Need Big-time Help.

[Transcend]

Hi there everyone.

I am a male, and I have been in an 8 Month relationship now with my girlfriend.

Now here is the dilemma that I am faced with..

What do you do when you love someone so much, but you just know inside that they are not a long-term viable partner for you? (because of lack of goals, etc).

I say that because I love my girlfriend so much, she is amazing, we are so close together, and have so much fun.. But she has little to no motivation career-wise. She doesn't seem to care much about anything relating to that.. She is the "Live life day to day" type that doesn't plan ahead, or care enough to.. And she is more than content with working like a minimum wage restaurant job her entire life. Me, I am a student, what I want in a partner is someone that has goals, and the drive to be all that they can.

Because I do not see any sort of drive in her I have been overcome with this feeling that she is not a type of person for me long-term.. And now because I know that and I haven't broken up with her as result.. I feel like I am dragging this relationship on.. And I feel horrible for it.

Also, I have talked this over with her time and time again about goals, and nothing will change.

What do you do when you love someone, are so close to them, and care about them so much, but they just lack certain qualities you need to see like motivation? I feel like if she was motivated to do stuff that we would be absolutely perfect for each other.. But sadly, that isn't the case. It is obviously a really difficult scenario for me.

Am I a moronic asshole that has to get some balls and tell her straight up that we aren't for each other? Or do we have hope?

Thoughts on this?

[Tanguerra]

You say you get along together, you enjoy each other's company, she's 'amazing' she's 'so much fun'. I'm assuming the physical side of things is great and you 'love her'. If so, why do you want to dictate to her how to live her life? Men are always complaining that women are trying to change them. Nobody likes it! Maybe one of the reasons she is so fun and relaxed is because she's not interested in the 'rat race'? Not everyone is and it's not necessarily a flaw.

Do you really think that out there somewhere is a person without flaws that you will get on well with, that you can love and who will love you? Wake up! It's hard enough to find someone you like who feels the same way too. Why spoil it? You're both still young and I assure you that life is long and people change all the time (even if they don't think they're going to change, they always do). It could well be that in the future your girlfriend will find something that inspires her and she might suddenly get very focussed on that all of a sudden. Or it could well be that you might change your attitude to what's important in life too. Why break something that is not broken because of some vague fears about the a possible future scenario? Take life and love as it comes. You'll live longer and be happier.

[Way2Roux]

It sounds like you're beginning to fall OUT of love. Learn to accept these feelings, be honest, and don't lead her on

[Transcend]

It sounds like you're beginning to fall OUT of love. Learn to accept these feelings, be honest, and don't lead her on

Oh I definitely love her and care about her a LOT. I literally cannot break up with her, it just isn't possible. I think it is more a problem with me and my own logic then on her end. I have some looking into myself to do it appears.

[bulrush]

What do you do when you love someone so much, but you just know inside that they are not a long-term viable partner for you? (because of lack of goals, etc).

You have to decide what is a deal breaker for you. Maybe make a list on paper of all the things that are deal-breakers, and another list of all the things that are important, but not deal-breakers. If her lack of motivation in her career is a problem for you, then you should break up. If you don't mind doing all the work and earning most of the money, and her spending it, then you can compromise and still see her.

[Kathryn6586]

I know how you feel. I am in a similar situation. All I can say is talk to her about her goals and motivations and let her know how you feel and that it's concerning to you that she may not be a long-term partner because of this. If she doesn't change anything or make improvements then get out before it's too late. U don't want to end up like me...I have been with my partner 5 years waiting for him to get it together. Trust me, it only gets worse and harder to leave with time. Best of luck!

[Way2Roux]

Oh I definitely love her and care about her a LOT. I literally cannot break up with her, it just isn't possible. I think it is more a problem with me and my own logic then on her end. I have some looking into myself to do it appears.

I guess it all just depends on if you are willing to change your thoughts, because she doesn't sound like she's going to change her ways. If you want to stay with her, YOU have to change; you can't rely on her to change

[Tanguerra]

Oh I definitely love her and care about her a LOT. I literally cannot break up with her, it just isn't possible. I think it is more a problem with me and my own logic then on her end. I have some looking into myself to do it appears.

Yes. This would seem sensible to me. Love is a tricky business. It's better to try not to mix it up with money. It will only confuse things. You know what they say: Money can't buy love.

[bpem]

It seems like she lacks ambition, and this is often a trait desired by a lot of people. In the long term, sure she may not be the right person for you. Perhaps it's best to talk to her and maybe find out if she has a plan and she just hasn't shared it with you?