Why do guys watch porn when they have a gf? And why does it upset gf? :O

[MyNight]

See, I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend was watching porn WITH me, as we've been talking about doing it to see if we like it (spice up the sex life), we just haven't got around to doing it. But I went away last weekend and yesterday he confessed to have watched lesbian hardcore porn and masturbated which for some reason really upset me.

Just to be clear, I want to say that I'm not some religious prude who thinks porn=rape, no no no, I couldn't care less if Jesus watched porn or not and if everyone's legal and makes their own decisions, fine!

What upset me was that he watched two naked girls to get hard and jerk off when I was away for 4 days. I thought I would be cool with it if he watched porn but it really really feels like he don't find me as attractive as these girls and that he has "cheated" in a way. If he was watching porn when I was home so I could join in that would be one thing, and if he wants to masturbate to relive the pressure when I'm away that's fine too but if he needs something to arouse him, why not watch pics of me? Or skype me?
When I told him how I felt and asked him about it he just said he "didn't know" why he did it, he's "just stupid", didn't look at me, said "Sorry, I wont do it again" and left the apartment, while I was sitting here crying because he rather watch some other girls when he says I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. Maybe my emotions doesn't make sense but this is how I'm feeling. Is that so weird?
And why does guys watch porn when they have "the real deal"?
And is it really ok to watch other naked girls just because they're on film not irl? No-one would think it was weird if I was upset if he'd brought home a naked girl while I was away right?

AND why did he just leave without looking at me instead of hugging me and saying sorry I didn't mean to hurt you? Mumbling sorry while looking away like a little boy that's been told to say sorry but don't really mean it doesn't really count...

[vashti]

You chastised him for behaving as the majority of males would do if they had no sexual outlet for 4 days. This is the behavior of a mother, which is why he muttered a meaningless apology. Don't ask him to apologize for behavior he isn't really sorry for.

If this boy is not making a regular habit out of wanking to porn instead of being with you (and this doesn't sound like your problem), I suggest you ignore it. You will be hard-pressed to find a guy who DOESN'T do that. The thing you both need to be smarter about is that he needs to know when to keep his big mouth shut about it, and you need to learn to not grill him about it.

[MyNight]

I didn't ask him to apologize, I told him how I felt, how he responds to my feelings is up to him. But I see your point.

What I'm kind of wondering though is;
You masturbate because you get horny right? But you watch porn to get horny, so if you're not horny in the first place, then what's the point? If he needs to let out steam cause I'm away, just f*cking wank! Or do guys don't have any imagination? And why not look at nude pics of me in bed, why on earth did we take those pics then?

I would not watch and fantasize about random naked guys when he's away, and believe me, I have as much of a sex drive as he does and needs to let of steam. But I don't see the point of watching an other guy when I love my boyfriend and think he's the most handsome man alive, why watch some sloppy second when I have lots of pics and memories of the best?

[smackie9]

Don't make him feel bad for that. Guys like their private time. You have no idea what it's like for a guy, their sex drive is through the roof, and need release. For some guys it's like a few times a day on average. Guys like variety, it's just they way they are. They do like looking at other women, and fantasize about sex, etc, but there is no emotional attachment like the way women do with sex....there's the difference. Porn is just entertainment and in no way a replacement of you, or how he feels about you. Watching porn just makes the experience more intense. I talked to one of the guys at work about it and he says it's too hard using his imagination when in the shower, he prefers visual aids, and well guys are very visual creatures aren't they? lol.

[vashti]

believe me, I have as much of a sex drive as he does and needs to let of steam.

Unless he isn't the average guy, I seriously doubt it. Male's sexual peak is the late teens/early 20s. For females, it's the mid 30s. The porn just makes the masturbation easier and quicker, and to be honest, probably more pleasurable.

I would really only start worrying if he prefers porn to you when you are available to him.

[smackie9]

OK that's another one down, only 4.5 billion to go.....

[bulrush]

You got jealous. But the question is why? Are you insecure about something? You know he will never get the chance to watch 2 live women have sex, right? So what's the big deal?

Guys watch porn for many reasons.

1. They're horny.
2. They want to experience something new and exciting but they would never have the chance to do it in real life.
3. They want to experience something new and exciting but they are not ready to do it in real life.
4. They are curious about something new.
5. They simply like seeing beautiful girls/guys.
6. They are not getting something they want at home.
7. Some guys like variety, but don't really want another girlfriend. It doesn't mean they don't care about you.

My gf really satisfies me, she is perfect for me. But I still watch porn sometimes. Why? Though most of it has poor production quality, some of it is really beautiful. Like art. Do a search for X-art, this is NOT typical hump'n'grind porn.

So, ask him if he will watch lesbian porn with you. Make it a positive instead of blaming him or being jealous. Jealousy is a real deal-killer, you have to work on that. If you need him to reassure you (that's normal, to a point), then ask him to. Me and my gf have had our "doubtful" moments, and we told each other right away, and we reassured each other right away. It's part of being human and having emotions. And sometimes old relationships leave scars we have to deal with.

Honestly, my gf had her doubts once because I'm a stable, sane person, and her past relationships were full of drama! Her and I were not full of drama so her brain thought (wrongly) that something was amiss.

[MyNight]

Thanks everyone! Very interesting with different views on things.

My bf came home after I posted my comment so we kissed and made up. Sexy underwear is very good to let him know what he has So all in all think we were both happy in the end.

The jealousy part is baggage I guess, but as someone said, "Get rid of it, you pack your own bag!" But as for bulrush's gf, if you're used to drama or getting screwed over it's hard not to get insecure sometimes when you end up with someone good, just cause you're not used to having someone treating you good so you wait for the bad to happen. Time is all we need, trust is built up stronger and stronger and we get crazy-moments less... Think I might sound like more of a drama queen than I am though, one little issue out of a whole life All relationships has their issues and ups and downs, but so far we resolve everything quite quickly. Sometimes you need to hear other sides of it too, even though I don't think guys can be thaat much different when it comes to sex anyway... Sometimes I want a bit more, sometimes he wants a bit more but mostly we're quite equal.

Btw, heard that women have their peek in their 50's, something to look forward to!

[bulrush]

But as for bulrush's gf, if you're used to drama or getting screwed over it's hard not to get insecure sometimes when you end up with someone good, just cause you're not used to having someone treating you good so you wait for the bad to happen. Time is all we need, trust is built up stronger and stronger and we get crazy-moments less...

Yes, that is exactly how my gf explained it. What we did different from most couples, though, is the same day she had these bad feelings, we talked about it. And I reassured her. I don't mind helping someone deal with their own baggage, as long as they make the effort, I'll be there for them. Always.

I'm glad you two made up. I hope you made love, because it really helps to cement the relationship back together.

Btw, heard that women have their peek in their 50's, something to look forward to!

I've heard 30s and 40s, but never 50s.

[vashti]

I hope you made love, because it really helps to cement the relationship back together.

Men are such simpletons.

[toshiba]

He jerked off to two women together, that's not even something you could provide (not competing with you), more of a fantasy, relax.

Me and pron:
-A dedicated pron computer sits in my bedroom (so it doesn't mess up my living room computer and no one walks in on me).

-2-3 times a day I cum, never choose porn over my GF (we see each other about 3 days a week).

-I have a fetish for a certain body type, my GF is close to my ideal physically, but not exactly (this is to be expected), pron lets me see [what in my mind is] "perfection" (and every time I jerk off to this I further condition myself to like it even more, not necessarily a good thing).

-GF does not like the idea of me "whacking off to other girls", and claims other BF's jerked off to pics of her, asking me why don't I.

-Rarely ever do I watch movies (sex), most always I fap to still images of women posing.

-I do jerk off thinking about her sometimes, especially if we had some kinky sex the night before.

-Sometimes jerking off to pron can simply be easier than sex, especially if she take a while to orgasm (speaking frankly here, as it may sound selfish) and you get tired.


IMO, your SO is not necessarily going to be your absolute physical ideal (there is more to a relationship than that), so pron is an outlet to see exactly what you like.

I would really only start worrying if he prefers porn to you when you are available to him.

THIS!

[vashti]

-Sometimes jerking off to pron can simply be easier than sex, especially if she take a while to orgasm (speaking frankly here, as it may sound selfish) and you get tired.

This statement just makes you look like a lazy lover.

[romantic_guy]

Generally speaking, men and women have different views of watching porn and looking at nudes. For women (again generally speaking), sex is an emotional connection. Therefore looking at nudes of men does not interest many women. To men, it is a graphic description of something that arouses us. There is no connection. When a woman's lover looks at porn, the female brain can interpret this as the man having an emotional connection to the image. She can also compare herself to the pictures and think that her man must think that she is not as sexy, beautiful, or desirable.

I am not going to debate the morale issues of porn here. Just realize that it has nothing to do with him not finding you sexy or that he is not aroused by you. I do read posts on here of men that masturbate to porn and do not make love to their girl. This is so totally selfish in my opinion. I choose making love to my gorgeous wife over self-satisfaction every time! I love pleasing her sexually, as she does pleasing me.

[searock]

This is so totally selfish in my opinion. I choose making love to my gorgeous wife over self-satisfaction every time! I love pleasing her sexually, as she does pleasing me.

So it's actually a choice? Shouldn't a man naturally prefer, on a purely physical level, making love to his SO (therefore a woman he finds desirable) rather than masturbating to porn?

If it's "selfish" that some men prefer the latter over the former, it sort of means that those men actually physically prefer the latter. Is this normal/common?

[vashti]

Porn is making men suck in bed due to impotence.

[url=http://articles.businessinsider.com/2011-10-26/news/30323512_1_libido-sexual-enhancement-dopamine]Porn Is Ruining The Sex Lives Of An Entire Generation - Business Insider[/url]