Falling for my best friend

[rocky7787]

I have fallen in love with my best friend, and it has caused our friendship so much turmoil, I've been in love before, but this one has to be the strongest, she only knows I have strong feelings for her, but I havn't told her that I'm in love with her, because she already thinks, that having such strong feelings for her, is only in my head, I have never in my life felt so sad and alone, she thinks we can still be best friends, but I don't know how to handle it, it breaks my heart anytime I think about us going our seperate ways, and not being friends, At one point she made me mad, and I stopped talking to her for 2 weeks, then one night she called me and she left me a message, and she sounded so sad, that I had to call her back, and the whole time talking to her, I couldn't stop crying, I do love her, and I know she doesn't love me back, I've never been in this much pain in my life, and I'm still lost on what to do, I guess I'm just posting this to see if others feel the way I do, and how they handle it.

[IndiReloaded]

How old are you?

[rocky7787]

twenty four

[IndiReloaded]

I assume she's a similar age. If you were older I would have recommended showing your cards on how you feel, but under calm conditions (i.e. clearly, without expectation).

But, at 24 I advise caution. Young women are often more skittish when shown strong emotion from a male. You need to gradually show her your feelings without getting too mushy too soon. Romance her but don't go overboard. Google for ideas. Be cool. What you want is her attention, but don't ignore her. If you just leave it, eventually another guy will move in and leave you wondering what happened. Interact, but then pull back a bit. Give her time to miss you, as you have already shown you can do.

When she seems to be responding, step up your efforts. The key is to match her interest and steadily let her know more how you feel. Don't freak her out. Good luck.

[rocky7787]

Thanks for the advice, but the sad part is, I know she only loves me as a friend, at one time she said she had feelings for me, but she said that our moral values are too different, which I didn't understand, and she kept putting off that excuse, and right now, I wanna still be friends with her, but its hard, when I want so much more, and now I feel like were growing apart and its killing me, as I'm losing some I love and losing a best friend

[IndiReloaded]

Difference in moral values? Does she torture small animals before 9am or what?

[rocky7787]

Yeah, and I brought it up a few times, and she just keeps saying it just wouldn't work, so im lost, confused, sad and hurt, and latley, ive tried just hanging out with her, and she always finds a excuse not too, I feel our friendship dying and it breaks my heart, and all I want to do is curl up somewhere and hide, I've never had this much pain before, and this has been the hardest thing to deal with, even my faith has been shaken by this, because why would god let me meet this wondful person, knowing it would end in this much pain, sorry, guess I got off topic on what you said, but yeah thats what she said and after the 3rd time, I stopped asking

[IndiReloaded]

Well, if she won't discuss the issue with you then that means she isn't interested in working it out. Sorry, but she's not wanting a relationship with you. You are far from the first to go through this, your heart will heal with time.

[rocky7787]

She called me the other night and I tried to ignore her, but she sadi she really needed to talk to me, So i talked her, and the whole time, I sounded cold and mad, and right before she hung up, she started crying and said she'd talk to me later, and I wouldn't let her hang up, I felt all my anger go away, and it turned to compassion and she started crying saying how she hated what has happen to us and I started to cry because it also broke my heart to what happen to us, and she finally admitted that she just isn'[t ready for a relationship, and she's been blowing me off, because she's scared to lose me as a friend forever, and I really hate where this is going, because when I talk to her I want to be closer, but I don't want to lose her as friend, it kills me how things were so good betwen us and how far apart we've become, and tonight we actually had a good time on the phone, spent a good hour and half on the phone just having fun and laughing like we used too, but I still feel a sense of sadness to where I know this is all this will be, and I just want us to be the best of friends without feeling like this anymore

[karen6903]

Don’t do it. A friend is a friend and there is a fine line and if you cross it you will probably regret it, i also know all the signals may look as though the other party is interested but these can be what you are wanting to see, and not what they really mean.

[boobaa]

Yeah, and I brought it up a few times, and she just keeps saying it just wouldn't work, so im lost, confused, sad and hurt, and latley, ive tried just hanging out with her, and she always finds a excuse not too, I feel our friendship dying and it breaks my heart, and all I want to do is curl up somewhere and hide, I've never had this much pain before, and this has been the hardest thing to deal with, even my faith has been shaken by this, because why would god let me meet this wondful person, knowing it would end in this much pain, sorry, guess I got off topic on what you said, but yeah thats what she said and after the 3rd time, I stopped asking

I know exactly how you feel. Bechause I am exactly in the same situation. Yesterday I tried to ask her something but she clearly understood whats up and I finally told her everythin (and I really don't like to hide things, I am pretty straight forward - get down to business type of guy), now I feel like everything is lost. No gradual movement in romance, nothing. Males life is so hard sometimes, girls are either too old or too immature for straight talk.

[rocky7787]

But she crossed the line first saying she had feelings for me first, and thats when things all went to hell, I always kept my feelings at bay with her, but when she said she did have feelings for me, it dropped that wall for me and then she said the next day that we shouldn't date, so it wasn't fdair for me and it hurt and it still hurts 6 months later, and it still not easier, and in fact during the 6 months since we've had this going on, it's gotten harder and it's a burden, and I'm not sure if it's because we're still trying to be friends, or because I still love her and it hurts, I just don't know anymore, and I hate it, I really do, I still think about how close we were before all this happend and I get sick to my stomach, I guess it's not funny, but the weird part is, we've been only friends, but I care for her more then any girls I've dated before, because anytime I hear her cry because I'm being distanc, it's enough to make me cry, and nobody has done that to me before. And boobaa yeah, sucks when you express yourself to someone, and they don't feel the same.

[MaidenMinx]

She said she didn't want to date you because she didn't want to ruin the friendship, yeah? Well by your description it's on it's way to ruin so what has she got to lose by giving you a chance?

If this is tearing you up so much I say you lay your cards on the table with her. Tell her that trying to hide how you feel is tearing you up inside. Tell her the friendship can't continue like this, which she has already acknowledged. With that in mind, suggest that if her only reason for not dating is the friendship ask her to consider a date maybe adding the ultimatum that you can't just be her friend anymore.
Good luck man.

[rocky7787]

I wish it was that easy, I mean it might come to that but right now, I would so bad dropping her as friend just because she doesn't feel that way, I just don't wanjt to be another person who drops out of her life, I know she's going through a lot, and I don't want to just leave her like that, and at the same time, your right, if it's effecting me like this, it may be the only way to get over her, but I just don't know, I feel like we're both going to hurt no matter what

[IndiReloaded]

Young women are often more skittish when shown strong emotion from a male. You need to gradually show her your feelings without getting too mushy too soon.

If she's crying over you, my previous advice holds^. She doesn't know what she wants. Can you explain a bit more why she would be conflicted about your relationship? What do you mean by a difference in morals? Are your family backgrounds very different in some way? Something isn't right in Denmark.