Am I just an idiot?

[pixiesticks]

I posted about my bf and I braking up for 2 months and him befriending woman who helped him through a tough time during our breakup. I worried they had more than a friendship. They don't and you guys assured me that it was natural etc. Now...

I have new news on what he did after we had our brake up: I broke it off with him because we were arguing too much and I had little or NC for almost 2 months. He called, emailed, texted, professing his undying love for me and pleaded for me to talk to him and I wouldn't, I didn't like ending it, but he 'pushed' me with all the arguing... After 2 months I finally talked to him and we made up about 2 weeks ago.

Today I was helping him log onto a network and as I was troubleshooting his computer, I found a new network with a woman's name on it. I asked him who she was and he said it was a friend. I pushed and said who, he finally said it was a woman he was seeing before we got together... then reluctantly, he confessed to sleeping with her sometime during the 2 months we were broken up and that he did it b/c he thought we were done for good.

My question is how can this guy say he was soooo in love with me and totally devastated when we broke up and then run back to previous gf and sex with her? Is he just stringing the two of us back n forth? Should I believe him that he was so hurt by me not calling him, thought it was over.... but managed to sleep with someone else in such a short period of time? What does any of this mean? I need some help with this! Please! Am I overreacting?

[PetiteRae]

Hey it's my first post here but this is definitely something I can comment on...

For everybody it's different but in my opinion when you are broken up you are broken up and what happens between either of you and other people doesn't count if you get back together whether it's a week later, a month or a year. He didn't fall in love with her and she didn't move in to his house. They just had sex, and he probably offloaded a lot of his emotional pain on her too, or not, either way he needed something to fill the void left by the loss of intimacy after the break up. A lot of people don't waste much time finding some comfort after a break up.

But, you guys got back together, and that stuff is in the past. It hurts that he slept with someone else and it hurts that he wasn't upfront about it, but I'm sure if you ask him why he didn't admit it, well, he didn't want to hurt you and he didn't want to jeapordise your newly patched up relationship.

What it comes down to, is that he chose you. He wanted you back after you broke off with him, opening himself up to more hurt, willing to try to fix the arguments. He loves you that much. The other woman, his ex, doesn't mean scratch. If you love him too, remember that you are at a fresh start.

[pixiesticks]

I really needed to hear that. For me it just stuck this big fat wedge in our future r/s. What should I say to him now? We talked all afternoon about it. He says he doesn't see her anymore, he wasn't 'starting' things back with her and I'm the one he's always wanted to be with.

I've been distant all night to him now I feel like i should send him a text. But what should I say?

[PetiteRae]

I can't tell you what to say hun... that depends on what you feel. For some people, knowing that their partner has been with someone else, even during a break in the relationship where the relationship was considered "over" is too much. Maybe you're one of them?

Think about what you want, but don't cold shoulder him while you are taking the time to think. If what you want is to have him by your side then work on making things good between you two, say something that will make him happy

[workingman78]

Sometimes when someone is hurt, they find themselves doing stuff out of character. He likely loves you but was emotionally (and physically) vulnerable during the break up and found himself with this other person. The flip side is that he could be a complete jerk and just like that. I don't know him so it is hard for me to say.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I did the same thing when my g/f broke up with me. I slept with one of my friends and had a fairly short fling before that went up in smoke(long, long story for another day).

The new girl lived in my ex's building, and when my ex found out, she was very upset and angry, but she really had no right to be. She initiated a break, and ignored most of my contact, so I treated it as us not being together. Just like you have no right to be upset or angry with him. You broke up with him and completely severed contact, why are you angry that he began moving on with his life? I was still very much in love with my ex when this happened(still am), though at the time I was quite pleased with myself, and we actually just started seeing each other again after being broken up for 3 years. Point is, it's very easy to still be in love with someone, and sleep with someone else, particularly when the one you love has pushed you away and refuses to acknowledge your existence(that would be you, in this case).

[pixiesticks]

Yes, I know. I did end it. I just can't stand the thought of him being with someone else (especially this ex gf) I talked to him this morning and told him I would put it all behind me and believe that he chose me and well go from there. He said he was really glad to hear that and wanted nothing more than to be with me (always), he never wanted me to leave in the first place, and tried so hard to communicate to me. He said he feels bad about the whole thing but that he was hurting so badly to the point of where he 'wore his friends out' crying and carrying on.

He also said that he knows me and is 100% sure I will leave for good if there is any kind of 'cheating' going on and said he will conduct himself in a way that will not invoke jealousy or doubt as we work things out. He says he loves me and will do anything to make things better.

I realize I have work to do on my end, like why I have a hard time believing his words and need to get to the bottom of why. I hope I've made the right choice by trying to work this out. I just want things to lighten up with our r/s and I'm struggling with this 'new' information. Part of me could care less about what he did, part of me feels this is just a temporary situation, and the other part (the one that keeps me up at night!), is sometimes all consuming...

If anyone has any advice on how to overcome those awful thoughts and painful feelings, let me know! Lol,