Hi y'all,
I am truly, madly, deeply in love with a classmate from a programming class I took as part of my training as a new employee at a large software company, nearly three years ago. She was gorgeous and I mean really really gorgeous and she was also a really sweet person and pretty smart too by what I could tell from class. I sometimes gazed at her during class without her noticing it the whole term, right from the moment I spotted her. I was pretty discreet and tried not to be creepy, atleast I think she didnt notice me but I cant be certain. I was a little shy back then having been a nerd all my high school and college years and there were all these other guys hitting on her all the time, everyone one of whom she blew off, except one guy who she seemed to like initially as I saw her hanging out with him many times. But after a while I had the impression she wasnt serious about him as she didnt go out with him over the weekend or ate lunch with him any day and it even seemed she was putting up with him and slowly avoiding him altogether from what I could tell. Besides if they had anything serious going on I'd surely have heard about it. So anyway I never went up and talked to her.

Then there was this class project at the end of the two month long course, when everyone broke up into teams to build a project as a team and by luck she was in the team that sat next to mine in the lab. I used to sit in the lab the whole day, coming in early waiting for her to come in to work and leaving only after she left. She worked hard, as did I and everyone else and there was barely any time for socializing inside the lab as we worked the whole day from 10 to 10 breaking only for lunch in the afternoon and coffee in the evening. Somedays we even had lunch at our tables. Also unfortunately for me, against all my hopes no opportunity ever came up to break the ice with her as there was this team mate of hers who stuck to her like glue the whole day, yammering away about every little thing in the project course book all the time. Outside she had her friends from college and a couple of new friends from class who she ate lunch with. So I still couldnt talk to her.

Besides passing the register log occassionally, I didnt have much interaction with her, though I tried a couple of times smiling at her when our eyes met casually, but she smiled back thinly and looked away. I got the impression she didnt really think much of me and I went into a bit of a funk and I dragged along feeling rather depressed. I didnt try talking or smiling at her again.

But as it happened, me being a real boy genius and all, our trainer was blown away by our work on the final presentation day and she stood us up in front of the whole class and really piled her admiration and love sky high on our team, and especially on me since I had done most of the brilliant stuff, while standing right next to *ahem* the object of my affections. We topped the class. Her team came in third.

And sure enough SHE came up to me, smiled that amazing grace filled smile of hers and said congratulations. And said she'd like to take a look at my work. I mumbled thanks, smiled back a little more broadly than I intended to and nearly fainted. Really. But I kept my cool and I showed her our code and we talked about work and stuff but I didnt chat her up or anything, there was no time. By what I can tell from those nearly three minutes time talking, she seemed genuinely impressed with me. We almost broke off mid-sentence but I managed to say I'd talk to her later as others in the class kept coming up to say congrats. I continued talking to everyone who came up, and I dont really remember what happened after that. She probably left the lab soon after talking to me since it was already late night by then. Me and my friend who was also my roomie celebrated by having a couple of beers that night and went up to my room to sleep. I havent told him about my feelings for her either, but I think he suspects as much.

Just when things were going my way, bad luck struck again. We had about one more month of another course after the project presentation, before we graduated from training. Next day of the final presentation, I came to the lab feeling all light and springy only to find it empty and the instructor telling me I had to go to the auditorium in an adjacent block for the batching process. At the auditorium the class was sorted into a group of batches by the campus locations we would be posted to after we graduated. She and I were put in different batches, we were to join different locations in different cities. I had hoped I would be able to talk to her that day in class and get to be friends, but now we had training sessions all day long in different classrooms, since we were in different batches and we had sessions with our new batch instead of our old class.

After that the only time I saw her was when we ran into each other at lunch or coffee, with me deliberately trying to find her to run into everyday. I never saw her around campus on weekends when she probably went out with her college buddies into town or went sight seeing.

She waved and talked to me for a few seconds whenever I managed to run into her, but we never had enough time to talk properly. She seemed interested and curious and her face did light up whenever she saw me, but she never showed any indication of being interested in going out or having lunch at the cafeteria or simply hanging out even. And I not wanting to blow this newly formed friendship-like acquaintance, thought it would be risky to make any move without some more getting to know each other. Besides she was this drop dead gorgeous "nine"-er and I was a plain old untall, okayish looking trying-to-be-ex-nerd at best. From the beginning, I didnt really think I had a great chance with her, except that incident with the project had gotten my expectations up by a fair amount.

Anyhow, the month passed quickly with me getting desperate everyday trying to get close with her with no success at all. I began to realize I couldnt ever make it with her and she was only being friendly to me all this time, which, hit over the head with her, I had misinterpreted as hints of romantic interest. Not only that but that she probably wasnt even interested in being friends. I sank back into a state of despair. I was in pretty bad shape the whole last week. I even skipped training for a couple days calling in sick. I made up my mind not to bother telling her how I felt and that I would try to forget her.

The last day came and I did run into her by accident at the cafeteria. She had been going around saying her good-byes to everyone. She came up to me and my friend and started talking to us as usual but I could only smile wanly and respond monosyllabically, while my friend did most of the answering for us. She said she had enjoyed her time here and would miss everyone and that she'd like us to keep in touch. We exchanged email addresses. She neither offered nor asked for phone numbers and we didnt either. She did notice I was a little sad looking, and looked at me with a frown as if about to ask me what was wrong, but I couldnt stand it any longer. I excused myself saying I had a few things to do before leaving and said my good-bye and hoped she would have a great life ahead and hoped to keep in touch and walked away.

I went up to my room and cried a bit. Then my friend got back. I washed my face, packed up some stuff lying around and we hauled our stuff out of the room, handed over the keys to maintenance, checked out and went back to the cafeteria for lunch. We finished lunch said our good-byes to some people who were still there, and when our cab came we got in and took off. I had hoped to catch a glimpse of her one last time but she had probably left before us and I never saw her again.

Since then there has been absolutely no contact with her, she hasnt emailed and neither have I. We arent friends on facebook either. Its been three years now and I'm still depressed. I know that I have zero chance of ever getting her. But I cant help what I feel and I've been thinking maybe telling her would give me some peace, since thats all I am looking for, a little peace.
But I'm not sure if this is a good idea and I feel its not right somehow to guilt someone into sympathizing with me. So I just signed on to ask you guys what you think I should do. Should I tell her or shouldnt I? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Pat