Jealous of his female friend

[malteser]

I'm in a long distance relationship and I recently found out that the guy I'm seeing has a really close friend who is female. I'm already finding the distance thing really difficult because we only started seeing eachother about 3 months ago while he lived near me but 3 weeks ago he moved back home to where he is originally from and it's a 6 hour drive from me. It turns out that he has been in contact with his friend and they have been out together and I feel this awful jealousy which is something I've never felt before. He said they've been close friends for years and that nothing has ever happened between them, apparently she likes him and her family think he would be good for her but he said they are such good friends that it would be like kissing his sister. He also just found out she does drugs which he really doesn't like in a girl.

I trust him 100% but my paranoid/jealous side is coming out and I'm really worried that he will develop feelings for her now he is living back near her permanently. I can't stand the thought of him picking her up and taking her out and them laughing etc together. I feel like this is my issue though, he can chose his mates and who am I to get between a close friendship when they've known eachother for years and we've only just met.

I don't know whether to be honest with him about how I'm feeling or just keep quiet. I started telling him how I was concerned he was going to meet someone else and he said he doesn't like paranoid women, he told me he's not looking for anyone else and he often talks about seeing me again, so I don't want to drive him away. At the same time this jealous feeling I have is eating away at me and I can't really cope with it. What should I do

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Find a guy to start hanging out with.

In all liklihood, he's going to sleep with her.

[Petit Papillon]

What kind of LDR is it? Do you have even plans to move in together in the nearest future?Or any future ?

[Wakeup]

Find a guy to start hanging out with.

In all liklihood, he's going to sleep with her.

Sadly, I totally agree with this. They're disrespecting your relationship. Since you don't complain, he will do it until he's having (if he's not already) an emotional affair with her, then it will likely progress to a physical one. It's not written in stone of course, but the chances are certainly high. That old song comes to mind. "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with."

OP: Why do you act the martyr and pretend to be fine because you're afraid of seeming clingly and offending him?

"he doesn't like paranoid women." Then he should bloody well not do things to make them paranoid, eh? I don't see this one lasting long. It's only been three months, don't fall hard for this one is my advice. Particularily if you have no plans to be with him on a weekly basis until you move close to one another again. As PP says, what are the future plans to be together (if any). Hmm, Three months... kinda early for those, no?

[the_last_jedi]

Sadly, I totally agree with this. They're disrespecting your relationship. Since you don't complain, he will do it until he's having (if he's not already) an emotional affair with her, then it will likely progress to a physical one. It's not written in stone of course, but the chances are certainly high. That old song comes to mind. "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with."

OP: Why do you act the martyr and pretend to be fine because you're afraid of seeming clingly and offending him?

"he doesn't like paranoid women." Then he should bloody well not do things to make them paranoid, eh? I don't see this one lasting long. It's only been three months, don't fall hard for this one is my advice. Particularily if you have no plans to be with him on a weekly basis until you move close to one another again. As PP says, what are the future plans to be together (if any). Hmm, Three months... kinda early for those, no?

My opinion is exactly the opposite one. I don't understand why they are disrespecting the relationship: they are friends, and they talk very often. What is the problem?

According to what she has said, he hasn't given her a real cause to be jealous, right now the problem is only inside her mind.

Therefore, my advice would be that you had better make a reflection about if you trust in your boyfriend or no. If you trust in him, there is no problem (there is no problem about his friend, although a long-distance relationship is always very difficult, of course, but that is a different matter). But if you feel that you can't trust in him (and your words indicate something like that), I am afraid that a long-distance relationship is too hard for you (it is harder for some people than for other, it depends on the person), and in that case, perhaps you should think about another person.

[Wakeup]

right now the problem is only inside her mind.

"Right now" being the key words. Keep in mind my post and the one I was agreeing to is based on the eventuality and likelyhood. There are certain relationship boundaries that need to be in place for a relationship to last the test of time and when one (or the other) refuses to even have relationship boundaries, well then the odds are that the relationship will soon fail.

I don't understand why so many young people need to hang alone with members of the opposite sex and still expect the relationship to be stable. It's totally against human nature and the way we love in a rather possessive manner. Only those who don't care much for who they are hurting, would have one on one time with a
member of the opposite sex. Doing "date-like" one-on-one activities with someone other than your SO is disrespectful to the SO and the relationship in general. JMO.

Me: I'd distance myself completely from someone who has date-like, one-on-one activities with another woman, without me. Where's his male friends?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't think he's openly disrespected the relationship either, but I get the feeling that it's his way or the highway and he has not regard for her concerns. Just saying, "I don't like paranoid girls.", when she probably just needed some reassurance is just inconsiderate of her feelings and probably a sign of a much deeper lack of concern. If I say something like that to a girl I'm seeing, I do it to make her feel like she's acting crazy and to shut her up, and I know exactly what I'm doing. It also means, I don't care about her and she's probably just a booty call.

Just watch. Communication is going to slow down, and excuses are going to come pouring in. Then you're going to get a text message saying that he wants a break. Then he's going to hook up with her, and break up with you. You heard it here first.

[bulrush]

As far as you know, they are just friends. So call him up and talk to him about it. Tell him you would like some reassurance. See if he understands your position and realizes you do indeed, need reassurance. If he reassures you, he sounds like a decent guy (so far). If he doesn't understand your needs, maybe it's time to rethink this relationship.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Bulrush, I'm curious; do you ever read beyond the title before responding?

[malteser]

Thanks for the replies. I feel like it's my issue and I shouldn't be so silly because I have male friends, some of which I know like me, yet I talk to them and I know nothing will ever happen between us. The difference is I wouldn't take them out just the two of us and it's that which I'm finding it more hard to get my head around.