Is it too late for me? Long read

[Rugbylad]

This all started half way through my relationship with my ex, we were together 3 years im 22 and shes 18 it was amazing when we first got together and when we first fell for eachother.

I started to get cold feet because time was getting on and we were still together and i was thinking all sorts like am i too young? is it only one girl i will fall in love with? all these things was keeping me from her i started to be distant and started to take her for granted.

My mother became ill with cancer and it messed my head up causing me to go on a break with her we ended up splitting but then i realised what i had done and i went back asking her to come back, we got back and had another year and a half together.

My mother passed away in that time and it made me even worse, i became paranoid and aggressive, my temper was becoming worse and she ended up distancing herself from me she ended up in her words "dreading to see me" because of the way i was. one day last month i seen some photos of her hanging out with a group of people and for some reason i thought she had cheated so i phoned her up and started yelling down then phone accusing her of this. i didnt apologize or anything until the next day and she said we needed to talk.

She picked me up and we spoke she said she couldnt carry on like this she had enough of me and wanted to split up, i was obviously gutted and tried to persuade her not too. So she agreed to a weeks break in that week i just kept phoning her and smothering her saying all sorts and i told her friends asking them what she was thinking etc which really didnt go down well with my ex. after that week she did break up with me and i was in a right mess when she did.

I tried getting her back and tried hanging out with her but everytime i did i had the need to express my feelings and tried telling her how much i loved her and how much i was sorry etc...

She turned round and told me that she was going to start seeing other people which really sent me over the edge i tried holding back and tried playing it cool but i couldnt, even when we were chilling out i could feel myself shaking with rage because she was going out with other people as "friends" the reason she wanted to go out was because somthing to do and someone different to speak to. I said do you really want to lose me and she said no but she didnt want to get back because there was a feeling that was stopping her and that the spark had gone and she couldnt see it coming back.

A week ago i finally snapped and told her i cant do this anymore im out. i got so low and my emotions were so messed up i even threatened suicide. her mother called me into the house and phoned my father because they were worried, my ex was crying because she still cares about me but doesnt love me anymore.

Since then i seen her out with her friends i was walking the dog and i went to make conversation with them all and it was very awkward she was being very blunt to me as well just didnt attempt to make conversation back and that really annoyed me.

Im playing a no contact rule because i want her to miss me and realise shes made a mistake but will she though. im not going back on myself i wont be contacting her until i feel that im fit enough to talk again having said that i do think shes the one and that we are very compatible its just my head was messing up and i realised i wanted to be with her too late i suppose i got scared and realised how i treated her which then made me paranoid that i wasnt good enough.

Thing is shes meeting this other guy and they seem to be getting on well (from what i gather on facebook) what should i do, do i move on and hope that she will realise that she made a mistake or just give her a text in a couple of weeks to see how she is?

She doesnt know im currently going through counselling should i tell her but i dont have a excuse to talk to her plus i really want to wait until my mothers headstone gets put up because i do want her to see it regardless because my mother did think the world of her.

[HeartIsAching]

To put it bluntly, you're an abusive twit and she's had enough. I suggest counseling. Specifically, you want to focus on communications, emotional and mental abuse, and taking responsibilities for your own actions.

[Rugbylad]

Your right i was a 'twit'

But recently i have asked for helped from a counsellor because im not that person for real.

I regret being that person and thing just snowballed and i became that person.

[HeartIsAching]

That's an excellent beginning. Perhaps if you tell her so...

Often acknowledging your mistake and taking real steps to correct it has an ameliorating effect.

[Rugbylad]

Ive told her everything i needed to but i completely lost it when she told me about seeing other people.

This guy shes met she seems to be getting on with really well and im frightened that i will lose her because of this guy.

I do want her to know that i am taking these measures for myself and for her also but shes very stubborn. She said to me last time we spoke that she couldnt handle my temper anymore and that she didnt know what i was going to do next, i think she became scared of me.

Hmmm just dont know what to do, its been 5 weeks since we split up and im thinking to myself, surely she cant get over me and move on to someone else in that time.