relationship advice. lost the love of my life?

[LoveIsGreat]

Hi,

My name is Justin. Recently, (last Saturday) my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. (Were Both 21) She said that the relationship just doesn't feel the same anymore and that I didn't communicate enough with her and that it hurt her. She said that she still really cares for me and that it would mean a lot to her if I would still be apart of her life.I talked to one of her best friends and she said just give her space. Of course I broke down and I knew it was hurting her on the inside too but she just wasn't showing it. We were together for 5 and a half months and our anniversary would have been on october 24th. I know she cares deeply about me, she was always constantly reminding me of how much she loved me and how happy I made her and that she wanted to be with me forever and that no guy had ever made her feel so wanted and happy before. There was a time when I told her that I wanted to marry her one day and have kids were her, she cried because she said that was the best thing anyone has ever told her. I truly meant it and still do. Since the break up I did text her a message confessing my love and how sorry I was. Which I now know is a big NO NO. It will only push them away more, women aren't attracted to needy, helpless guys and begging them is not the way to go. So I read up on what I should do to get her back. I know that I have to work on the problems that ended the relationship, I'm already achieving some of my goals. I read that you should initiate a NO CONTACT PERIOD with her, give her some time to think things over and give her a chance to miss me. It's been hard but I'm sticking to it, I told her that I still care for her and I will be here if she ever wants to talk about anything.

I know there is not another guy because she is not the type of girl to look for a rebound guy. She relies a lot upon making a connection which takes time with her. Her dad raised her better than a lot of parents raise there children now adays. Also, when she broke up with me she mentioned that maybe it wasn't a good time right now. She has a lot of things going on, work, trying to find time to spend with family and friends and then me. Maybe it was just too stressful. I just want to know what I should do.

How long should I keep the no contact period up?
If she contacts me should I respond back?
Is she still thinking about me as much as I think about her?
Does she miss me?
Is there a chance for reconciliation.
If I don't contact her does she think I don't care about her?
I just want to know what I should do. Any advice/ help is greatly appreciated

[smackie9]

Of course you first reaction is to have her back, the feeling of loss can be quite a shock. There is this thing called the honeymoon period of a relationship where you are infactuated, you ignore their flaws, you talk of marriage and kids, etc.....but in time it wears off, and you finally see what you have when the fog lifts. I'm sorry that you got the shitty end of the break up stick here, but even if you play it kool, no contact, etc, the outcome will still be up to her. You cannot force someone to still be in love with you forever. You have to give yourself a reality check that you just may have to move on from her. This lets be friends stuff is not to be taken as a maybe things will work out comment, no it's just a way to slowly let go of someone. You are young and you will probably go through a few relationships, this one has ended, the next one wil and so on. It's not a bad thing, it's how we get experience on how to work through a relationsh which prepares us for marriage. With marriage you need to constantly work on it to make it work, it's no picnic. Not only your priorities change, but you have new responsabilites like children and a mortage, career, retirement, etc. There's a lot more to it and there is no way a relationship can survive on just love. So if she is willing to bail on you just after 5 1/2 months, I doubt very highly that there is a real future with her.

If you are looking for a timeline, give it about 2 weeks to a month. If she doesn't contact you or she has moved on, then just let it go....as they say there are plenty fish in the sea, and ya it's true. Before you know it she becomes nothing but a distant memory and all those feelings you had for her with dissipate.

[Smirnoff Ron]

You won't want to hear this,but the fact is it's over and you'll have to move on.
You're only 21.
It hurts but you'll get over it.