How can i get her back? Please read all

[Rugbylad]

My ex is meeting this other guy and they seem to be getting on well from what im seeing on facebook, im really worried that i will lose her too him i need to show her that im that person she fell for im starting to panic and i know i cant do anything until i get the excuse to see her.

This all started half way through my relationship with my ex, we were together 3 years im 22 and shes 18 it was amazing when we first got together and when we first fell for eachother.

I started to get cold feet because time was getting on and we were still together and i was thinking all sorts like am i too young? is it only one girl i will fall in love with? all these things was keeping me from her i started to be distant and started to take her for granted.

My mother became ill with cancer and it messed my head up causing me to go on a break with her we ended up splitting but then i realised what i had done and i went back asking her to come back, we got back and had another year and a half together.

My mother passed away in that time and it made me even worse, i became paranoid and aggressive, my temper was becoming worse and she ended up distancing herself from me she ended up in her words "dreading to see me" because of the way i was. one day last month i seen some photos of her hanging out with a group of people and for some reason i thought she had cheated so i phoned her up and started yelling down then phone accusing her of this. i didnt apologize or anything until the next day and she said we needed to talk.

She picked me up and we spoke she said she couldnt carry on like this she had enough of me and wanted to split up, i was obviously gutted and tried to persuade her not too. So she agreed to a weeks break in that week i just kept phoning her and smothering her saying all sorts and i told her friends asking them what she was thinking etc which really didnt go down well with my ex. after that week she did break up with me and i was in a right mess when she did.

I tried getting her back and tried hanging out with her but everytime i did i had the need to express my feelings and tried telling her how much i loved her and how much i was sorry etc...

She turned round and told me that she was going to start seeing other people which really sent me over the edge i tried holding back and tried playing it cool but i couldnt, even when we were chilling out i could feel myself shaking with rage because she was going out with other people as "friends" the reason she wanted to go out was because somthing to do and someone different to speak to. I said do you really want to lose me and she said no but she didnt want to get back because there was a feeling that was stopping her and that the spark had gone and she couldnt see it coming back.

Ii finally snapped and told her i cant do this anymore im out. i got so low and my emotions were so messed up i even threatened suicide. her mother called me into the house and phoned my father because they were worried, my ex was crying because she still cares about me but doesnt love me anymore.

Since then i seen her out with her friends i was walking the dog and i went to make conversation with them all and it was very awkward she was being very blunt to me as well just didnt attempt to make conversation back and that really annoyed me.

Im playing a no contact rule because i want her to miss me and realise shes made a mistake but will she though. im not going back on myself i wont be contacting her until i feel that im fit enough to talk again having said that i do think shes the one and that we are very compatible its just my head was messing up and i realised i wanted to be with her too late i suppose i got scared and realised how i treated her which then made me paranoid that i wasnt good enough.

She doesnt know im currently going through counselling should i tell her but i dont have a excuse to talk to her plus i really want to wait until my mothers headstone gets put up because i do want her to see it regardless because my mother did think the world of her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's not going to realize she made a mistake, because she didn't make a mistake. You're emotionally unstable and she bears the brunt of it. Get over yourself. Leave the poor girl alone. She probably has your number, so she can get in contact with you if she wants to, right?

[Rugbylad]

Shes too stubborn for to text me first, Was like that in the relationship when things were great.

I WAS emotionally unstable but i still love her though i changed and if she sees me as that guy she fell for i know there could be a chance but its this guy she seems to be moving on quickly i dont know though

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If she is moving too quickly, then it won't last and she might come back to you, but first she has to realize that life is not as good without you. Probably not gonna happen, but the only shot you have is to keep the no contact. Try calling her some more; I hear they like it when you do that.

[Rugbylad]

True and shes not going to realise that after whats happened.

To be honest im going to just tell her i agree with the break up, i was out of control and i have fixed myself since we last spoke, i hope we can be friends etc... i will prove to her that i am that guy she fell for wether its as friends or not because i dont want her thinking im a asshole.

[scott green]

Ummm.... So you went out with her for 3 years with a break in between, and she's not been out with you in how long?? She's 18 now, which makes her around 14 or 15 when you started having sex with her??? Excuse me for pointing thus out, but doesn't that make you a pedophile? Also, if she went out with you that young (14 or 15) then your probably her first real relationship, albeit an abusive one. NOONE stays in their first relationship, esp one as broken as yours sounded. She needs time to date guys her own age, fool around, enjoy life, not be dragged down by an emotionally abusive guy who threatens suicide and plays emotional mindgames with her and who's made her first real relationship Hell for years. Leave her alone, and stop acting like a jealous ass just because she's moving on with her life after YOU DITCHED HER

[Rugbylad]

Didnt start having sex with her so dont assume it makes a ass out of you and me!

Anyway back to the matter at hand, she was with someone before that for roughly 2 years young yes i agree but shes very mature for her age.

And when did i say I ditched her? she ended it and i dont blame her.

If youve just commented on this to have a go well i dont appreciate it. im not jelous because the guy shes with is abit of a downgrade if im honest but im full of regret and i do still love her.

[scott green]

If youve just commented on this to have a go well i dont appreciate it. im not jelous because the guy shes with is abit of a downgrade if im honest but im full of regret and i do still love her.

You'd know about it if I just commented to have a go. This is a young girl were talking about here, who was very young when you started seeing her, you still haven't said how long it was since you split up, but you've said enough to show she's better off without a guy who threatens to commit suicide when she tries to get out an emotionally abusive relationship where you say you got aggressive to the point where she dreaded seeing you. Her parents are probably also telling her to get out after they had to call your family after you threatened suicide, no doubt they dont want their kid ending up with a guy who threatens suicide and emotional blackmail and gets aggressive with thier daughter. Who would?

My advice: let her get on with her life, and get serious mental help. Not just a few weeks councelling. And be honest with them, it's the only way you'll get better

[bulrush]

i became paranoid and aggressive, my temper was becoming worse and she ended up distancing herself from me she ended up in her words "dreading to see me" because of the way i was.
So she agreed to a weeks break in that week i just kept phoning her and smothering her saying all sorts
She turned round and told me that she was going to start seeing other people which really sent me over the edge
i could feel myself shaking with rage because she was going out with other people as "friends"

These actions are on the path to a classic sociopath. You, my friend, need professional help. Girls won't put up with this for long. To me, and her, you look like a very dangerous person to be around.

I finally snapped and told her i cant do this anymore im out. i got so low and my emotions were so messed up i even threatened suicide.

And you might benefit from meds too. I suspect clinical depression. Seriously, get help. You could change your life. You probably won't get the old girl back, but you can find a new one if you deal with your emotional issues and get some help via meds.

[Rugbylad]

Ive calmed down a lot since i started counselling and started to discuss issues, everything happened so quickly over this year and it turned me into something else like my mother was diagnosed with cancer then she passed away all them images i have from that experience alone was damaging me then she left me because of the way i was then while i was trying to sort myself out i lost my job.

We've been apart now for nearly 6 weeks.

I'm going to accept the fact that its over and ask her to just be friends, i still want to prove to her that the person i became isnt me for real and i will be there for her if she ever needed a friend.

I'm gutted things have gone like this but you live and learn.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You have lived, but you don't seem to have learned a damned thing. Do you seriously want to be friends with her while she's slobbering all over another guys schlong? Just think about it, penises rapidly going in and out of her vagina, and none of them are yours. Being friends with her won't help you heal, and will send you back into an unstable state. Just move on, and forget about her, and maybe she'll come back(probably not). You going after her, guarantees she will never want you back.

Go ahead and call her, I'm curious as to what she has to say.

[wanderlustboy]

Ive calmed down a lot since i started counselling and started to discuss issues, everything happened so quickly over this year and it turned me into something else like my mother was diagnosed with cancer then she passed away all them images i have from that experience alone was damaging me then she left me because of the way i was then while i was trying to sort myself out i lost my job.

We've been apart now for nearly 6 weeks.

I'm going to accept the fact that its over and ask her to just be friends, i still want to prove to her that the person i became isnt me for real and i will be there for her if she ever needed a friend.

I'm gutted things have gone like this but you live and learn.

It sounds to me like you would have a go at no contact etc, but didn't have much patience and would revert to more... unorthodox behaviour.

I would accept that she's gone forever, and you should really be concentrating on your own health. If you threaten suicide to a woman, you're not just threatening to hurt yourself, essentially you're threatening to hurt her and it's emotional blackmail of the worst kind.

Nothing lasts forever; see how the counselling goes and take it from there.

[wanderlustboy]

Do you seriously want to be friends with her while she's slobbering all over another guys schlong? Just think about it, penises rapidly going in and out of her vagina, and none of them are yours.

Lmao, that is honestly in the top 10 most mental things I have ever read.

[GaryUranga]

Man, the best thing you can do is drop the emotional baggage, it's the best way to get her back.

At some point you 2 got together and you weren't being needy or anything, the less you care the better because you become more unreactive to her.

The only solution is to hit the "reset" button on this, it's the only way to be calm cool and confident around her.

[Rugbylad]

Do you seriously want to be friends with her while she's slobbering all over another guys schlong? Just think about it, penises rapidly going in and out of her vagina, and none of them are yours. Being friends with her won't help you heal, and will send you back into an unstable state.

Wow thanks for that, really helped!

Im actually doing the friend thing because i want to i mean i can be the better person by going "im sorry for the way i acted ive since had help and yes i agree with the break up and we should be friends"