What would you say if this was your sister?

[SunRiver]

Folks, I have a sister (Kristi) who confides in me about a disturbing situation she's involved in. She has been seeing a guy for approx. 8 years now. This guy was born in Greece and is a legal immigrant. He is very smart and so successful that he's retired early. He's a bit older than her. From what she tells me he treats her like a Queen. Kristi adores him and they do have a lot of shared interests. Kristi owns her own small business which is doing well but still not at the level she wants to be. The problem is, her "boyfriend" has a wife. He is separated from his wife but not divorced. He seems to like it this way because if he gets divorced, he will lose the cushy lifestyle he's come to enjoy (he'd lose half to his wife). He told Kristi that once she starts making over $85,000 a year in income, he'll think about getting a divorce but not until then. He expects her to be "intimate" with him despite the fact that she has voiced her opinion about feeling like she's doing a bad thing because he's not formally divorced. He tells her that there is nothing wrong with it and that if she feels bad, it's not normal. I think that he is kind of brainwashing her. I've told her I think this guy is bad news but she acts like he has some kind of control over her where she just can't do without him. On the positive side, he does a lot for Kristi and was her mentor when she started up her store. I don't know what to say to her about this anymore. I have a feeling this situation is just going to drag on and on with no progress. Any advice? She deserves the best in life and I'm not sure she'll be completely happy this way.

[rafterman]

. He told Kristi that once she starts making over $85,000 a year in income, he'll think about getting a divorce but not until then..

This bit alone is a huge red flag

[regdenied]

Your sisters life is hers, not yours, her mistakes are her own to make. Make some problems for yourself to deal with, there's a lot more fun to be had. If my sister asked me advice I'd tell her my gut instinct feeling but she can bugger off and make her mistake or not, it's not my business.

[SunRiver]

I agree with both you two. I know it's her own business but I care a lot about my sister -- she's my best friend. She's unhappy and nervous a lot. I think to myself, shouldn't I be doing or saying something, anything, that might help her "see the light"?

[regdenied]

I think I wouldn't get involved, I give my feelings on a matter but I am not going to attach myself to the problems of another, family or not, better they experience themselves their own life.

[SunRiver]

regdenied, you are a bastion of common sense. I tend to want to be the "fix it" person but you make sense.