Simply cant get over this.

[10to111]

I don't know i never thought that i could be this way but i really don't know what to do anymore

It started when my, now ex broke up with me. I'm not overly experienced or anything im 19 and she was my third serious girlfriend, but it was never like this before, i used to have no problems recovering after a brake up (with in reason). Before it happened i had never cried (not since i was a toddler anyways), i don't know why but i had somehow thought she was the one, we weren't together very long, just over 2 months, but it was wonderful and somehow it felt like it was a very long time. when she did brake up with me i completely collapsed before her i cried all day and then some, terribly embarrassing for me as a guy, and that relapsed over and over and over again. Back then i weighed around 62kg, i weighed 48kg at one point after it happened because i just did not have any appetite for anything anymore. Lots of people ware telling me to go to the doctor to check if i had cancer or something because the change was so sudden, and profoundly visible. It is impossible to describe with word how bad i felt, i could not motivate myself to do anything anymore my grades slipped and i ended up giving up all my hobbys, everything i used to take pleasure in doing. I told myself it would pass but it did not. it did not get better at all until a very good friend of mine, taking growing concern in my really sorry state started coming over allot. shed talk to me about me, my ex, my life, the future, whatever, and it helped. talking to her allowed me to forget my ex at least for hours at a time. it was that way for about a month and then it became oblivious that she liked me more than just friends - i told myself that i love her to too, i tried to, i really did. I hoped that that would finally help me recover but its just impossible to to be together with someone if your just pretending shes some one else. I could not live that as a lie. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't good for me either. i felt terrible telling her as, i never, ever wanted to hurt someone. she broke up with me immediately after me telling her, and we barely talked since, but that no longer hurts at all.

that was over a year ago

and my ex being gone still hurts like day one, I have contemplated suicide a billion times since then (not anymore that whent away with her comeing back ito my life). i never thought about that before, in fact i used to be incapable of understanding people that where suicidal, and im sorry for that to now. Then my ex started talking to me again, she hat been though a couple of bad relationships none of witch lasted more than a couple of days. and so we talked and started confiding in each other again. you know the thing with us is that we fit together miraculously and wed talk for hours increasingly frequently, spending allot of time together. i felt good again throughout this time period, even though she continued dating others. wed go out and do the same things we did when we where together (no not sex, kissing/ touching, i mean except that). one day, after we whent, she wasn't felling to well and she asked me if i could stay with her, so i did. well we ended up cuddling together... well that happened again several times with increasing, well, "close-ness".

till one day she flat out asked me if i still liked her. I knew, but i couldn't lie to her. i tolled her how much she means to me and she was goon. since then our interactions with each other have been at best superficial and are few and far between. i confronted her yesterday and asked her why she was behaving this way. she told me she just cant handle when someone actually likes her (she has a trubbeld history I know that) and that she doesn't want me to contact her anymore but that she dose want to speak to me again but and that she will contact me at some point.

I broke down again i just don't know what to to and i just cant go though all this again.

[steviej]

This girl is damaged goods, she has issues beyond your control and continued involvement with her is only going to mess your head up even more.
Breaking up during that honeymoon period is tough, you're starting to fall for them, you think they are the best thing since sliced bread and you don't know them long enough to discover their flaws so in your mind they are perfect.

You need to stop feeding this repetitive behaviour, a year of no contact and you were still distraught over a girl you'd been with two months? That is not healthy.
Take control back, get her out of your life, rediscover your friends and hobbies again and move on!

[oldskool83]

had a friend tell me this once...they make new women everyday. and its true. sooner you can accept your not with her and sum1 else can bring the same happyness sooner you will meet sum1. when im sick of peoples shit i find another one kinda soon, when i want to. so do somthing to get yourself back on track and feeling better. friends normaly help the best.

and honestly it sounds more like an obsession then liking her. everyone likes when people like them, no one likes when people are obsessed with them. i think a few books on codependancy should be on your wish list, it will help point on some areas i am seeing.

[devonbrown]

If you feel like you can not deal with your emotions, then you should see someone, talk to a doctor or a therapist of someone. The thing is, what you are experiencing is natural. It happens all the time. You are feeling bad, but you are having trouble dealing with those emotions. It is not a weakness to seek help. With time you will start to feel better, but the trick is to make it to that time.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

i just cant go though all this again.

Then I susggest you stop giving her the opportunity to screw with your head and your heart. Don't have her in your life anymore because she doesn't appreciate the goodness in you in the least. That should make you want to have nothing else to do with her. To not respond to her outward kindness but inner bully. Yes, she is an emotional bully and you sound far too much of the emotional type to be able to deal with the like of her. She's the worst kind of bully. At least the ones that are outwardly hostile you can see and if your eyes are open, stay clear of them.

Every reply you've gotten has had some very good advice for you. Everyone has also told you to be done with her. She's not going to ever give you what you want so don't be giving her what she wants by answering her when she contacts you when SHE deems it. pffft!

If you can't pull yourself together than go to your family doctor and tell him what's going on, he'll refer you to a psychologist so you can work on your confidence, abundance mentality and your self-worth. Anyone with healthy selfworth wouldn't give her the time of day knowing that she "can't handle it when someone actually likes her." You don't need someone like that (emotional immaturity) in your life. You're better than trying to sway someone with those issues. Take care of your own and do your best to forget she exists

~ She stagnates you from being with a good woman who actually wants to be with you... how counter-productive to you being a happy camper is that?