Help me out here girls - she worries me

[fruitloop]

Hello. I am in my late teens still at school if that helps with any advice I would be gratefull to get.

So I have been with a girl my age, not from my school for 2 weeks now. I have had relationships for longer but I can honestly say I love this girl more than anything in the world. We are basically neighbours (2 streets away) which really helps because we can always see eachother.

I have known her for a long time ,years, I would'nt go as far as to say we have been friends but we have chatted before and she is best mates with one of my good girl mates. We 'went out with eachother' when we were 9, awwww how cute

Anyway, so we were outside chatting a couple of weeks ago and I just popped the question do you want to be with me? (at the time I thought she was a nice person and pretty, no other thoughts). I was aware that shes had a crush on me for 3 years and shes asked me out before but I was taken at the time. It went as I thought and she said yes, we hugged then left. 2 days later we arranged to meet at my house, bit awkward at first but we were kissing lots later on and I really started to have feelings for her.

Ever since then we have met up and its been simply amazing, we are always connected in a physical way and an emotional way and always telling eachother how we feel about eachother which is really sweet.

Now here is the issue:

I took a look on her facebook wall and there was a post from a guy who she had had a 1 year relationship with before (shes married to him on facebook still), she had told me about him a day before and that they split up because he moved to London (5 hours from where I live, and he does live in London by the way). it said I love you and she put a like on it. Then I took a look on his facebook wall and she had done one of those rate and write things for him and it said "10/10, ummmm iloveyou and i miss you <3".

At this point I was not to worried but I thought I would find out some more, so I added this guy and started chatting to him. He asked me why I added him and I said I am Charlottes boyfriend and he said "haha goood one", I enquired into what he meant and he said "lol but shes my gf?". He seemed friendly enough and I sent him a picture of me and tasmine kissing the day before and he seemed slightly suprised but not shocked. He said "i dunno whats going on then, good luck mate" then he deleted me from facebook. Also he commented on the miss you bit with "i miss you to, but at christmas we will be together", she then replied with an "ermmm".

Okay, so the next step is to speak to Charlotte, she said she doesnt know what he is talking about and she thinks he is just jelous or cant let go (she ended with him by the way).She also said that he claims to be visiting her at christmas but she does not care and does not want to, her last comment was to ignore him. I thought okay then met up with her again and all was fine.

Also sometimes when I ask her if I can meet her say on a monday she might say "no i am spending the day with tom/mark" etc etc. Then i will look on facebook and she will be writing love hearts on their walls etc etc.

I love her lots and we are in a really happy relationship but I do have my doubts.

First of all, what do you think of the situation with that guy in London? is she secretly still with him or the more likely option of he cant let go?

And second off all, is it just her way to flirt lightly with some boys or is she getting up to things when she spends the day with them?

I have spoken to her about it many times and expressed my concerns and she simply says stuff like no way, your the only one for me and I would never dream of it, then she gives me a cuddle and a kiss.

I know its most likely nothing but I just want to erase these doubts.

I am next seeing her on friday and shes staying at mine for the weekend.

Advice is really appreciated?

[fruitloop]

I forgot to add incase your thinking what a soppy idiot.
I know I am looking into this a bit to much and maybe I worry lots but I just dont want anything bad to happen

[smackie9]

She is an attention whore. She may not be going out with him or anyone else but you but she welcomes the messages, comments, flirty looks etc. The attention is addictive and really hard to just give up. If you can handle it, fine, but don't expect her to wholely be yours mind body and soul. When you give your heart you take your chances, so just enjoy what you have of her till it runs out.

[kitkate]

I agree... I don't think she's being very respectful of yours relationship to be pulling the ex along. Youre being a much bigger man about it than anyone else I know btw. I would say something to her about the "i love yous" and heart exchanges going on and tell her how it would look if you were doing that with one of your exes and how she would feel about it. Some ppl are able to remain close friends after breakups, but with my experience that even takes time, and I want to be sensible and respectful to the man I'm with or seeing if it applies, and if your girl and her ex only broke things off bc of the distance between them then I'd be even more concerned. She needs to make up her mind on what man she wants to be with and stick by his side.

[iateyourcookie]

I don't think she ever broke off the relationship with the guy from London -- I believe she is stringing you, OP, all along because she can't have the London guy physically. That's just my opinion, anyway. I could be wrong.

And you, as a boyfriend, need to put your foot down on this relationship. Set boundaries that are reasonable to the both of you. If not this doubt of yours will linger on and add more complications in your relationship in the future. Act now; talk to her about it. Voice out your concern about what she has been doing.

Also, I agree with smackie's post.

[smackie9]

I believe you are looking for people to tell you it's not what you think and everything will be fine. BUT the reality is you know whether you step up and complain and try to set boundaries with her or ignore what she has been doing, you will lose her anyways. That's why I say don't expect much from this relationship, and enjoy your time with her till then. Maybe be just better to keep it casual, and keep your options open for other opportunities.

[bloodtippedrose]

Drop the girl until she has her priorities straightened out. You shouldn't start off any relationship with doubt and baggage and you shouldn't have to put up with her being a wishy-washy attention whore. Also maybe you should layoff facebook stalking because you'll start reading too much into things and drive yourself nuts. And next time don't add her friends as friends when you don't know them, messaging them to clear situations up is fine but adding them then showing off pics seems territorial, rude and and psychoish.

The world was a better place before facebook.

[smackie9]

Ya but before facebook there was my space......

[Mathias]

The world was a better place before facebook.

I agreed with everything in this thread until you said this.

Facebook isn't the problem. Self-centered people are.

If it wasn't Facebook, they'd figure out some other way.

[bloodtippedrose]

^ both very true. Many people use it as a way to connect instead of abusing it as a stalking tool. I was letting my personal issue with facebook seap in.. since I can't comment on many articles without having an damn fb account.

[fishman10]

If you are already having this issue only 2 weeks into the relationship, you need to drop her. You are always going to wonder who she is flirting with and if you are a backup plan. So drop the girl and find someone who wants you and only you.

[Gypsybell]

I agreed with everything in this thread until you said this.

Facebook isn't the problem. Self-centered people are.

If it wasn't Facebook, they'd figure out some other way.

I agree. it's not facebook, but the people. they were always as they are, but know facebook is making them transparent. If anything is sad, it is that the mystique is gone and there's no privacy anymore. but ultimately we may end up with a more honest society and maybe less hangups because transparency is bringing people out of their shells. To 'air' is to breathe, perhaps a little more freely?