person to be with. He told me that my self-critical attitude about my appearance had rubbed off on him, and he had begun to think of me as unattractive and only slept with me out of necessity rather than desire. He also told me I wasn't 'fun' anymore since I was so stressed about my life.

I'm not sure really sure what to tell you because, in a way, I don't blame him for dumping me and moving on. I had things to sort through, and there's no reason he should have been with me when he no longer wanted to. However, he had unofficially promised to marry me, and was planning an immanent proposal when he dumped me, so I felt like it was a bit douchey for him to break all the promises he made to me when I was going through a rough spot. All that aside however - shortly after he dumped me for all these reasons, he regretted it in a major way. HE became depressed when I left the country where we met and would no longer speak to him or see him anymore. I had told him all along that my depression was circumstantial and once we got out of our environment, I'd go back to my happy, normal self. He didn't believe me, and it was extremely hard for him when I left that place, got my shit together, dropped 25 pounds, got a new boyfriend, and started kicking ass in my graduate program. He sent letters to my mother in a really lame attempt to reach out to me, and none of it worked. Apparently, a year and a half later, he is still messed up over dumping me.

I only tell you all this because I think - if you are entertaining ideas of dumping your girlfriend - you should try to figure out whether her attitude is really representative of her, or whether she's going through a phase that will pass. Is there some reason she's acting this way now and wasn't 6 months ago? You should also spend some time thinking about whether you really love her or not. Since she is your first girlfriend, this will be difficult for you. I was not my ex's first, but I was the first serious girlfriend he ever had, and when he dumped me, I believe he had some delusions that he could find a woman who was perfect in every way. Obviously, he has been unable to and has regretted getting rid of what he had ever since.

Maybe the best way forward would be to be honest with your girlfriend about your feelings and to see what she has to say.