Rule of thumb -- men seriously mean what they say..?

[a19drift]

True? I've been told a million times at least to not read between the lines when talking to a man, because there are no lines to read between. I'm wondering if this is true.

I'm wondering specifically if I apologize for something and my guy says "I'm not worried about it." if that's what it really means, or if it's some sort of blow-off statement.

[IndiReloaded]

Actually, with guys you need to pay more attention to what they *don't* say.

[nerdy_guy]

Yes, we normally don't want confrontations so we tell you not to worry about it.

[oldskool83]

yep ive said dont worry about it as many as 3 times in a few mins to a girl so she thinks it ok. in side im thinking great why can you keep your word. we say it cuz well you dont wanna hear what we really got to say cuz we'd prob piss you off and loose ya instantly

[smackie9]

Ya with guys it's black and white. But, if there is something they really do want to address they will when they are ready. Never ever push a guy, never ask about their "feelings", etc. they get pissy. Just walk away and give them their space. Talk about things they like it calms them down and makes them happy......make them a sandwich.

[Wakeup]

Rule of thumb -- men seriously mean what they say..?

No! Pay attention to their actions. If their actions are co-inciding with their words then they "seriously mean what they say."

[bulrush]

Right. Watch their actions. If they say "Don't worry about it" but they walk away and slam some doors, they are angry about something. Maybe wait a few hours then ask them if they want to talk about it.

However, his reaction is VERY MUCH based on how you react to confrontation, your ability to admit you are wrong, and your communication skills. If the woman acts like a 12 year old, and gets defensive about everything, the man will clam up, but still act pissy.

This directly relates to what oldskool83 said: Men don't want to talk because women can't handle it. But I might add, it's the immature women that can't handle it. Now I'm in my 40s, the women my age are MUCH better at communication.

Let's hear it for the 40+ crowd! 40s in da house!!

Now form a circle with your walkers.

[HeartIsAching]

Right. Watch their actions. If they say "Don't worry about it" but they walk away and slam some doors, they are angry about something. Maybe wait a few hours then ask them if they want to talk about it.

However, his reaction is VERY MUCH based on how you react to confrontation, your ability to admit you are wrong, and your communication skills. If the woman acts like a 12 year old, and gets defensive about everything, the man will clam up, but still act pissy.

This directly relates to what oldskool83 said: Men don't want to talk because women can't handle it. But I might add, it's the immature women that can't handle it. Now I'm in my 40s, the women my age are MUCH better at communication.

Let's hear it for the 40+ crowd! 40s in da house!!

Now form a circle with your walkers.

Yeah... I finally figured out (ok with lots of professional help) how to have a relationship. Which is probably a good thing, since statistically my dick will probably stop working in the next 20 years.

[a19drift]

Wow this went off in another direction fast! Thanks everyone. Wakeup..what about the actions I know "nothing" about?

[Wakeup]

Wow this went off in another direction fast! Thanks everyone. Wakeup..what about the actions I know "nothing" about?

Without further clarification from you about what you mean, I'll say why worry about those? How can something you don't know about bother you in a negative sense? You don't know about them?

[bloodtippedrose]

It's a personal quality found in some individuals and not others. I've dated guys that were just as whiny and emotional as women and even played the silent game.
And I've dated guys that we're very honest and blunt. It takes getting used to them cuz the truth can hurt but the communication and trust are out the roof.

[a19drift]

I worry because I do know. But I'm not supposed to.

[Wakeup]

Well if you know that he's being a jerk, disrespectful, cheating, doing things that he'd not do TO YOU in front of you, are these things he does that you know of, but he doesn't know you know, indications that he doesn't really mean what he says, that he's just saying them to keep you calm and attached to him? I know your history with this man and your insecurities with him in general as I've read all of your posts regarding him.

All I can say is stop snooping and trying to find out things and see if you can be happy with what he DOES show you and if you can't then time to think about leaving.

I think you'd really do well to read some titles on codependency. Just discovering if you are can free you from the need to control outcomes. Codependent people are not happy because they try to control outcomes and fail at it. Once you know the only person you have 100% control over IS YOURSELF and accept that fact, you'll be far happier in general ~ With him and more importantly, within. ;o)

[smackie9]

Ummmmmm so what's the big secret?

[IndiReloaded]

I think you'd really do well to read some titles on codependency.

Do you have any OTHER advice to give people? How about those other classics like: count to 10, take a long walk, eat healthy...etc.
Its old and boring. Maybe we should make this our sig to save you the bother.

Are you related to the author, or what? I've read the authors bio, she sounds like an idiot for idiots.