Why do guys watch porn when they have a gf? And why does it upset gf? :O

[Boisdevie]

Yes, it is VERY wrong. Sex should be about love, not abuse. It should be a statement of how much you love someone that you want to MAKE LOVE with them. That's why it's called making love. There is NOTHING loving about a man raping a womans anus (the place where her poop comes out) and depositing his semen (the thing God gave man to be able to produce an innocent little child) into her bowels. It's revolting! Also, The Bible says that if a man was to sodomise someone (it doesnt matter if it is a man or woman) then BOTH of them will goto Hell, because it is a sick perversion and against God. It is a detestable act in putting semen into someones bowels, it is complete disrespect to God that something that should be used to create a life is dumped into the bowels with the rest of the human waste.

“…Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites (people who indulge in anal sodomy), nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortion ers will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).

Yes Rachael, but it's fun. Are you never tempted to take it up where the sun don't shine?

[Rachel Pierce]

Can you please take your BIBLE THUMPING ASS somewhere else where the people actually believe & BUY in to your bullshit!! I'm so tired of reading your ramblings...there are plenty of other forums that will take your crazy rambling preaching nonsense, NOT HERE!! Mods can we see DEAD after this 1's name soon...lol

It scares you because im right, doesn't it? You can see the truth in the words I speak, and you want to silence my truth because the truth hurts. You want me banned from here because you don't want to face up to your issues, and try to justify to yourself that pornography and perversions are a good thing, and don't like being told you're wrong. It's sad. I will pray for you.

[searock]

I find it delusional to think that everybody or even that most people end up with someone whom they find most attractive sexually. Even the attractive people who have more than one option to choose from are limited more or less to their local area. They won't ever meet everyone. Attractive people gravitate towards a career in porn. I would find it amazing if I ever was aquainted with someone more attractive than say any of my top 10 favourite porn stars. Sure, people have different tastes and might not be turned on by most people in porn. Most likely they'll still find most attractive people among celebrities. The point is, it's very unlikely that anyones social circle includes the people whom they find the most attractive. Very attractive or lucky people might have a SO who is the most attractive among their social circle. If their preferences are peculiar, they might even find them more attractive than celebrities or porn stars. I believe this situation is quite rare but even then, there's still someone more attractive out there that they just haven't met (ok, this is besides the point since no one is going to think about people they haven't ever met).

I am not talking about "objective attractiveness", the standards of beauty nowadays are well-defined by tv and cinema and even porn, alright. What I'm talking about is personal attraction towards your partner, which is not only visual but involves all the senses. I know that my bf is not the most attractive guy on earth, and I'm sure there are plenty of porn actors who are ten times more attractive, in general, than him. Still, I am a hundred times more attracted - in a purely physical sense - to my bf. I love his scent, the way he moves, the way he touches me, every little thing. That's what I'm referring to when I say "attractive". He is one of the things that turn me on the most, and personally I wouldn't feel like my relationship was healthy if it were otherwise.

As a guy, when I masturbate, most of my arousal comes from sensory stimulation. Sure my imagination is essential as well but what I think about is sex. And perhaps something more complex depending on what I'm watching. I don't think about people.

Sex is made by people (or other animals admittedly, if you're into that type of stuff, nothing wrong there). Therefore if you think about sex, you think about people. I'm sorry I wasn't clear enough in my previous posts: when I say that a guy in a healthy relationship is supposed to think about his gf (AS WELL AS OTHER THINGS) when he masturbates, I obviously don't mean it in the sense that he thinks about her as a person in general. He thinks about her in a sexual way. For example, he obviously won't be getting off to the mental image of his gf going shopping (unless he has a fetish for that or something, once again, nothing wrong there), he might rather think about her giving him a bj. Or he might choose to look at explicit pictures/videos of her, as well as other material eventually. Etcetera. This, I think, is what is normal in a healthy sexual/romantic relationship.

Several people on this thread have explained that guys like variety, but you still don't get it. It doesn't mean the guys doesn't love their gf, it's just the way guys are wired. Guys are wired to impregnate as many females as possible as quickly as possible. Thus, the need for variety in men has survived evolution. Or Jeebus made you do it, whatever you want to believe.

Please don't make me repeat this again - I am NOT saying that I think guys should think ONLY about their gf when they masturbate, if they are in a healthy relationship. But yes, I do find it odd if they don't think about her AT ALL. Besides, as a female I can totally understand the variety thing. It's not so much of a "need" to me, but of course we all get curious. It's perfectly normal IMO. But it still comes natural to me to think about my bf AS WELL, simply because it turns me on more than many other thoughts. Maybe I'm the weird one!

For various reasons, almost NO guy ends up with their physically ideal mate. That's just the way it is. So they are always finding someone else attractive. Doesn't mean they don't love or aren't committed to their gf.

Of course not. But as I wrote above, it's not so much about "physically ideal" as it is about being personally, subjectively attracted to somebody. I don't care if my bf doesn't look exactly like the man of my dreams, but I certainly would not be dating him if I weren't madly attracted to him. With ALL senses.

[smackie9]

The ladies seem to think that they are all that their BF should need, and don't need porn or to think of other women....I think that's a bit self centered and totally unrealistic way of thinking if you ask me. The relationship doesn't revolve around you. Everyone does and will encounter someone that they find attractive, find desirable, etc, even if every thing is hunky dory with your SO. All you should really be thankful for is that he is not cheating, and isn't looking at gay porn. He is a normal guy with a healthy sexual appetite.

[smackie9]

Sorry ladies but ya all are not all that and a bag of chips.....

[smackie9]

Searock, guys brains are different than girls brains.....it's just the way it is, get over it.

[asdfg789]

It scares you because im right, doesn't it? You can see the truth in the words I speak, and you want to silence my truth because the truth hurts. You want me banned from here because you don't want to face up to your issues, and try to justify to yourself that pornography and perversions are a good thing, and don't like being told you're wrong. It's sad. I will pray for you.

So why are you here at LF, Rachel ? Hasn't God already given you your answers ? We are a bunch of sinners who will not provide the answers you want.

And don't try to save us, cause we are all condemned to rot in hell.

But if you are here to merely entertain, ok. You can be mildly amusing, at times.

[searock]

Searock, guys brains are different than girls brains.....it's just the way it is, get over it.

Uhm I haven't said anything different from what you've said..? Or you don't think that it's normal for a guy in a healthy relationship to naturally think about his gf as well as other things when he masturbates?

[smackie9]

I really depends on the person searock. What I'm saying is don't expect them to if they don't. Whatever goes on in one's head is nobody's business. It's just fantasy for Christ sakes, who cares who or what they think about.

[smackie9]

Tip: I've watched porn since the 70's, and I will tell you this, most guys are ugly in porns. They are on there because they have a large dick and that's it. As for the women, most are 3's dressed up as 9's.....bondo makeup, wigs, and bolt on boobs. They are plastic, and are just offering entertainment, a show.....no different than seeing movies....there's a lot of smoke and mirrors to portray attractiveness. Sure there are some attractive ones don't get me wrong, but there are more ugly people in porn than you think.

[Lovable]

It scares you because im right, doesn't it? You can see the truth in the words I speak, and you want to silence my truth because the truth hurts. You want me banned from here because you don't want to face up to your issues, and try to justify to yourself that pornography and perversions are a good thing, and don't like being told you're wrong. It's sad. I will pray for you.

No, you aren't right...you're an IDIOT!! Please don't pray for me...I don't need or want your prayers.

[Yet another guy]

I am not talking about "objective attractiveness"

There's no such thing as objective attractiveness. Attraction is always subjective. When I talk about a very attractive person, I mean that the person is found very attractive by most people.

What I am saying is that only the attractive people (those who are found attractive by a significant fraction of people) have several options when choosing a partner. And I'm talking about the full spectrum of attraction this time. Physical attractiveness, personality, wealth to some people, the whole deal.

Only the very attractive or lucky people get a chance to start a relationship with the person in their social circle that they find the most attractive. By lucky I mean someone whose most attractive aquaintance (in their own opinion) happens to have preferences that deviate from the norm and find them very attractive unlike the others do.

I believe that it's very rare that a relationship is healthy by your definition. And even if it seems to be, there's always someone more attractive out there. They might even be in the social circle. You just never know everyone well enough to tell how attractive they really are. You just approximate based on what you do know and most people don't bother learning more if the superficial qualities aren't good enough. Sexy porn stars have higher potential of attractiveness than the fat comic book shop cashier even if their real attractiveness is the other way around if you get to know them.

Sex is made by people (or other animals admittedly, if you're into that type of stuff, nothing wrong there). Therefore if you think about sex, you think about people.

The people implicitly exist in my imagination when I think about sex, sure. But I don't necessarily think about them at all. Not all of them must be a person. Not an existing one or even fictional. Generally, I'm not thinking about having sex with the next door girl or someone I've had sex with before. I'm not thinking about having sex with anyone else I know either. I'm not even thinking about having sex with the porn star I see on screen or a random person I've never met. I'm just thinking about the sex. I'm thinking about what is done and how does it feel but not who I'm doing it with. It's entirely irrelevant.

Now, if I had a girlfriend, I don't see why our relationship wouldn't be healthy if I didn't start thinking about her when I masturbate. Do you think she'd be upset about it? Even though I don't think about anyone else either? Of course, she can't read my mind and I don't have to tell her what goes on (or doesn't go in this case) in my head. This is besides the topic of porn though. Porn is there just for visual stimulus and food for imagination.
Oh and I'm sure animals make sex even if you aren't into that type of stuff

[IndiReloaded]

Do you have link to the actual study?

I went to the authors website but couldn't find the original paper. Hes an italian reproductive endocrinologist. He publishes in more obscure journals based on his CV, but that doesn't necessarily mean its a bad study; its not uncommon for really busy clinicians to publish wherever it will go w/o too much hassle. Anyway, its being picked up by larger sci feeds so there will be followup.

Here are a couple of related links:

[url=http://www.ansa.it/web/notizie/rubriche/english/2011/02/24/visualizza_new.html_1583160579.html]Italian men suffer 'sexual anorexia' after Internet porn use - ANSA English - ANSA.it[/url]

[url=http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201107/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunction-is-growing-problem]Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction Is a Growing Problem | Psychology Today[/url]

The good news is there seems a simple fix: abstinence. I found the topic interesting b/c it says men really CAN get too much sex! LOL.

[romantic_guy]

Thank you so much for doing the research. I know a lot of men are going to think this is bunk, but how can you argue with the research? It makes perfect sense. However, the conclusion is not abstinence from masturbating or sex but abstinence from porn. It is much what I said in an earlier post. It takes more and more stimulus to achieve the same erotic result.

[searock]

There's no such thing as objective attractiveness. Attraction is always subjective. When I talk about a very attractive person, I mean that the person is found very attractive by most people.

What I am saying is that only the attractive people (those who are found attractive by a significant fraction of people) have several options when choosing a partner. And I'm talking about the full spectrum of attraction this time. Physical attractiveness, personality, wealth to some people, the whole deal.

Yes I know there isn't an objective attractiveness, that's why I put the quotation marks. I was referring to what you call attractive, and I was saying that I was talking about something else. I personally don't care at all whether my guy is considered attractive "by most people". I want him to be attractive to me! That's all that matters. So I really don't care for what most people think is beautiful (that's what I meant by " "objective attractiveness" "). I think about my guy (as well as other things) when I masturbate because I find him to be one of the most attractive, arousing things on the planet. I don't care whether most people think the same or not : ).

Only the very attractive or lucky people get a chance to start a relationship with the person in their social circle that they find the most attractive. By lucky I mean someone whose most attractive aquaintance (in their own opinion) happens to have preferences that deviate from the norm and find them very attractive unlike the others do.

Are you implying that most people just go with what they have, because they can't afford what they'd really want? This is so incredibly sad! I guess I'm one of the few lucky/very attractive people then (<-sarcasm) °_°. What I'm 100% sure of is that I personally would NOT settle for some guy who I am not really that much into just because I can't get a guy I was a lot more attracted to (again, I mean subjectively attracted to, in my sense).

I believe that it's very rare that a relationship is healthy by your definition. And even if it seems to be, there's always someone more attractive out there. They might even be in the social circle. You just never know everyone well enough to tell how attractive they really are. You just approximate based on what you do know and most people don't bother learning more if the superficial qualities aren't good enough. Sexy porn stars have higher potential of attractiveness than the fat comic book shop cashier even if their real attractiveness is the other way around if you get to know them.

I really think our different views on attractiveness can be taken down to one basic difference. You think a person is attractive; I think a person is attracted to another person. Attractiveness is not, to me, a characteristic of the person in object. It is on the other hand something that the subject feels, with regards to another person. You say that a person is "attractive" if "most people are attracted to her". This doesn't work at all for me. I say that a person X is "attractive to person Y" if person Y is attracted by person X, that's all.

The people implicitly exist in my imagination when I think about sex, sure. But I don't necessarily think about them at all. Not all of them must be a person. Not an existing one or even fictional. Generally, I'm not thinking about having sex with the next door girl or someone I've had sex with before. I'm not thinking about having sex with anyone else I know either. I'm not even thinking about having sex with the porn star I see on screen or a random person I've never met. I'm just thinking about the sex. I'm thinking about what is done and how does it feel but not who I'm doing it with. It's entirely irrelevant.

Now, if I had a girlfriend, I don't see why our relationship wouldn't be healthy if I didn't start thinking about her when I masturbate. Do you think she'd be upset about it? Even though I don't think about anyone else either? Of course, she can't read my mind and I don't have to tell her what goes on (or doesn't go in this case) in my head. This is besides the topic of porn though. Porn is there just for visual stimulus and food for imagination.

Nah it's not the point of her being upset by it. It's just a bit weird cause (here is the crucial point of what I'm saying) when someone masturbates they generally tend to think about things that turn them on the most, and one would expect one of those things to be their partner. So if they don't think about their partner at all, then somehow it means that they don't think their partner is one of those things. Which is why their relationship is probably not very healthy, IMO. That's all!

Oh and I'm sure animals make sex even if you aren't into that type of stuff

*claps hands*