i feel so alone

[aliwal]

my separated husband who I have trying to get back with has found someone else. At first he said to her he has strong feelings for me. We used to meet up for coffee, go out for days and he would help me. Now he is all loved up and doesnt want any contact until he contacts me. I am prepared to do the no contact thing but am scared he will never contact me again unless he absolutely has to. I saw him in the car with this girl and he seems to not care. It is Christmas soon and last year wespent it as a family. This year I fear I will not see him and my 20 yr old and 23 yr old will spend it with him in the morning and me in the afternoon.

We have been married for 25 years. I know I have to get on with my life but I hate the fact that I cant even be his friend now. When he first told me about her 6 weeks ago he was talking of trying again with me. Now it seems like he hates me and has no feelings at all while he is all loved up. We have been separated for just over a year.

He doesnt like other peoples children much. She has 3 kids and he told me how he gets on so well with them and they get on with him. How he is so happy with this woman and she is so happy with him.

I have lost my job and just feel so alone. I am trying to start afresh but some days it is so hard.

Any suggestions?

Thanks

[persina]

sounds like youre going through a lot right now.u should really consider therapy. just look at this as a new chance, a new beginning for you. you definitely need to move on and forget about him, he has moved on already. just remember that you will never get those 25 years back, do not waste another second on this man.

[aliwal]

Thank you.

I know what I have to do. It is called the 180 plan. You need to not have any contact with them, and move on with your life. The idea is to make yourself an attractive/ independant person again, not the needy person that is unattractive. You do this for yourself not as a way to get the person back. In the main I am doing this but I can't help be really upset/ annoyed by the way he is treating me. This makes me have alot of down times in amongst the trying to be positive. I just hope I don't end up hating him.

I know I will be happy again and I know that he is in honeymoon phase and not thinking of me at all. I am pretty sure he wil realise what he has let go at some point.

[workingman78]

Don't plan on him coming back to you.....move on for the right reasons, because it is the healthy thing to do.

[aliwal]

No I won't plan on him coming back at all. I am doing this for me to rebiuld my life and find happiness again. Feel upset, guilty and a failure that it has come to this.

[smackie9]

This "loved up" thing he is going through is just temporary. Like most when meeting someone new, it's an infatuation, feeling feelings they haven't felt in years. Most of these instant love relationships burn out just as fast as they start. You need to focus on what you need in your life and not what he has. Rebuilding will take time, but if you stick with spending time with your family and friends doing activities to take your mind off things, it will come to you a lot easier. What you are feeling now is quite normal, but in time as the hurt lifts you will realize you cannot blame yourself, and that people do grow apart naturally. Just keep busy, maybe take some night classes to improve your skills, it may help increase your chances of finding a better job or a more rewarding career. You can get through this.

[bulrush]

I know it's hard losing a job, I've been there. I've also been through a divorce. My divorce was very stressful, but I was so happy I did it. Try to focus on the positive things in your life. Get a new hobby maybe. Do some minor redecorating in your house. Brighten up your life with positive things, positive friends.

[aliwal]

I know I need to focus outwardly not inwardly. I have made some lovely new single friends but losing my job and finding a job impossible to get with the run up to Christmas is leaving me with too much thinking time on my hands.

I am sure my husband is thinking with his **** but he ensures me it it not lust but the whole package. I also know he is incredibly niave and will be bowled over by someone showing interset in him. I also know his bad traits and habits which she has to yet to discover. And to boot, they wouldn't of had thier first arguement yet

At least I can smile knowing I don't have to put up with his dictatorship and tight ways anymore

There you go, I can see the positive of moving on to a new life and exciting new doors opening

xx

[aliwal]

a couple of days later and feeling more positive. still wonder how my husband can throw himself at a women with three children when he doesnt likeother peoples kids and wonder why he ignores me like i have dropped of the world but i have been thinking of myself and trying to have fun. it is a worry what the future holds amd how i will manage.

[SunRiver]

My advice is to not wonder about him at all. Close the door. He's not worth your time anymore. You have more important things to do. Like taking good care of yourself and enjoying life. Do your best to stay positive. Get some positive thinking books or CDs from the library. You can do it. Living well is the best revenge.

[aliwal]

Thanks Sun River

Like someone else said,

He has plaIn jane girlfriend with kids and he was taking her shopping. I have the chance to have adventure and live a good life, without the need to check with anyone....That gave me great strength. Who seems on the back foot when you look at it like that!

I will go to the library tomorrow and I will enjoy life

[karen6903]

Don’t wait around waiting for him to come back, as he has made up his mind, the only thing i can suggest is try to move on with your own life, make your own plans and eventually things will get better.

[aliwal]

Some days good, some days bad.

I just wish I didn't feel so alone, with my son, cats and family home with my husband and the new gf going round there and me stuck in a flat feeling like I don't belong to my family anymore.

It will get better right? It is like grieving.

[SunRiver]

What you are going through is completely natural. It's a process. It will take time. You have to be patient and kind with yourself. You're never really alone. That's just an illusion. Keep studying those positive thinking books that I suggested previously and don't spend too much time analyzing things in your mind. When you find yourself sitting around feeling down, get yourself out and take a walk. Be where there are other people. Listen to uplifting music. Do everything possible to get started in a new job. These things will help you start turning your mindset around.

[aliwal]

Thanks Sun River

Have got my Paul Mckenna how to be happy and self hypnosis cd. I am also listening to the secret cd and trying to follow the 180 plan. The set backs come when I analyze things and even though he has only been seeing her for 4 months. I imagine him having a future with her, holidays, moving in with her and being happy with her kids. If I can knock myself quickly out of that mindset I am fine.

I am trying so hard to get a job. It is the time of year that is making it so difficult and not helping my situation.

I have lots of friends and I am pro actively trying to make my life better. I miss my family unit.