Sex buddys situation,but becoming confused if that's what he really wants?

[confusedfem2011]

A few weeks ago I met somebody through online dating,and we went out for dinner and drinks. Conversation wasn't anything spectacular,although not horrible...just felt like I really did not learn much about him on our first date. So we had our date,and I after drinking I really wasnt to keen on driving so we went to his house which was close by. Long story short,he gave me a massage which ended up in some good sex. He asked me to stay and I couldn't because I worked the next morning,so I went home. A few days later,he said we should go out again soon. I was interested in getting to know him better and see what happened,so I agreed,we should make plans soon.
After him making a few failed attempts at getting together,I became really frustrated and felt as though he was just leading me on or playing a cruel game. He would ask me if I was free this time or that time,and then immediately change his mind on the spot after I agreed to go. I remember a few excuses were "It won't work, I'll just be waking up around that time" ,and "That's about what time I go to sleep". (He works night shifts). He would ask ME out,and then make the excuses...it wasn't me asking him and him turning me down,it was him contradicting himself. So I told him I was tired of the games,and that it seems like he's completely indecisive about seeing me again,and that we should forget about meeting again. He apologized,said that he desn't want to lead me on,and that his life is too crazy right now to pursue anything serious. And that if I want to we can still hang out,he just doesn't want to hurt anyone. So I assumed he meant "hang out" as in having sex. He didn't correct me when I made that assumption,so i guess I was right.
Anyways I told him sure, single women have needs too. I said I'm looking for something more serious,but that we could hang out with each other until I found that with somebody. So we didn't talk for about a week and a half after that. I thought he decided against the whole thing,until he texted me 5 days ago asking me to come over. So,of course I went. He wanted me to bring a movie,so I brought a movie with me just to amuse him for whatever reason.....I knew we wouldn't be watching much of it.
Within 5 minutes through the door,he hugs me. I hugged back,so as not to be rude and weird about things. But i felt the hug was un-necessary. Then he goes on about how good I smell. THEN he starts the movie after pouring us drinks and some idle chit chat,and asking if I'm hungry and that he could make me something if I was. So he gets all cuddled up to me on the bed and the obvious happens. But a lot more than the obvious went on that night too.
He wanted me to stay,so I stayed...he spent the entire night cuddled up to me big time.I don't think there was a slight moment of being seperated that night. He would lace his fingers through mine,and kiss me on the head. And I'm human,I like a warm body as much as the next person so I wasn't going to push him away. We had sex 4 times,so kind of driffting between sex and sleep the entire night....I even got a nice foot massage from his toes (don't ask,it was a little strange,but interesting at the same time). And the real killer is when he whispered in my ear that he wanted to fall asleep inside me. I would expect that from a really close lover who I've known for awhile,not a sex buddy. But it was that time of the month for me, so wouldn't have been the best idea to do that.
So in the morning,after a final session he asks if I want to shower. I said I would get one when I got home (not trying to be more personal than I have to be with him and his house). I was also very careful not to talk to him much besides just random meaningless things....not really trying to learn about him if it's just sex. When I left he got up and I felt like a hug was expected,so I hugged him,told him have a good day,and left.
The cuddling and intimacy is really making my head spin. I feel like if we are just having sex with each other and don't want anything else,there should be none of this cuddling and added intimacy. I mean it's nice,and we do have great chemistry,but the point is to keep it simple. This doesn't seem like he's keeping it simple at all,and I'm not even sure I would want a relationship with him because I don't KNOW him. But I guess I'd be willing to learn if that's what he's trying to evolve into. But I can handle just sex,I have other people to date and keep me interested mentally. But with the cuddling and all,I'm not sure I can handle just sex....I think feelings are sure to come into play somewhere. Do you think he knows what he's doing and is doing it for a reason,or maybe is just a very intimate guy who enjoys a little extra besides just sex? He has to know he is changing the simplicity of sex buddys by acting this way....I don't see how this can stay uncomplicated if this is what sex buddys means to him!

[Wakeup]

I think he just wants sex with you but he wants you to be emotionally connected. There are men out there that don't want to commit to anything but regular sex but they still want the emotional connection because it means a better sexual esperience for them. It's up to you to keep yourself distant and not do sleep overs and bonding like ritual swith him if you don't want to get further involved with him then the odd romp. Afterall, it seems that the odd romp is the only time he has for you... Right?

Keep it clear and precise with him through open and honest communication. Tell him what you think about the way he is being and how you think that it's not appropriate if all he can give you is the odd jump once a month (or whatever) and you think you shouldn't be staying over or enjoying couple bonding rietual with him when youi're not a couple.

[confusedfem2011]

So he kind of wants the sexual and emotional side of things that one would have in a relationship,but without the added hassle of having an actual legitimate relationship. Makes sense to me...we are human beings after all. I think I'll heed your advice and talk with him about it. It can't go on like it did last time because there is way too much room for complications,and I really am not interested in bonding with somebody who can't offer me more of a sense of commitment as well,which is what I am really looking to find with somebody. Thanks!

[fishman10]

Some guys can handle and want a casual sexual relationship. Others cant handle that without the emotions. I personally could never have a sexual relationship without there being an intention of a real relationship. It sounds like he may be inbetween. Cant really decide or his feelings have gotten stronger.

[confusedfem2011]

Hmm he could be undecided,but I'm really not sure of anything. He hasn't been back on his dating profile since I left his house that day,and always was on all the time before....maybe he feels guilty about the whole thing or something. I don't feel like he's in a position to offer a relationship to anybody even if he wanted to,not just because of time restraints....just a feeling I get about him in general. But he doesn't strike me as being a cold hearted jerk either. Neither of us have contacted each other since last time I was there,and I'm definitely not planning to initiate...I figure if we don't do this anymore,then there is a reason...I don't necessarily need to know the reason. But if we continue there will be a face to face talk about the cuddling....cuddling is bad outside of a relationship. Too confusing,even if you try not to let it confuse you.

[stuckies]

had something similar,we get on, make each other laugh but lying in bed stroking my arm and hair - feels too intimate. Asking how I am the next day. And they say women can't do NSA. It just feels confusing.

[bulrush]

Well, I think I can explain this one. I'm a very emotionally open person. Sex is a very emotional experience for me, it is a very intimate, bonding experience. So, when I have sex, it's not just mechanical. Even if it's FWB I'm a very sensual, touchy and cuddly person. I really get into it, that's just my style. I like to have our bodies touch when we fall asleep. I think he is that way too.

So, go on what he says, not what he does. He wants FWB, but he is naturally cuddly. Is that so bad?

I didn't realize my touching, hair stroking, massaging and cuddle time affected women so much. I was just very relaxed and I share myself with whoever I'm with. I guess that explains why some of my FWB went away.

[stuckies]

I think you're right but from my persepctive trying to make FWB work, we've tried to shut down that part of ourselves that gets attached through sex so when a guy who says he's only looking for sex does things that someone who has genuine feeling for us it's very confusing. A guy I was talking with, had a few FWB couldn't understand why the women he was seeing got upset or wanted more, he thought he was being nice by basically having semi-dates, taking them out, invite them over, watch a movies, cuddling.

Kinda had to point out that for most people that IS a date and not just a pre-amble to getting jiggy.

[confusedfem2011]

Well now since telling him I can't do the sex thing with him anymore,he asked me to come over and said we don't have to have sex. I think he's just a weird guy,I don't know how to really put all of it into perspective. He couldn't offer an explanation for what he meant by it,so I guess he thinks we should just sleep in the same bed and cuddle once in awhile. And I don't feel like you can go from having sex with somebody,to no sex and just cuddling and sleeping in the same bed. It's like he has a need for some kind of emotional connection at times,but just can't deal with the responsibility of going into a full blown relationship. It's kind of disgusting. I'm extremely attracted to him,so in a sense I kind of will miss him,but I'm sure it's better to just part ways at this point.

[Wakeup]

He's a player and he's full of shit. He knows very well that once you get into bed with him you will cave and then he gets his unencumbered sex with emotional attachment and then goes away and doesn't put any further effort into the "relationship" again until the next time he talkes you into "sleeping" over.

I'm extremely attracted to him,so in a sense I kind of will miss him,but I'm sure it's better to just part ways at this point.

Ask him if he can give you what you want, if he can't outright answer you then Tell him what you said in your quote above and tell him since he can't give you what you want in a committed relationship then you'll have to part ways. Then, part ways. You'll stay hooked if you keep talking to one another and he keeps getting you to do what he wants, the way he wants it.

You're smarter than to let that happen, I'm sure.

[confusedfem2011]

Well that's what I said,I told him I'm not going to spend the night with somebody I've previously had sex with,and not have sex. I don't feel like I could even do it,I mean how do you go from sex to no sex? It's backwards. So that ends that.

[misombra]

He wants to hit, cuddle, and run.

[IndiReloaded]

He wants to hit, cuddle, and run.

Why do you women always worry about what HE wants? Miso said it^

The only question is: what do YOU want? If you are okay with FWB, then go with it. If you aren't, then don't. Pretty simple.