Do men really hate to be pushed into committment/talking abt the feelings?

[Leona77]

Dear men I've been reading a book about how male-female relationships work and I've come accross this paragraph so I was wondering if you agree & what your thoughts are. I am not in a relationship but I am reading this book to better understand men and why they react the way they react. And more importantly, for me to see why I react to them in a way that I react..
So is this true? :

If you know anything about men, you know that they
don’t like to be pushed in any direction when it comes to
their emotions. They can be really stubborn. Just talking
about emotions is enough with some men, but trying to
get them to change is kind of like performing brain
surgery with salad forks. You’re just not going to get the
job done.
The best thing to do is for a woman to cater her
approach with a man to his specific emotional potential…
Or decide to not get involved with him in the first place
since he’s emotionally inept - a dry well.

[bulrush]

Men who are insecure, (these include most of the young guys) do not like to talk about their emotions or the future, or commitment. It's not just because they are "men". They have been socialized intensely to hide their feelings. Sometimes in my high school guys would get beat up for being just a little emotional about their girlfriend. Plus, their brains are not wired to be real emotional in the first place, so emotions take a distant back seat to most other brain functions.

I'm very secure, and I talk about my emotions a lot with my gf. But I don't cry. I might get a little weepy very rarely, but rarely do I cry.

[HeartIsAching]

Dear men I've been reading a book about how male-female relationships work and I've come accross this paragraph so I was wondering if you agree & what your thoughts are. I am not in a relationship but I am reading this book to better understand men and why they react the way they react. And more importantly, for me to see why I react to them in a way that I react..
So is this true? :

If you know anything about men, you know that they
don’t like to be pushed in any direction when it comes to
their emotions. They can be really stubborn. Just talking
about emotions is enough with some men, but trying to
get them to change is kind of like performing brain
surgery with salad forks. You’re just not going to get the
job done.
The best thing to do is for a woman to cater her
approach with a man to his specific emotional potential…
Or decide to not get involved with him in the first place
since he’s emotionally inept - a dry well.

That's some seriously twisted and abusive bullshit right there.

Pushed? Changed? Hell no. You try to change me to suit yourself, and you're going to be sorry. It won't work. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing... all it does is piss both of you off.

He either has feelings for you, or he doesn't. You can't "make" him change.

You either like him the way he is, or you don't. You try to make him change and you'll end up with heartache.

[surfhb]

Thats statement is true for any normal human being, not just men

[jb1111983]

Yes, we really hate to pushed into talking about feelings or commitment or anything else. We hate to be pushed! We can talk about our feelings and all but only on our own.

[Leona77]

That's some seriously twisted and abusive bullshit right there.

Pushed? Changed? Hell no. You try to change me to suit yourself, and you're going to be sorry. It won't work. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing... all it does is piss both of you off.

He either has feelings for you, or he doesn't. You can't "make" him change.

You either like him the way he is, or you don't. You try to make him change and you'll end up with heartache.

Yes, I know...the article says exactly what you are saying,but in a different way. That men hate being pushed.I kind of knew that, but when an actual situation happens, I forget that. For example, my friend is with her boyfriend for 2 years almost. She's independent, has her own apartment, car, good job. Her bfr still lives with his parents and has a less paid job. They get along ok (some humps and bumps) but she is getting frustrated that he isn't taking the relationship to the next level. So I was thinking. Is she right to be upset or is she wrong? I don't know what I'd think in the same situation. From the outside, she looks like she is pushing him, but she tells me that she isn't getting as much as she thinks she should & she feels she is the one who is ready-er to settle. She's 32 and he's 29....

[Leona77]

Thanks. The book says exactly that. That male and female brains are simply wired differently & in order to understand a man, a girl needs to accept that and work with how men REALLY are instead of how we'd LIKE them to be. So yeah, i guess you talk abt your feeling with the girlfriend after you establish a serious and trusting relationship

[bulrush]

^ Now you're getting it. Find a man you like, because you can't change the man you have. Well, you can, but only a little bit. Compromise is the concept. People must compromise to make a relationship work. And compromise means a small amount of change.

[Leona77]

^ Now you're getting it. Find a man you like, because you can't change the man you have. Well, you can, but only a little bit. Compromise is the concept. People must compromise to make a relationship work. And compromise means a small amount of change.

Exactly. But it's not only about that.Even if he is a good guy that we'd eventually like, most women (including me and my friends) screw up before we get to know them half-way into dating because we don't understand why he does (or doesn't ) do certain things. We analyze for ages his actions and words for some hgidden meaning where there is none. Or if there is some simple and obvious meaning, we usually come up with the wrong conclusion. So, I am loving this new advanced perception of men Hope I can implement it right ...

[HeartIsAching]

Thanks. The book says exactly that. That male and female brains are simply wired differently & in order to understand a man, a girl needs to accept that and work with how men REALLY are instead of how we'd LIKE them to be. So yeah, i guess you talk abt your feeling with the girlfriend after you establish a serious and trusting relationship

My wife knows more about my feelings than anybody, and not just feelings about her.

A couple of weeks ago, my sister again threatened suicide... and this time she actually took pills while I was on the phone with her. After calling emergency services and getting her taken care of, it was my wife that picked up the pieces. That's just how it works.

[HeartIsAching]

We analyze for ages his actions and words for some hgidden meaning where there is none.

Exactly right.

[Leona77]

Hmm, I guess I should re-read this book abt 100 times because it has some really valuable insigth into men....I might share some other views and ask you about it as I go along. Thanks for the answers

[Boisdevie]

I will compromise to a certain extent because I am a reasonable human being.
BUT if my GF wants to CHANGE me into something I am NOT then she will be my ex GF pretty damn quick.
Men talk when they are ready to talk. One of the reasons why men are reluctant to talk is that women are unliikely to like what we say. And we know that already. So we don't talk until it's eating us apart and then we blow up.