Friend her or avoid her?

[KingZ]

I know I wouldn't. I will cringe more. Everthing he does will seem to me as he's still trying...

Exactly.

Dude, you need to just stop. You're creeping her the fu​ck out. There's nothing you can do at this point that will make you anything but awkward and creepy. How are you so socially retarded?

The only thing you have that could possibly save this is to just cut contact, and wait for her to contact you. That's all.

[MynameisJesus]

I want to send her a nice email that would explain myself and make her more comfortable around me. My intentions were always good and any awkwardness I caused was because I cared about her. I feel like a friendly email with the RIGHT words could ease a lot of tension between us.

If she were to receive an email from me, what would she want it to say that would accomplish this?

BAD IDEA

Why don't you want to tell her this in person?
Because you are afraid of her response and you want to avoid awkwardness?

[ksmit]

You really have to kick this bad habit. So have I. You probably lost this girl already.
She picked up on your anxiety and she has classified you as a friend.

I totally agree, but it was never really a habit as this is the first time I've dated. Hopefully it will be easy to break this in the future. I'm confident I've grown a lot with this experience and if I could go back I think things would have been much different. It's amazing how volatile and sensitive female attraction is and how easy it can turn off like a switch and never come back.

If you are honest with yourself, you know that being friends is not what you want.
You just said you were anxious when there was tension. Are you sure that proclaiming to be her friend isn't just an excuse to still be around her and hoping to make your move later?

Yes, that was the plan. I've never been in this predicament before but I'm starting to think that's NOT what I want. Just knowing she found another boyfriend or got married would break my heart. I was never comfortable around this girl (cuz she's so goddamn hot) and she's only met my shell. I thought maybe if she got to know me as a friend she would get a chance to see me for who I really am.

I find it very hard to be friends with an attractive woman. Therefore I never try it any longer

This is a new concept to me and I've been questioning myself if I could do it. I suppose if you're going to have an attractive female friend, make LOTS of them so you're never focused on one.

Dude, you need to just stop. You're creeping her the fu​ck out.

BAD IDEA

You two are way behind. See my most recent posts for the current situation. I backed off her and she's contacting me now and trying to please me.

[surfhb]

Great replies toshiba and surfhb.

You're right, I need to use more push/pull. Guess I wasn't really aware of the concept. But like I said, until a few months ago I've not only had zero dating experience, but little experience with women in general. I think surfhb is right on. Her giving me a couple days of attention after ignoring me for so long is not enough for me to start pursuing her again. She's going to have to try harder than that... Dating multiple girls is a great idea, if only it were easier to approach women in public.

It's just bugging me that if she only wanted to be friends, why is she going so overboard trying to please me out of the blue like this? Can any women here relate to this mindset? It makes absolutely no sense to me. If I was getting chased by a girl I knew was interested in me, but I wasn't interested in her, I would be very careful not to lead her on. Not only would it be inconsiderate to lead her on, but it would only lead to more awkwardness when she started hanging around me.

Dont try to figure out female behavior...you'll just go insane. She may like you she may be an attention whore....who knows?

[toshiba]

She picked up on your anxiety and she has classified you as a friend.

This could be the case, or she is just shy herself and trying to show interest through giving you something for lunch, how did that turn out, that was a couple days ago, right?

I disagree with those who say "give up", but agree you should change your tact, you have no opportunity cost here, ignore her for a while (completely, women hate this and she will wonder why you are no longer giving her attention), see if she approaches you, suggest a date (not through email, just casually if you run into her in a few weeks).

Basically not caring is key here.

[ksmit]

Dont try to figure out female behavior...you'll just go insane. She may like you she may be an attention whore....who knows?

Haha, I think trying to figure her out is actually what drove everything into the ground. Simple, but gold advice!

I'm still hoping a female can provide some insight on her recent behavior IF you can relate. I'll try to make it simple...
1. Guy confesses to liking you and asks you out over the weekend. You say you "really want to go".
2. The time comes, you flake out on him and apologize the next day and treat him to dinner. But your body language is distant and you seem uncomfortable.
3. Next week, he asks if you want to go for an evening walk, but you claim to have a headache. From here on, the 2 following times he visits your desk to talk, you appear as if you're under distress and exhausted of his presence. Zero smiling, just clearly unhappy.
4. You cut all contact and avoid him at all costs.
5. Next week he swings by your desk briefly and you feel very uneasy.
6. He cuts all contact with you for 2 weeks.
7. He walks by your desk NOT to talk to you and now you're VERY happy to see him. You tell him about a great shake you made and offer to bring him one the next day and he's like "yeah whatever, I'll try it".
8. The next day, you email him that you didn't have time, but you have various other fruits and juices available if he wants. You even offer to drive home on your lunch break JUST to make him one! (Overall, you're very eager to please him)

If she wanted to start contacting me again, why not be more subtle? Initiating contact with me again is not what's puzzling, it's the fact she's taking such large strides.

[MynameisJesus]

Yes, that was the plan. I've never been in this predicament before but I'm starting to think that's NOT what I want. Just knowing she found another boyfriend or got married would break my heart. I was never comfortable around this girl (cuz she's so goddamn hot) and she's only met my shell. I thought maybe if she got to know me as a friend she would get a chance to see me for who I really am.

I tried to send you a PM but these lousy text fields are way too small.
I regocnize a lot of my old behaviours in your posting.
I thought that being friends would give me more time to get a better chance with her.

I guarantee you that being friends with someone you're in love with is the worst idea ever.
Not only is it very painful to see her with a new boyfriend, it also leads you further away from her if you want to attract her in the future.
Women really classify you as boyfriend material or friend material based on the way you behave. And it pisses me off that some deny it because they want to keep your attention as a friend.

I found an amazing site that tells nothing but the truth about all this. It's not one of those commercial PUA sites where they teach you how to be a d!ckhead.
Neither is it one of those sites developed by females lieing about the truth.
It explains the basic ideas behind all of this and it will teach you to understand what you are doing wrong.
More importantly why it is wrong, and how women react to it. No woman will say " Jeez you are a creep and you just ruined your chances "
They will ignore you, deceive you about the truth and things will go downhill. I guarantee you that no woman will ever say to me " I like you but let's just be friends " in the future.
Because I know to what misery these friendships lead and I make it very clear that being friends is not an option

If you can send me a PM with an email address (I don't need to know your name, you can make one up) I will send you important files.
It's all about your mindset

You don't have to act like someone you're not. And maybe some of the behavior will seem unnatural for you in the beginning.
But if you know why stuff you are doing now scares her away, and why other behavior will get her running after you, it will become natural because you like the result

[surfhb]

Sort of....

I'll never be friends with a women whom I'm deeply emotionally involved.....this takes months btw. If I'm dating a girl I like and she wants to be friends, I always say yes. Why? Use that to your advantage. She must have beautiful girlfriends...right?

[ksmit]

I'll never be friends with a women whom I'm deeply emotionally involved.....this takes months btw. If I'm dating a girl I like and she wants to be friends, I always say yes. Why? Use that to your advantage. She must have beautiful girlfriends...right?

Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm probably only crazy about her because she's the first ATTRACTIVE girl I felt I really had a chance with. It was only possible because we got to meet in a professional environment which forced us to communicate every so often. In other words, the hard work was already done. She's the only attractive girl in my entire building. I never felt an emotional connection until I got to know her as a person. She's very sensitive and shy like I am which made me really attracted to her. I usually assume gorgeous women are party girls or personalities types I don't click with.

[toshiba]

She's the only attractive girl in my entire building.

Yeah, so EVERYONE probably hits on her, give her some space for now.