Got a date with friend, but got friend-zoned :( Feel confused.

[TallGuy1987]

I've gotten myself into the all too common situation of falling hard for my best friend and finding myself stuck in the friend zone. We're both in our mid 20s. We've known each other for a very long time. I've had feelings for her for a while, but only recently began to feel comfortable with them and decided to give it a try with her. She and I are very close, spend a lot of time together, and people sometime even think we're a couple.

About 2 years ago she mentioned to me during a conversation we were having that she thought she and I are compatible together and that a close friendship like ours is a strong foundation for a relationship. Since then I've casually talked and hinted to her for some time, in half-joking ways, that I might ask her out sometime. Her response to that was usually that she'd be willing to give me a chance.

A year ago, I finally mustered about the courage to tell her I wanted to go out with her. But it happened at a time when she was seeing someone. Her response was that if she wasn't seeing the other guy, she would have said yes to me, and that I'd probably have another chance at it sometime. They broke up eventually, but I didn't do anything at the time, though I probably should have. About a month ago I finally told her again I wanted to go on a date with her, and she said yes, and last week we finally went on a date.

We both had a great time together. It was the best date I ever had. It felt so natural. And I could tell she had a great time as well. At the end though, it all went downhill when she told me I'm her best friend and she doesn't see more happening.

I probably should have asked her this right away, but I didn't - if that's how she feels, then why did she agree to go out with me? She clearly knew my intentions of it being a real date. And she's not the kind of girl who would say yes just to avoid having to say no to me right away. So it doesn't make sense.

My 2nd question is - is the friend zone truly escapable? I'll move on eventually if I have to, as hard as it will be. But if I do have a shot to make her see me differently in the future, I'd try that to my best ability. I don't want to settle for less when I know that the best is right in front of me.

Thanks for your input.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She wanted to give it a shot because she likes you. She definitely just sees you as a friend because you were too pussy to make a move, years ago. It's probably blatantly obvious that you think you're in love and thats a huge turn off for a girl that you've never so much as kissed. For you, this is paramount to inescapable. Cut the friendship off and see if she chases, but I'm not even sure that would work at this point. Sever contact with her until you get over it and find a new girl.

[Red Apollo]

When a girl proclaims you best friends, I really don't think there is any escaping the friend zone at that point. And not only did she call you her best friend, she straight up told you she didn't see anything else happening. Stay friends, and enjoy it. Then try to find a girl that doesn't see you as a bff.

You should be thankful she was a classy enough girl to actually tell you that. Instead of the "letting you down easy" approach of ignoring you or blowing you off.

[searock]

I'm a girl and I've fallen in love with my best friend, so it's not true that if a girl in general says that a guy is their best friend it means that the guy has been friend zoned. Being best friends is the best foundation for a strong, lasting relationship.

In this case though, she also said that she doesn't see any more happening other than best friendship. This means you (OP) are strictly in the friend zone for her.

I agree that she shouldn't have said yes to the date if she already had in mind to not have anything happening between you. It was a bit dishonest of her. But maybe she didn't know herself what to expect, and she wanted to give it a try. It is possible that she realized fully only during the date that she sees you "only" as a friend. Still, if it's bothering you a lot, you should probably ask for an explanation - as a friend.

Good luck in keeping your friendship strong, I know how hard it can be when you have strong feelings for a best friend who doesn't reciprocate!